Red-faced Excuses

"And now, children, stay with Christ. Live deeply in Christ. Then we'll be ready for him when he appears, ready to receive him with open arms, with no cause for red-faced guilt or lame excuses when he arrives. Once you're convinced that he is right and righteous, you'll recognize that all who practice righteousness are God's true children." 1 John: 2: 28-29

Feet shuffle in the piercing silence
What should I do with my hands?
"I meant to, Lord, it's just . . . "
Excuses flood my mind
Swished back and forth as I shake my head
Like the current in a small Bathtub
I sway from side to side
Not enough time
Too much to do
Everyone needed me
No one understood
Always behind
Never ahead
Who would take care of it?
Who would get it done?
Who would . . . ?
I force myself to look in His eyes
a flash of 6 hours on a cross
Traps the words, all that's left is
"Forgive Me"
A jolt--
The cool of my sheets falls down my arms
and I thank God for another day

Sand Castles and the Big Bad Wolf

"I would place all my trust in the Lord - up to a certain point. As long as things were going well, He had one hundred percent of me. It was when the tides started coming into my life that I felt I had to step in. I was a picture of my daughters, in their frantic attempt to save their castle. I would run around anxiously trying to save the walls of my life from collapsing. But in the end just like the sand castle, I couldn't save myself." Sand Castle Lives by Cathie Jo Floyd

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work." 1 Corinthians 3:11-13

With Straw and twigs
Those first two pigs
Thought they knew
I did too
Castle of sand
So well planned
Seeking perfection
Under inspection
Then a huff and a puff
Called my bluff
Here I stand
Covered in sand
Like a bare winter tree
All there is --is me
When the dust clears
You appear
A moment bewildered
The master builder
Leads me to the rock
Mystery unlocked
Enjoy the view
of trusting You

Yes and No

"Come close and whisper your answer.
I really need you.'' Psalm 55:2


Yes, I wanted to have a baby this year
But now I will need to wait
No, You have a different plan for me
I'm not at the mercy of fate.
Yes, I ache for another child
Like a tightened bud longs for spring.
No, I will wait like the old tree
That toughens with each growth ring.
Yes, I am grieving the tangible loss
Of my own dreams and plans.
No, I am not crushed
For I place it in Your hands.
Yes, you need my time, my thoughts
And energies elsewhere.
No, I will not mope about
and I will not despair.
Yes, I have a beautiful child
I grin for she is like no other.
No, I will not let this bring me down
I will thank you that I am her mother.

Out of Body Experience

If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth - we're not living what we claim. 1 John 1:6

wearied breath
heavy steps
no reason here
for diving tears
life is good
feelings should
follow suit
does not compute
husband friend
love to send
my handsome guy
winks his eye
daughter sweet
dancing feet
princess play
every day
church divine
God's design
a place to serve
undeserved
count the blessings
still guessing
why feelings say
there's no way
will I surmise
why sad eyes
why tired mind
whispers blind
why loneliness
still persists
why empty thoughts
Stomach in knots
In daily grind
Lord, remind
Me of your grace
In this place
My heart knows
feelings oppose
reality skewed
I must choose
YOU

Test-taking

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently before him." Psalm 37:7
"The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work in us." A.W. Tozer
"All sin , at its root, is failing to give God glory. It is loving anything else more than God. " Rick Warren

Thumb Twiddling
Toe Tapping
Knee shaking
Lip biting
Clock watching
Calendar surfing
Breath sighing
Lord, I wait for You.
Infants gently carried
At restaurant tables
Down grocery aisles
In the back rows of church
Every where I turn
Little fingers beckon
Arms ache
Heart yearns
Three months of waiting
This sunday morning
Sept. 25, one last test
If yes, wishes granted, new life, growing family,
Tears of Joy, Feeling complete,
If no, then another year of waiting,
Another year of little faces in every corner.
Lord, forgive me.
Help me to see You at every corner
At restaurant tables
In grocery aisles
In the back rows of Church
Help me to long for You like I long for a new baby
Waiting and hoping to meet You soon
Help me to look forward to the real tests
Thank you for everything you've given me
Forgive me for focusing on what I don't have
Last month, I moped and dragged for days
Not again,
Sunday morning, I will give myself one minute
60 seconds for the aching mother to cry out or celebrate
Just one minute to get back to You, to what really matters
Whatever happens this Sunday
You still reign in my life
You still shower me with blessings
You still died and rose again
You still have a plan.
Lord, forgive me.
I will try to pass the test of this test.

Peeling the Layers

“Jesus' mother, his aunt, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene stood at the foot of the cross. Jesus saw his mother and the disciple he loved standing near her. He said to his mother, "Woman, here is your son." Then to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that moment the disciple accepted her as his own mother.” John 19:25-27

Peeling the layers of Your Word.
Old story, new life
Hope for the masses in an intimate moment.
You just wanted your mom to be taken care of
And to have another to take care of.
You knew she needed to be needed
You knew the heart of a mother
The heart of a woman
And you met her, loved her,
Found her right were she was.
Thank you, Jesus, for meeting me, loving me,
And Finding me right where I am.

