Unseen Earthquake

"Children expand the family but do not complete it. God joined Adam and Eve together. Marriage is God-ordained! In fact, it is well said that the strength of all other relationships in the family is dependent on the husband/wife relationship." James R. Wilkes, Family By Design

"Therefore what God has joined together, let man (or chidren) not separate." Matthew 19:6

It's the temptation every mother faces
The pedestal has a new silhouette
It used to be the outline of a man
The promise of everlasting romance
The shape of a life-long love
The shadow of a best friend turned hero,
The hope of an eternal wedding veil.
Yet somehow, unintentionally,
By the unseen earthquake of baby born,
He topples, usurped, dethrowned, cast off,
He regains his balance,
Only to find himself on the floor.
Replaced by a tiny form
Balancing delicately on a tall tower
Of wipe warmers, breast pumps,
Diapers, burp clothes, pacifiers,
Soft fleece blankets and sleepless nights.
She doesn't mean to,
But a lot of people don't mean to sin.
Forgive me, Lord, and help me
Restore Your true vision of family.
Break my heart, heal his wounds,
Take Your rightful place,
And bring us all back together.

Thanksgiving

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

Thank You, Lord,
For a family divided coming together
Four generations at a table for six
For turkey stuffing and stuffing turkey
For mashed potatoes and rising rolls
For the gentle clinking of silverware
For the sound of multiple conversations
For passing the plates counterclockwise
For belts taken out a notch
For clocks that seem to slow down
For time to really look at eachother
For spoiling grandparents and
For parents who get to be kids again
For frosted windows and warm wool socks
For the long-awaited tree in the corner
For the calm before the storm of shopping
For reminding us of the reason for these holidays
For a pregnant woman on a donkey,
And the gift of hope for all of us,
Yes, even for great grandpa who forgot his hearing aid and accuses us all of mumbling.
Thank you for this Thanksgiving.

First Snow

"(gasp) I'm so excited mommy, It's just like Christmas!" ~ Lauren Baker

"And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven'." Matthew 18:3

I love re-living every moment with the added insight of a two year old. If she would not have been by my side this morning, I would have rolled my eyes at the coming weeks of slow-driving, windshield scraping, grey-slushed-puddle-splashing, and the monotonous countdown to the holidays. But again, Lauren brings me back to the truth of God's blessings, the joy of life, and the promise of adventure around every corner. Thank you, lord, for my walking , skipping, pony-tailed, giggling, 24 hour bible study application--yes, even when the playdoh is ground into the carpet and the car has cheerios in places I didn't even know existed. Thank you, Lord, for the gentle spirit of my little girl.

Horizon-Chasing

2 Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way! Jude 1: 2

The open field yawns into the line of the horizon
I could run as fast as I could, sprinting to exhaustion,
Reaching, chasing, and collapsing in the end
From the rock growing in my chest.
I know. I've tried.
But I'd never possess it, I could never hold it in my hands.
So I stand, enjoying the breeze, savoring the vista,
Though the storm clouds hover and the bares trees loom,
The sun caresses the horizon with Your promises,
Like when I push Lauren's hair from her eyes as she sleeps,
Full of wishes, love, and a whisper
the whisper of hope.

Focal Point

"Faith . . . is simply an expression of confidence in the person and character of God . . . Pursuing a God-ordained vision is an act of worship. It is a declaration of our confidence in God. It is a proclamation of how important we believe his agenda to be. And God is honored . . . God-ordained visions ultimately lead back to God. Regardless of our role, we are never the focal point of a genuine God-ordained vision. He is." Andy Stanley, Visioneering

"And the king granted them to me because the good hand of God was on me." Nehemiah 2:8

One quick word today:

Well, three-

I trust YOU.

