So It Finally Hit Me . . .

It's easy to be strong when the kids are around
that mother hen instinct to be the calm one
play it safe, do a head count, and distance your self
so they can be free and true to the moment
knowing someone has the job of the lookout
but then this afternoon, packing up
it finally hit me
that ice ball in the throat
couldn't be swallowed anymore
so it melted into a puddle of tears
on my poor excuse for a desk
and that weird blubbering that makes people uncomfortable
good thing it's just You and me in this room
and it's getting really hard to see the rest of my checklist
Lord, I'm going to miss these kids so much it's beyond poetry
their contagious smiles
their original silliness
their honest brokenness
their failures that roll into determination
their victories that explode into celebration
their eyes searching for love and answers
their hearts ,
whether hidden in their stories or worn on their sleeves
they are beautiful
I can almost see how much fun You had making them
just being around them was a blessing
as I try to sniff away the blubbering and breath
I give it all to You
the day to day joy of knowing them
loving them and listening
the privilege of having a classroom and a stage
that these prescious souls could
grace with their unique, gifted, amazing presence
but
like everything else in my life
they were just on loan from You
thanks for letting me borrow them for a while
I just pray that I return them
in better condition than I found them
a few delicate touch ups
some dust wiped away
or even better
with an echo of my voice
whispering some awareness of You.


"You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can't thank you enough." Psalm 30:11

"The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say 'The children are now working as if I did not exist.'" -Maria Montessori