Ballooning

“Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love—a scholar’s parrot may talk Greek—
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.”
C.S. Lewis

“The Lord protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me! . . . that I may walk before the lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 116: 6, 9

I've been missing my quiet time lately.
No excuses. I confess I've been lazy.
That busy lazy where you are constantly going
Constantly doing, constantly spending yourself
Just not on the things that truly matter.
And I mean "missing" it.
When I miss my quiet time . . .I feel a little "off"
- like a deflated balloon.
Sometimes, even when I am full of air,
I just float with the wind.
Tossed from one person to the next
in a crowd of familiar faces.
But other days I feel deflated
Lying on a dusty sidewalk in a burning sun
Waiting for the next kid with gum on his shoe
To trample me and take me with him.
Deep down I know I'm much more than this.
But that's what happens when I put off Your Word
Save my prayer time until the end of the day.
Lord, I'm done ballooning.
Fill me with Your word
Take me higher so I can meet you
Know You
And make you smile.

Reality T-ching

“I’ve never been one who thought the Lord should make life easy; I’ve asked him to make me strong.” Eva Bowring

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

Every year, I assign what's called a personal narrative- a true story from the life of the student. And every year, I get more angry at the devil. I can't understand how adults could do such abominable things to children. I am supposed to be grading rough drafts, looking for sentence fragments, run-ons and invisible punctuation. But, this is not lined paper with lead. These are their stories of pain, abuse, confusion, abandonment.

How can I grade their hearts?

Peanut Butter and Jelly in Galilee

"Galilee was the place where Jesus would face the most opposition to the kingdom of God. Guess where he went?" Rob Wegner

""Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." Matthew 28:10b

"So where is your Galilee? What are you doing to bring the kingdom of God to the places where you will find the most opposition?" Rob Wegner

As I sit in the teacher's loungue
Conversations stab my ears
I marvel at the dialog
Seeping from my peers.
"I have a class full of idiots!"
"Boy, that kid is dumb!"
"Thank God it's Friday!"
"I wish Christmas break would come!"
"These kids are worthless!"
"What ever happened to respect?"
"The principal wasn't even in the building
the last time I checked!"
"The parents don't teach them manners!"
"All they do is sit and stare!"
"They always have excuses!"
"And they never come prepared!"
I sit and eat my sandwich
With peanut butter and jelly
As they continue unaware
Of the ache deep within my belly.
Don't they know that "idiot"
Is someone's only child?
Don't they know that "dumb" kid
Won't ask for help because they don't smile?
Don't they know what happens
Outside the classroom walls?
Don't they know what prescious beings
Walk past them in the halls?
Don't they see the kids I see
With such innovative minds?
Don't they know God formed each one,
Every shape and kind?
Don't they know the joy there is
In touching their lives each day?
How do I tell them how they touch my life
In so many different ways?
If I choose to speak up,
They'll only turn on me.
I know because I've tried it before
So this is my Galillee.
Lord, how do I fight for the kingdom without judgement.
Can I really break through?
How do I show them love and
The unbelievable joy of knowing You?
Holy Spirit, work in me
Help me to do what's right.
Until then, I will wait on you
And just take another bite . . .

In and Not Of

"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out . . Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of maturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:12

"Jesus did not die on the cross just so we could live comfortable, well-adjusted lives. his purpose is far deeper; He wants us to make us like himself before He takes us to heaven. This is our great privilege, our immediate responsibility, and our ultimate destiny." Rick Warren

Messages swirl in a circus ring,
All with different songs to sing,
Easy money, the golden ticket,
Shouting crowds in lines to picket,
Just for twenty minutes a day,
You can melt that flab away.
Twelve Steps, Eight minute Abs,
Shiny ribbons wrapping the gift of gab,
Early retirement, the next quick fix,
Each pulling out of our bag of tricks,
Just add water, Simmer and Stir,
All keep spinning to paint the blur.
A frenzied dance in the theater of the absurd,
Until breaking through, a gentle voice is heard.
I catch my breath and it all becomes clear
As the voice of God keeps drawing near.
I stand in the noise, filled with His peace,
And the volume of the chaos begins to decrease.
Stay in the ring until they hear Him too.
Learning to sway but not to imbue.
A delicate balance to be in and not of,
Adding to the mix His compassion and love.
Sleeves rolled up, no fear of sticky fingers
Yet taking care of stains that might linger.
Eyes on Him, feet by their side,
Whispering the story of why He died.
Whispers are cutting, though not very loud,
Like His humble life that lived for the crowd.