Dream-giver

"Success is remaining faithful to the process God has laid out for you . . . not the raise, promotion, recognition, Christian home, or wonderful children. These are simply enjoyable mile markers along the way. Success is staying faithful to the process that contributed to those things becoming a reality." Andy Stanley, Visioneering

"Men judge us by the success of our efforts. God looks at the efforts themselves."-- Charlotte Bronte (1816-55), English novelist, poet, "Jane Eyre"

As I watched my two year old princess point her toes and dip them in an imaginary stream, she sings
"What I like most about rivers is, you can't step in the same river twice. The water's always flowing, always changing."
She has painted her surroundings with her eyes, and our living room is now an ancient forest. I smiled and throw a soft pillow at her tummy. She giggles, topples, recovers and continues
"Just around the riverbend!"
The rest of the room takes on slight blurr and she seems framed in a soft light. And I know this is one of those moments-- those unexpected, odd, tiny, minute moments where You show up, Lord.
"Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?"
You are calling me to something. I can feel it. We've been talking about this for months, years. But the vision is getting closer, more concrete, more focused. As I yearn for the success of the vision, help me to appreciate the process, the journey, the path.
"Should I choose the smoothest course, steady as a beating drum?"
I can see I have a ways to go; it doesn't look easy, God. I could never do it alone.
"Or do you still wait for me dream-giver, just around the river bend?"
I smile again, hug my little girl, and kiss her cheek. She smells like cotton candy and fresh linen. Poor Pocahontas, she just didn't know her dream-giver was with her the whole time.


2 Timothy 2
"So . . . throw yourself into this work for Christ. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. It's the diligent farmer who gets the produce. Think it over. God will make it all plain." 2 timothy 2: 1,3,6-7

Shout Out to Nehemiah

"Nehemiah knew what so many of us have hard time remembering: What could be and should be can't be until God is ready for it to be. So he waited."
Andy Stanley, Visioneering

Lord, help me to learn from Nehemiah
Filled with passion, a vision, and the tools,
Dealing with his burden day and night,
Yet waiting on your timing.
Chistmas eve for four months!
Praying without ceasing,
Seeking You before acting,
Patience, a constant companion.
And when the time came,
He knew what to say, do, and complete.
Lord, in these restless nights,
The uncomfortable moments in the land of in-between,
help me to learn from Nehemiah
And enjoy Christmas eve.

"When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. Then I said: "O LORD, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night." Nehemiah 1:4-6a

"The king said to me, "What is it you want?" Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king, "If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my fathers are buried so that I can rebuild it." Nehemiah 2: 4-5

Paintbrush Pressure

"Visions are born in the soul of a man or woman who is consumed with the tension between what is and what could be. Anyone who is emotionally involved--frustrated, brokenhearted, and maybe even angry--about the way things are in light of the way they believe things could be, is a candidate for vision. Visions form in the hearts of those who are dissatisfied with the status quo." Andy Stanley, Visioneering

"Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work." Jeremiah 1:5b

The canvas of my future is changing.
I stand beside the easel, alarmed by my pallette of white.
After years of perfecting this image
With the most delicate strokes, the thinest of brushes,
I stand with trembling hand, holding a wide brush dipped in white.
I take one last look at the vision of a teacher
Her head filled with dreams of changed lives
Her heart full of passion for the souls of her students
Her mouth seems to say "I can make a difference."
I touch the brush to the canvas
But pull away as if on a hot stove.
Is this really what you want, Lord?
I start from the bottom,
Leaving the eyes for last.
I look at my former reflection but can feel us drifting apart.
Perhaps we'll meet again someday.
One last stroke, and she's gone.
I take a step back and
Suddenly, the grieving ends, the fear subsides, and I remember
Sixth grade when a blank piece of paper held endless possibilities
A story of adventure, a crayon world of beauty, a mystery yet revealed.
Thank You, Lord for this new beginning.
I will follow where You lead.

