Love Comes softly

"Nagging never works. You are never persuasive when you're abrasive . . . Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our pride; it ofte costs our self-centeredness." Rick Warren

"A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." Proverbs 15:1

After a long day, the tongue hangs loosely.
Clock-ticking, mind-numbing fatigue sets in
Wearing magnifying glasses
Small becomes large
Siren pillow sings it's song
Imperfections highlighted
Infinite tasks, To do lists lengthen
In the canvas of exhaustion
Lord, grant me energy
Rose-colored glasses instead
Iron-man tongue that perseveres
Strength to see the glory, the blessings.
For love comes softly
Even at the end of a long day
Even at that time of the month
Evene when I'm hungry
Even when he's too busy to notice
Even when I just want to be taken care of
Love comes softly.

7th grade Rears It's Ugly Head

"Real community happens when people know it is safe enough to share their doubts and fears without being judged." Rick Warren

"We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave his life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers." 1 John 3:16b

Just when you think you're moving forward,
A wind blows
A step back to keep your balance.
Just when you think you're in control,
You see the reality of your helplessness.
Lord, you have made me into a confident woman
Who wants to serve You and glorify You in all I do.
But there are moments when time freezes and reverses--
When I go back to seventh grade--
A scared, confused little girl
In-between childhood and womanhood.
Fear of rejection, being judged, studied, evaluated.
The reality is, I'm not really that important.
It's all about You.
And Lord, if they do judge,
if they do evaluate,
if they do investigate,
let them find
You.

Headaches, Tummyaches, and Heartaches

"Love should be your top priority, primary objective, and greatest ambition." Rick Warren

"No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." 1 Corintians 13:3

Today was the first day of school with the students. I used to get tummy aches from the worry. They would wake me in the middle of the night of the eve of the first day. Tossing and turning, I'd usually get between two and four hours of sleep every night before that first day. I would come to school with headaches from the lack of sleep and uncomfortable rest. This year, I slept like a baby. Actually, it was the first night all summer that I actually slept through the entire night without waking up before the alarm or the midnight check on Lauren. I was rested, refreshed, and ready to go. I was actually smiling!
However, throughout the day, I got another ache. As the students would standup to tell me their name and four things from their "Getting to Know you" sheets, I would feel a twinge, a tightening in my chest--a heartache.
Their hands searched for the right position. Their cheeks flushed with the fear of rejection. Some cracked jokes to feel accepted. Others spoke barely loud enough to understand. It was like they wanted to be invisible or sink down into the floor, the desk, anywhere they could hide. Or the opposite, they wanted to be so loud, so obnoxious, so hilarious, that no one could ever know their true fears, hopes, and questions. Don't they know You made them for a reason? Don't they know You died on the cross so they could live life in Your love, Your confidence, Your peace, Your joy? Don't they know who they are? Lord, help me show Jesus to my students. It used to be about helping them find their "voice." But now it's all about You. Afterall, you created their "voice." They won't find it anywhere else, no matter how hard they try. Give me the words, the actions, the steps. Guide me. You take it from here, Lord. I'm just along for the ride. Thanks for a new definition of those three little words I used to dread-- "Back to school."

Evidence of Change

"The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become--because He made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be." C.S. Lewis

"You have no right to argue with your Creator. You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter." Isaiah 45:9

God, You are so amazing! This is the first year that I have actually been excited to go back to school! Thank you for working on me and making me a new person this summer. In fact, this summer will never end for me. It's still the summer; I just happened to be teaching now. After all, I can still take Lauren for walks, to playgrounds, and play games--just after school. I can still pray in the mornings and exercise after Lauren goes to bed. i can still spend time with Cody and find little ways to show him how lucky I am to be his wife--just not between seven and four. wait, I could still e-mail love notes during passing periods! (aha!) Nothing's changed. I just get to teach for part of the day.
I used to worry so much about those first days and meeting the new kids. But You changed that. I know now that it doesn't matter if I see ankle bracelets for house arrest or get cussed out on the first day, that just means I get an opportunity to show Jesus to someone who doesn't know how unbelievably awesome He is! I missed it last spring when someone asked "Mrs. Baker, why are you so nice? why do you care so much about us?" This year, I have my answer ready. I have the best job in the whole world (for me). I get a chance to bring Jesus into a public high school. Ok, so it's "illegal." Cuff me and take me away. I'm a criminal for wanting my students to know the hope, love and peace of Jesus Christ? I'm a criminal because I don't want to see my students spend eternity in torture? The ninth grade is bad enough! (hee, hee)
Thanks again, God, for dropping this seed in the right soil. Help me to bask in Your sunlight, and never waste the rain.

