Wednesday, May 24, 2006

"The Classroom" on KBC

"A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired." Proverbs 17:22 (Msg)

"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on." Bob Newhart

“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis." from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (SNL)

A show called "Teachers" was recently added to the primetime lineup.
The comedic potential was endless. I pictured something like "The Office" on NBC, which, if you've ever worked in an office, and even if you haven't, is unbelievably hilarious. The characters are over-the-top yet completely authentic and believable. The comedic timing of the actors combined with the camera angles and editing leaves me with side aches and pains in my cheeks for days.
So when I heard about this new show, I dreamed of the prospective hilarity that could sweep the nation (and possible result in a national bill to raise teacher salaries-hey, a girl can dream). But--, oh no. The new show was a complete, and horrifyingly shallow, let down. The writers have obviously never set foot in an actual school. I am assuming they were all homeschooled by someone like David Koresh and were sheltered from the amazing situational comedy that arises minute by minute at my place of employment.

So here are a few excerpts from the new hit show "The Classroom" on KBC (Kristin Baker channel). Season Finale airing June 9th. By the way, this is all based on true occurrences. The names have been changed to protect the innocent . . .

Scene One:
Teacher: "So, Mike, you look deep in thought. What do you think Langston Hughes means by 'My soul has grown deep like the rivers'?"
Steve: What? Oh, I'm sorry I was just thinking about how cool my shirt is . . . you likey?

Scene two:
Teacher: "So what does the green light at the end of Daisy's dock symbolize for Gatsby?" Jason?
(Shot of Jason with a piece of paper taped to his forhead covering the top half of his face with detailed illustration of wildly wide eyes and bold words below that read. "I'm not asleep. I promise.")

Scene Three:
Teacher: Megan, where's your essay?
Megan: (fast, all in one breath) So I put it on a disc, right? Cuz our printer wasn't working, and then I tried to e-mail it to you, but our internet wasn't working b/c my mom couldn't pay the bill because there was this Prada purse that she really needed and she let me borrow it, isn't it cute? anyhoo, I had it on disc, and then my little brother took it and was like playing fetch with our dog with it, and I was all like "Oh my gosh if you don't give that to me I'm going to strangle you in your sleep" and he was all (Mimmicking a "special" little boy, which he is not) "Finders keepers" and I was all "it's mine you little creepy dork face" and then my dad came in and was all (deep manly voice)"What's going on here?" and I told him, but he wouldn't believe me so then he said there was this guy in the bible who cut a baby in half so the two chicks fighting over it would stop, and Tommy was all like "do it, Can I get the saw?" and I was all like "Dad! No! It's got my English essay on it!" But then Snickers, that's our dog, came and snatched it and buried in somewhere in the back yard, and I tried to dig for it, but I got all icky, anyway can I get one of those little extension thingies?"
(teacher deadpans camera)

and that is only the tip of the iceberg . . .

Thank You, Lord for the gift of humor, laughter, and the lighter side of this life you've given us. I wonder if the angels tell you jokes sometimes. I bet you have the greatest laugh . . .


Scrapnqueen said...

Man,that was funny. I think you have a potential second career as a screen writer if you ever give up teaching!

Sherry Ingle said...

This so much sounds like the day my son Matt was having last week...he was really questioning why it was that he teaches??? I told him that is why God gives teachers "summer breaks"!!!

Danny V said...

I likey...

Anonymous said...

Seriously Kristin, I agree with scrapnqueen. In your "Spare Time" you should consider working on a manuscript.

And... you were right, the show "Teachers" was extremely disappointing.

I miss you girlfriend and your stories and the laughter.