Saving the City and Dealing with Dirtbags

"There's nothing glamorous or fulfilling about filling bags with dirt. But saving a city is another thing altogether. Building a dike gives meaning to the chore of filling bags with dirt. And so it is with vision." ~ Andy Stanley, Visioneering

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." 1 Cor 10:31

Lord, help me remember the vision of a wife and mother. The privilege of the role I was born to fill. The pleasure of nurturing, loving, and blessing their lives. Remind me in the laundry, the bills, dishes, time outs, whining, testing, arguing, vacuuming, toilet cleaning, shower scrubbing, dusting, socks by the couch, trash on the counter, cheerios in the car--it's all just filling bags with dirt. Remind me, I'm saving a town. I'm saving my family. I'm filling these bags so Lauren can fulfill Your purpose for her life and see the joy in her own future role of wife and mother. I fill another bag so Cody can be the man You envision him to be and carry out Your mission for his life. But mostly, I fill these bags for You. Because your the One who saved us all.

Gotta Hand it to You

"You need to know, friends, that thanking God over and over for you is not only a pleasure; it's a must. We have to do it. Your faith is growing phenomenally; your love for each other is developing wonderfully. Why, it's only right that we give thanks." 2 Thesselonioans 1:3 (Msg)

Lord, thank you for being everywhere I am and everywhere I'm not.
For having your loving, all-knowing, sculpting hand in everything
For holding the hands of missing people on the postcards that I consider junk mail.
For peering in at me, reaching to me, touching me through the little things
Like sock-skating on the kitchen floor with Lauren, hands out for balance
Knuckle-nosed shadow puppets in flashlight stories under blanket tents
The patchwork of fall colors that canopy the commute, like hands that block out a blinding sun,
The precise blend of words a gestures Cody uses to make me laugh,
That boyish look where his index finger points to his bottom lip,
How his hand rests perfectly in the small of my back
How my hand rests on the back of his fuzzy neck
How Lauren's hand fits around my thumb and his middle finger.
How Your hand is in all of it.

Mr. Incredible

"Home is the most important place for a man to be affirmed. If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life." Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only

He may seem like just another red-blooded American, but no! His hidden strengths are endless. Under the guise of your typical husband and father, this man has the heart and talent of a true hero!

Able to melt his wife's heart with a single stare! (lover-vision?)
Able to wrestle the strongest of two year olds!
Able to run countless errands in a single day!
Able to balance numerous projects with just one mouse-clicking finger!
Able to edit mesmorizing effects in the blink of an eye!
Able to tame even the most viciuos of clients!
Able to withstand endless hours of nagging!
Able to love his siblings through their repeated mistakes!
Able to dream of the future while taking care of the present!
Able to stay up all night caring for a sick child!
Able to attend numerous church services in a single week!
Able to treasure the good times with his father!
Able to change even the smelliest of diapers!
Able to keep quiet during nap time, even when Notre dame is playing!
Able to clog a toilet in a single sitting!
Able to unclog a toilet with a flick of the plunger!
Able to love his wife though thick and thin (literally)!
Able to survive in a one-car household!
Able to write the most original scripts!
Able to keep the Word in his heart!
Yes, folks, it's Mr. Incredible!
Humble like Christ!
Bold like Paul!
and
as handsome as . . . Himself!
By night- Cody Baker, super-snoring teddy bear
By day-Mr. Incredible!

(It's a shame he had to marry that Bullhorn lady . . . the good ones are always taken!)

Bullhorn Lady

"Maybe your bullhorn is in your home where you preach so people will do what you want them to do and do things the way you want them to be done." ~Pastor Mark Waltz

(fist to mouth)"Oh, snap!" ~Me

I look at you, bullhorn guy, from a safe distance
Rolling my eyes at your angry persistence.
Did you just skip all those verses on grace?
How can you scream with that look on your face?
You warn them that they will all go to hell
If they don't listen to the "good news' you tell.
What good news? That God is coming to "get" them?
That there's some cosmic Santa Claus waiting to condemn?
Telling them all what's wrong with their lives
Advertizing their faults like a set of Ginzu knives.
But then my hand slips and I notice the cut
My teeth hiss breathing in and I realize what's what.
My day flashes back in these quick little scenes
"I told you the living room is not the place for Jeans!!!"
"Lauren, don't do that, you're making a mess!"
"Don't you know towels go on permanent press?"
"I can't believe you're late. Why didn't you call?"
"Play with your daughter instead of watching football!"
Like driving in the rain, I suddenly can't see
For the one holding the bullhorn--is me.
Forgive me, Lord, for letting the guise of perfection
Dictate my thoughts like a hidden infection.
Let love rule my home like the house on the prairie
No more Martha, I want to be Mary.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 38-42