Reality TV 24/7

"God enjoys watching every detail of your life, whether you are working, playing, resting, or eating. He doesn't miss a single move you make." Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Life

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives." Psalm 37:23

I wonder if You get bored when I'm sleeping, except when I dream.
I wonder if You laugh too when Lauren says "Where's my prince?" when she misses her daddy.
I wonder if You shout when the world gets too noisy; it's awfully loud down here.
I wonder if You love Cody's eyes more than I do, since you formed them.
I wonder what You wish I'd change; I'd love to see a checklist.
I wonder what You think about when I try to decide what to wear; does it really matter?
I wonder what You feel when I overreact and don't trust You.
I wonder what You want me to do as a Christian teacher in a public school; could I get some "do's" and "dont's", please?
I wonder how You can love me the same as everyone else, and yet differently.
I wonder how You can still watch over me when I continually walk into danger.
I wonder how You can bless me, when I forget to pray, even at meals.
I wonder how You will be with each of us at the same time in heaven.
Well, I guess I'll find out when I get there. Until then, keep tuning in.

Sincerity of Worship

" . . worship must be genuine and heartfelt. It is not a matter of saying the right words; you must mean what you say. Heartless praise is not praise at all!" Rick Warren

"Man looks at the poutward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7b

Lord, I have found that holding myself to this format of poetry is getting in the way of authentic communication with you. i don't want to offer you anything contrived, anything flowery, anything that isn't truly my heart. So, if you inspire a poem, I will write it. If not, I will simply talk to You, my best friend since before I was born. I just want to know you, Lord. I want to be closer. I want to let go of this stupid controlling, perfectionist nature of mine and give everything up to serve you--even my love for the power of words. Nothing compares to your power. I want to stop caring about what "I want." Lord, make me an instrument of your love to this world. Play me like a fiddle! I just hope a few people hear it and start dancing to Your tune . . .

On Borrowed Time

"Life on earth is just a dress rehearsal before the real production . . . We're not completely happy here because we're not supposed to be! Earth is not our final home. We were created for something much better. " Rick Warren

"God has . . .planted eternity in the human heart." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Alone in a room full of people
Lonely on a crowded bus
A stranger in the mirror
A traveler in my own home town
And all my life there was a question--
Where do I fit in?
Now I know
Why I get homesick at home.
Why "stuff" is never enough.
Why perfection is never perfect.
Why I never truly belonged.
It was all about you.
It was all about coming home.
It was all about living on borrowed time.

Camels, Cash, and Cradles

"As a camel kneels before his master to have him remove his burden, so kneel and let the master take your burden." Corrie Ten Boom

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

The genie grants three wishes
I pray the same three prayers
I seem to say the right words
And I try to "cast my cares."
But I seem to take them back again
With worry that very same day
Why do I hold on to these burdens
that I want to give away?
I long for a better prayer life
More time to meet with you
An intimate encounter
A place to escape, rebuild, renew.
I long for blessed, steady finances
Not extra cash to spend.
Just bills paid, bellies fed,
And offerings to extend.
I long for a new baby to love
My family seems incomplete
I long for another little hand on my finger
Big eyes, wide smiles, tiny feet.
These three prayers I feel each day
Tugging at my heart,
So today I let them go
For I have done my part.
Yes, I'll think of them again
My heart will hold them until
I find out from You
What truly is your will.

Words, Words, Word

"To discover your purpose in life you must turn to God's word, not the world's wisdom.You must build your life on eternal truths, not pop psychology, success notivation, or inspirational stories." Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Life

"Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self." Matthew 16:25 (msg)

Emerson said you should "trust thyself"
Shakespeare "To thine ownself be true."
In Cosmo, Vogue, and even Time
We read "It's all about you!"
Dr.Phil gives great advice
Barns and Nobles has shelves and shelves
Full of endless titles promising
"You can find yourself!"
Twelve steps, Seven Habits,
21 Immutable laws,
Who Moved my Stinkin' Cheese?
And "How to Fix Your Flaws".
Doctors have framed degrees
And speakers have awards
Writer's smile from shiny back covers
But what are we moving towards?
He narrowed it down to just one book,
One Person, well, maybe three,
One simple owner's manual
From the inventors of me.
He formed my little feet
Before I took my first step
He was their the day I was born
And I will meet Him after my death.
The Hollywood voices
And the editors of magazines
Have no idea who I am
Or what life really means.
Lord, I don't want to find myself
I just want to follow You
For that is the only way I can
"To mine own self be true."

When the Bridge Feels like a Tightrope

"You will be tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism, and even senseless tragedies." Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Life

"God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it,and so provide you with a way out." 1 Corinthians 10:13


Jesus, I know you bridged the endless chasm looming between me and God
Yet, sometimes my steps toward You look foreign, awkward, odd
I know the bridge is wide and sturdy with beams of the strongest steel,
But when the wind blows, the chasm below echoes as if to appeal,
At times, my steps look more like walking the tightrope at a circus I once saw,
Arms out, shaky steps, believing in Newton's first law.
In reality I know I could break into a sprint to reach the other side,
Yet there I stand, wavering and teetering, feet together, arms reaching wide,
It feels more like a balancing act than a drive on an over pass,
When life seems to let go of the wheel but not let off the gas,
Yet even in these times I can still sense your protective peace,
Even when my arms get tired from all the elbow grease.
I will trust in the bridge and walk toward You on the other side.
For there You stand, steady and waiting, feet together, arms open wide.

Thermostat or Thermometer?

"He carries an emotional thermostat that sets the temperature around him--not a thermometer that merely responds to it." John Edmund Haggai

"Delight yourselves in the Lord; yes, find your joy in him at all times. Have a reputation for gentleness, and never forget the nearness of the Lord. Don't worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:4-7

Lord, make me a thermostat
Adjusting to the rise and fall of life
Instead of a thermometer
Who merely shows the heat of strife.
Fill me with your peace,
Confidence that you are near,
Strength to grab hold of my thoughts,
Avoiding mood changes so severe.
Lord, make me a thermostat,
Constant, stable, steady,
So when you cut through the noise
To call me, I'll be ready.

K-mart Calamity

"Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord. " Leviticus 19:32

Strolling through K-mart at just about ten o’clock.
I bumped into a scene like a toe on cinder block.
“Hurry up, Mother.” the lady said with a sigh.
Knuckles meeting hips, with pursed lips and rolling eyes.
Around the corner staggered an elderly woman at a snail’s pace.
With wise and wearied eyes gently set in a stone life face.
“The lady at the salon said I should try this certain brand . . .”
Her cautious voice floated to me as her tender eyes scanned.
“Just get whatever’s cheapest, Mom. I don’t have time for this.”
And I wondered if this harried daughter ever stopped to reminisce.
Had the years of her own care-taking become so obsolete?
Had she erased the years this women spent holding her bicycle seat?
My spirit grieved as I saw the older woman’s eyes genuflect
As her daughter pointed to a generic brand for her mother to select.
“I also need more Depends, honey. I think their in the next aisle.”
“What? I just bought a package last week! Shouldn’t they last a while?”
As they turned the corner, my feet were suddenly filled with lead.
As my heart sent swirling, muddled images up to my head.
My anger subsided into tears and I never saw them again.
But, Lord, let me not forget the lesson I learned right there and then.
When I think of the future and possible honor of caring for my own mother,
I hope I will always treasure our friendship and how we lean on eachother.
I don’t really know the whole story, but I will pray for these women anyway.
And forgive me for K-mart prayers where I want the cheapest answer today.

Just the Tip

"We want our strength in public to be explained by what goes on in private between us and God. If we faithfully nurture what is beneath the surface of our life, people will marvel at what they see of God in us." Elizabeth George

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners seen by men . . . But when you pray, go intro your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Matthew 6:5-6

Above the surface,
One-seventh of an iceberg looms in the distance
While the other six-sevenths
Forms the roots under the waves
Thank you, Lord
For meeting me beneath the horizon
For flashlights under tents of sheets
The corner of the couch before sunrise
The stoplight that takes too long
The steamy silence after a long shower
Just a second of breathing space
The radio inside my head
The song inside my heart
The legroom for the soul.
Lord, let me be an iceberg
Formed by the sun You lift
And the wind You blow,
Glistening with the hidden secrets of You.

Chidren's Dictionary

And he said "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

Today: just a game to play.
Strangers: a new friend to find.
Errands: opportunities for adventure.
Walk: outdoor journey, skipping expected.
Work: ?
Morning: all done sleeping, time to play!
Night: all done playing, time to sleep.
Church: a fun place to sing songs and learn about Jesus.
Daddy: my prince.
Mommy: Daddy's big princess.
Me: Daddy's little princess.
Jesus: the King.