Yo Baby's Daddy

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it - we're called children of God! That's who we really are. But that's also why the world doesn't recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who he is or what he's up to. 2 But friends, that's exactly who we are: children of God. And that's only the beginning. Who knows how we'll end up! What we know is that when Christ is openly revealed, we'll see him - and in seeing him, become like him. 3 All of us who look forward to his Coming stay ready, with the glistening purity of Jesus' life as a model for our own. 1 John 3: 1-2 (Msg)

"Mrs. Baker! He ain't my boyfriend--he just my baby's daddy!" ~Anonymous Student

Just? You know, they leave out the part about teenage parents in your undergrad education courses. . . They don't tell you that you'll be giving parenting advice, be invitied to baby showers and be answering questions about mucus plugs to fourteen year old girls. But there is one thing, thanks to God and my parents, that I've always known- loving others. If there's one thing besides the meat of the gospel that I've taken away from going to GCC, it's compassionate love for other people. These poor kids are just doing the best they can with what they have been given--sounds familar. They are all God's babies. The man yelling in traffic, the woman that hits her toddler, the kid who sits in the back and refuses to pay attention, the bill collector who talks down to me because I can't pay what they want me to this month . . . but it's okay because I know these "babies' daddy", and I can trust in His perfect plan.

Camping

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways . . . Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" Psalm 139:1-3,7 (NIV)

We took Lauren camping last night for the first time.

Daddy set up the tent while we checked out the playgrounds and potties.

We roasted hot dogs, tried the Jiffy pop thing

and my little girl tasted her first marshmallow,

or rather her first eight marshmallows

--yeah, it was hard to get her to sleep.

But after a few doll dress changes,

and some of the old favorite books by flashlight,

those little eyelids just couldn't resist.

Just the three of us, cuddled up in a tent all night.

No arguments,

no deadlines,

no phone calls,

no guessing how to make eachother stay happy--just us.

Just the four of us. Thank you, lord. Thank you for camping.

Outdoor Hideout

"17 If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it. 18 The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast. 19 When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. 22 But God became my hideout, God was my high mountain retreat." Psalm 94: 17-19, 22 (Msg)

When the walls close in,
When I can't catch my breath,
All it takes is a door, a window,
And I come back to You.
In the wind as it snakes in and out of the trees
Like a child in a familiar playground.
I see your face in the clouds
Trace your name in the sand
Or the surface of the water and
Watch the ripples surround me.
The fragrance of fresh cut grass in the summer,
When you hooked up with some fisherman and fed the five thousand.
Burning leaves in the fall,
When you knew they were coming.
The crunch of snow and icy breath that dances
In six cold hours on the cross
And then --the spring
Especially in the spring.

Captivating Contradiction

"Practically everything that goes on in the world - wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important - has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out - but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity." 1 John 2 :16-18

"The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing. . . Beauty is the essence of a woman . . . Yes, the world cheapens and prostitutes beauty, making it all about a perfect figure few women can attain . . . God gave Eve a beautiful form and a beautiful spirit. She expresses beauty in both. Better, she expresses beauty simply in who she is. Like God, it is her essence." John and Stasi Eldridge, Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