Rocky Places

"The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy, But since he has no root, he last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away." Matthew 13: 20-21

Lord, save me from the rocky places
When the words of sunday sermons fade into Wednesdays
When listening ears feast, leaving nothing for the heart
When your Word is held only to slip through the fingers
When I promise to change only to change the promise
When I take the knowledge and leave the practice
When I smile at mention of Your love, yet frown at the slightest trouble
When the animal of routine attacks, and I cry beside the cage
Lord, save me from the rocky places
The soil of my soul too shallow
The will of my heart much too weak
So I give it all to You
Dig deeper
Break new ground
And plant anew.
And save me from the rocky places
So that I might weather the seasons to come.

Just a Touch

Mark 5:25-34

Twelve years of blood
Unclean, cast out, cut off,
Pushing upstream
Through the crowds of Capernaum
Carrying nothing but hope, faith,
And the will to persevere.
Running from the doctors,
Too many to count,
Who took the money, only to add to my pain.
But this is not just a man.
The Messiah, Yahweh's earthly son,
The Annointed one
Just a touch of his cloak
A subtle brush of cloth across my palm
A tickle of his gown on my fingertips
And it could all be washed away.
I push, I reach, I feel it
His soft cloak upon my hand
So gently, tenderly,
Yet I feel its power.
He speaks,
"Daughter, your faith has healed you.
Go in peace."
And for the first time
I can.

The Memory of Water

"But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14

" . . . he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." Psalm 23: 2-3

"Those who believed . . . were baptized." Acts 2:41

With the turn of the nozzle
Like opening a medicine bottle
The cool, flawless, hand of liquid envelops my own.
My countenance changes entirely.
A sip of water, clear and breezy,
Travels quickly, stirring the senses.
Suddenly ready for the moments to come.
With the sound of a glittering cascade
Even the small trickle of a fountain in a store.
The fluid whisper of peace.
My breath is deeper.
With the dip of my feet in a pool,
Like silent slippers of restoration,
Invigorated by this simple act,
My entire body is cooled.
Vacations at the lake,
The gentle rocking of the waves beneath the boat,
Lying on the dock, tracing my name in the surface
Finding healing for the infection of routine.
Trips to the beach,
Seagulls sing as waves dive upon the shore,
Even the sand castles need water for strength.
The memory of water brings serenity
But one moment stands above the rest.
Just old enough to decide and understand.
Draped in a robe of white,
A man called my name,
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost
The water kissed by forehead, my lips, my chin
Like crawling into Daddy’s lap for a talk,
Or Mommy’s arms after a long day at school,
Encased in a blanket of warmth.
The water fell over my head as I took in my first breath.
Smiling faces behind the applause
My new invisible friend at my side
And I felt different,
Cleaner than a long bath after a dusty afternoon of kickball.
And that is my best memory of water.

The Creation of Hope

“For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, . . . everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him.” Colossians 1:16

“If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God.” Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Life

You are the artist behind all water, earth, and sky
You determined what would learn to swim, crawl, walk, hop, or fly.
You formed the landscape with a graceful brush of your hand.
You direct each rippling wave that dances upon the sand.
You knew the perfect pace for the cheetah and the snail.
You measured the perfect fit for the mite and the blue whale.
You painted the open canvas of the butterfly’s wings.
You composed the lilting melody that the mockingbird sings.
You gave the frog it’s mighty leap and the horse its noble trot.
You sketched the stripe of the zebra and the leopard’s spot.
You assigned the ant and busy bee the jobs that they must do.
You engineered the ducks in a row and the pouch for the kangaroo.
You made the tulip, the daisy, the lily, and the rose.
You wind each creek along its way and tell each river where it flows.
You perfumed the world with lavender, chamomile, and summer rain.
You placed the turtle in its shell and grew the lion’s mane.
You provided the sheep with its “baa” and gave the cow it’s moo.
You orchestrated the crickets at night and the morning cock a doodle do.
You furnished the land with deserts, mountains, valleys, swamps, and fields.
You presented the seasons in all their splendor so our crops would yield.
You bestowed the giraffe’s long neck and the gorilla’s massive chest.
You allotted climates perfect for the north, south, east, and west.
You awarded the skunk its smell and the trunk to cool the elephant’s back.
You told the fish to stay in schools and the wolves to run in packs.
You are truly the grand artist of all water, earth, and sky.
Anything your creation needs, you indeed will bless and supply.
So, Lord, next time life seems to win and the world appears unfair,
I will remember your breath-taking masterpiece, and I will not despair.