Madonna was a material girl
Shirley Temple had sausage curls
Barbie had her own shopping mall
Cinderella got to go to the ball
Mrs. Brady had an Alice at home
The China doll comes with a pocket comb
Sleeping Beauty awoke with a kiss
Even hot chocolate has a swiss miss
The Joneses have a bigger house
Mickey never gave up on Minnie mouse
Runways filled with paper dolls
Who where size zero at six feet tall
A wife just wants a little double take
For her smile to hit him like an earthquake
She used to keep him captivated
Now she's heavier and her clothes are outdated
"Am I worthy?" she wants to ask
But she's too busy completing her tasks
"Am I beautiful?" she wants to know
Can I be as thrilling as your Sportscenter show?
"Am I lovely?" to anyone at all
Even when I'm chubby and not very tall?
"Will anyone notice if I am not here?"
The lump in her throat produces a tear.
But there is One who will always pursue
A Prince waiting in the wings for the big debut
Not a horse, but a donkey he rides
There are scars on his hands and one in his side
But she cannot see that she's a treasure to find
A princess locked away . . .
in the tower of her mind.

Red-faced Excuses

"And now, children, stay with Christ. Live deeply in Christ. Then we'll be ready for him when he appears, ready to receive him with open arms, with no cause for red-faced guilt or lame excuses when he arrives. Once you're convinced that he is right and righteous, you'll recognize that all who practice righteousness are God's true children." 1 John: 2: 28-29

Feet shuffle in the piercing silence
What should I do with my hands?
"I meant to, Lord, it's just . . . "
Excuses flood my mind
Swished back and forth as I shake my head
Like the current in a small Bathtub
I sway from side to side
Not enough time
Too much to do
Everyone needed me
No one understood
Always behind
Never ahead
Who would take care of it?
Who would get it done?
Who would . . . ?
I force myself to look in His eyes
a flash of 6 hours on a cross
Traps the words, all that's left is
"Forgive Me"
A jolt--
The cool of my sheets falls down my arms
and I thank God for another day

Sand Castles and the Big Bad Wolf

"I would place all my trust in the Lord - up to a certain point. As long as things were going well, He had one hundred percent of me. It was when the tides started coming into my life that I felt I had to step in. I was a picture of my daughters, in their frantic attempt to save their castle. I would run around anxiously trying to save the walls of my life from collapsing. But in the end just like the sand castle, I couldn't save myself." Sand Castle Lives by Cathie Jo Floyd

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work." 1 Corinthians 3:11-13

With Straw and twigs
Those first two pigs
Thought they knew
I did too
Castle of sand
So well planned
Seeking perfection
Under inspection
Then a huff and a puff
Called my bluff
Here I stand
Covered in sand
Like a bare winter tree
All there is --is me
When the dust clears
You appear
A moment bewildered
The master builder
Leads me to the rock
Mystery unlocked
Enjoy the view
of trusting You

Yes and No

"Come close and whisper your answer.
I really need you.'' Psalm 55:2


Yes, I wanted to have a baby this year
But now I will need to wait
No, You have a different plan for me
I'm not at the mercy of fate.
Yes, I ache for another child
Like a tightened bud longs for spring.
No, I will wait like the old tree
That toughens with each growth ring.
Yes, I am grieving the tangible loss
Of my own dreams and plans.
No, I am not crushed
For I place it in Your hands.
Yes, you need my time, my thoughts
And energies elsewhere.
No, I will not mope about
and I will not despair.
Yes, I have a beautiful child
I grin for she is like no other.
No, I will not let this bring me down
I will thank you that I am her mother.

Out of Body Experience

If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth - we're not living what we claim. 1 John 1:6

wearied breath
heavy steps
no reason here
for diving tears
life is good
feelings should
follow suit
does not compute
husband friend
love to send
my handsome guy
winks his eye
daughter sweet
dancing feet
princess play
every day
church divine
God's design
a place to serve
undeserved
count the blessings
still guessing
why feelings say
there's no way
will I surmise
why sad eyes
why tired mind
whispers blind
why loneliness
still persists
why empty thoughts
Stomach in knots
In daily grind
Lord, remind
Me of your grace
In this place
My heart knows
feelings oppose
reality skewed
I must choose
YOU