Testing, Testing

"A refusal to correct is a refusal to love,
love your children by disciplining them." Proverbs 13: 24 (The Message)

"Some people regard discipline as a chore, but to me it is an order that sets me free to fly." Julie Andrews

Lord, be my guide through this period of testing and "terrific twos"
In the waiting, knowing we'll be late as she tries to tie her shoes
"No, I want to do it! Go away, I don't need your help!"
"I can do it on my own! I'm a big girl, I'll do it myself!"
She wants to run the show, be the boss, she's only two!
But I love her independence, it's just a little skewed.
But just when I seem to know what works, thinking I've taught her a lesson
She challenges us in a brand new way, leaving us with new questions.
She wants Blues Clues when it isn't on and the dress that's in the wash.
She wants the Disney Princess skirt when I give her Osh Kosh B'Gosh.
She wants to explore everything and never seems to stay by my side.
Her legs are speckled with bruises from running up the slide.
As much as I think it's cute, I get afraid she might run into danger.
After all, she'd gladly offer a hug to any approaching stranger.
As my mind swirls with this immense love and fear of her foolish choices
As I read the many discipline books by the leading modern voices
As I pull her face to look at me or put her in time out
As I watch her tears dive down her cheeks as her bottom lip juts out.
As I firmly draw the line that she continues to poke and prod
I realize how hard it must have been on You when I turned my back on You, God.
"No, I want to do it! Go away, I don't need your help!"
"I can do it on my own! I'm a big girl, I'll do it myself!
Just when You seem to know what works, thinking You taught me a lesson.
I challenge You in a brand new way, praying with stubborn questions.
Lord, now I know by testing You I was learning to be what you want me to be
Thank you Lord for this gentle reminder that my little girl is just like me.

Rockin' Raj

"Those who have an understanding will be given more, and they will have all they need." Matthew 13:12

Just when you think you have it altogther
Roller-coastin' along in the bad and fair weather,
You meet a guy like Rockin' Raj,
And you begin to realize it's all a mirage.
One man reminds you of the truth of God's glory
Simply by tellin' his own life story.
From a tribe of loincloths like you'd see on Tarzan
A little boy from India became a life-changin' man.
He was raised a Hindu with thousands of gods,
But Jesus found him despite these odds.
See when he was about twenty, walkin' the streets of Bombay,
He was feelin' pretty low, like an island cast away.
So he walked into a big temple of the Hindu
And prayed for them to come and show him what to do.
He walked to his brother's house feelin' kinda weird
That's when he cried out for help and some crazy things appeared.
His arms twisted up and his hands became like claws,
His mouth was open and dreulin' and he had a crooked jaw,
As he told and posed to illustrate, I winced in my church bench
But then he started talkin' about a thirst he couldn't quench.
He was gropin' in the darkness searchin' for some light
When he remember a bedtime story his mom told him one night.
When she was a little girl, she was told that she would die,
But that's when the missionary lady appeared by her side.
She prayed in the name of Jesus and the little girl was healed
In order to stay alive, she grew up with the story concealed.
But when she became a mother she told a bedtime story of love
To help her children dream of miracles with no nightmares to speak of.
Back in his brother's house, all twisted on the floor,
His body, mind, and soul all fightin' a fearsome war,
He began to remember the name he'd heard those years ago
He called out to Jesus and felt some peace from head to toe.
Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! he cried until he was completely free
But his brother, being Hindu, was angered and disagreed.
As Raj continued to praise, his brother smacked him hard on the face
He told him to stop this at once or he would bring the family disgrace.
As punishment for his crime, he was for a month locked in a room
But this solitary confinement only helped his faith to bloom
For a Christian had come by and slipped him the word of God
And his faith became strong enough to face a firing squad.
His brother hired a magician lady who came with oils and potions
As she began to chant and sway, he prayed with earnest devotion
"Lord, reveal your power in the blink of an eye",
That's when the magician lady screamed, saying she must leave or die!
When his month was up, he was still shouting "Jesus, Amen!"
So he was forced to say goodbye and never see his family again.
But now Raj has a new family including foreigners he once despised,
For Jesus, alive in him, has helped him see with different eyes.
As he continued his energetic story, his joy spread though the crowd
We joined him in the celebration, smiling and laughing out loud.
After hearing Raj's story, I know we'll never be the same,
Big things are suddenly little when you see what he overcame.
Jesus personified, his glory revealed in a gripping tale,
This story of one man's journey where the one true God prevailed.
Though Raj seems like the hero, he'd argue with anyone
That the real hero is Jesus, God's one and only son.
Raj will contune to tell his story to any and all that can hear
Even at the risk of his life, he will continue to persevere.
So from a tribe of loincloths like you'd see on Tarzan
That's how a little boy from India became a life-changin' man.