Love Letters in the Morning

When my love and I first met
He wrote to me
Poetry, letters, songs of passion
His handwriting drew me
As the trickle of a rolling river
That somehow brings peace in constant movement
intertwining fingers of anticipation and repose
Each bend of the river was new
Each rock gently changing its flow
Redirecting the path to new revelation.
I ran to the mailbox, expecting, hoping,
Yearning for more of his words, his thoughts, his love
I never knew such love.
But I did . . .
You were there.
Your love letters sat on a high shelf
In a dusty cover with pages stuck together
That smelled new from lack of use.
Or sometimes in a drawer
With papers I never needed,
Pictures I never placed in an album,
Paper clips, rubber bands, and rusty scissors.
Your love letters
Your Song of Solomon
Your Psalms
Your Mathew Mark, Luke, and John
Your Genesis, Your Exodus
Your Romans and Jeremiah.
But now ancient words come alive like the morning paper
To run to the Book, expecting, hoping,
Yearning for more of Your Word, Your thoughts, Your Love
I never knew such love.
But I did . . .

“Your promises to me are hope. They give me strength in all my troubles; how they refresh and revive me!” Psalm 119:49

“Your words are what sustain me . . . They bring joy to my sorrowing heart and delight me.” Jeremiah 15:16

First Words

In my haughty humanity
I would have shouted "I told you so!"
to the wagging finger Pharisees,
to ambivalent Pilate and his dripping hands.
But You took a few steps out of a tomb
inhaling the fresh scents of the garden
to speak the name of a weeping woman
a social outcast who found herself alone yet again
to ask a simple question
"Why are you crying?"
and yet somehow I hear my name
tasting the salt of my own tears
as You wish us both the first
Happy Easter
stealing our tears from grief
and handing them over to joy
Robin Hood style
as we open our eyes
to see You
just long enough to grin
fall into Your arms
and then take off running.

"In his triumph, Jesus could have paraded though the streets of Jerusalem. He could have knocked on Pilate's door. He could have confronted the high priest. But the first person our resurrected Lord appears to is a woman without hope. And the first words he speaks are, "Why are you crying?"
"What a savior we serve, or rather, who serves us. For in his hour of greatest triumph, he doesn't shout his victory from the rooftops. He comes quietly to a woman who grieves...who desperately needs to hear his voice...see his face...and feel his embrace."
Ken Gire, Moments with the Savior

"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."
Jesus said to her, "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).
John 20:15-16

Thornbush and Briers

in the gasp of the sting
in the blood of the wound
in the thorny questions of the why
when the pain pulls us to our knees
We still hold on to the thornbush
because in You we know
the sweet fruit is coming
to quench our thirst
in this desert
on our way to Your promised land
or maybe we're just wallowing
on the road to Emmaus
heavy footed sandals dragging the dust
like pouting kids shuffling sneakers
after a kickball loss of 9 year old bravado
But little did we know
You've been walking with us
talking with us
all along.

"Thank You for the hunger I have known in the wilderness and the thorns and nails I have known in the world, I have learned to feel something of the pain You felt when you walked this earth...and something of the fellowship of your sufferings, and intimacy with you I would have never known apart from tears..." Ken Gire, Moments with the Savior

"Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed." Isaiah 55:13

The Gardener

i tried something new
an obstinant, weak candle in a lit room
chasing the darkness to spread a light
little did i know
it was i who would be blessed
refreshed and renewed
by the cool
of their Steel Magnolias
seeing You smiling back and flickering
in their silvery mirrored petals.
Your humor in Patti's sarcasm
with precision arrow timing
like Robin hood splitting that arrow
with a smirk on his face
and a soft spot in his heart.
Your beauty in Jen's spirit
as she races her kids around town
giving up gas in the tank and a little bit of herself
jingling bangle bracelets
like windchimes that remind of us summer
in the middle of the icy winter chill
and even though she doesn't always see it,
her beauty leaves us all astounded.
Your creativity in Karen's strumming fingers
and velvety honest voice
that carries us far from our living room worries
to a place of sincerity and trust
as simple and bold as a pair of cowboy boots.
Your love for us in mother Dolly
who pulls us under her wings as her own
no matter how old we are
who feeds us well, hugs often,
and smiles more than she should
to make up for the rest of us.
Your constancy in Mandi's strength
when cancer haunted not once but twice
and she went in fighting
and came out a champion
disguised as just another shopping mom
in White House Black Market.
Long after the final curtain call,
as we go our separate ways,
and that last echo of applause fades like a train whistle,
the cool of their steely strength
and the lessons that blossomed
in those fragrant Magnolia talks
basktage and in the back seat of a van
will keep growing and helping me become
the women you made me to be
and the little girls we will always be to You
our Daddy
and the tender gardner
of this little patch of Steel Magolias.


"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself."
~Edith Barrymore

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 59:16

"Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."
Dinah Shore~

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Share joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow." Swedish Proverb

Bah. Hum(ble) Bug.

Christmas Carol Intro Week 1 from dustin maust on Vimeo.

Three books in my lap, three spirits in one night
Your word, Dickens' tale, and a gift from You
Scrooge needed three
but the One You sent was plenty for me
Common truths fly up like rays of light
Three glowing ribbons dancing in the wind
until You braid them into a stronger cord
a cord they can hold onto
one that pulls them closer to You
a 4th wall frosty windowed night
where a dusty book from Charles Dickens
and leather bound gold-tipped truths
tip toe off the shelves of the past
and jump in front of their eyes
like the clocks they check throughout the day
a place, a time, a story
where scars are beautiful
success cannot clink in your pockets
and we discover that our low view of things
is really just a high horse.
Where we fall from our smug upturned noses
into the graves of our own pride
flailing down so we can look up to You
the One who frees them from all chains
heals as the crutch is tossed aside
and melts the heart of the coldest of men
whether it be in a tale of one night
or the truth of a blinding day trip to Damascus
I will brace behind You like a kid in a scary movie
praying, hoping, begging that we might all leave changed
unfettered
laughing
and singing carols like fools
to wish You a proper birthday
this December
and maybe for all eternity.


"Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the old city knew. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him. His own heart laughed, and that was quite enough for him. It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well. May that be truly said of all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!" Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol

"Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time." ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

"A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes... and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent." Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." Luke 2:10-14

Hungry

Little Krissy Liz had a bad habit

of treating her Father like a vending machine.

Culinarally adept, A grand master chef,

He's the virtuoso of delicious cuisine.

But she would settle for pushing His buttons

demanding pre-packaged snacks.

On the whole, she liked the control,

and munched on her plastic wrapped packs.

He longed for her to join Him in the kitchen

studying His craft by His side.

Making jokes while breaking yokes

covered in flour and grinning wide.

As she grew older, her appetite grew,

and she longed for something more

She found junk food gave her sour moods

Got stomach aches at the candy store.

She came home one day, tip-toed in

Standing in the kitchen door frame

Trying not to bother, she watched her Father

sauteeing over an open flame.

She marveled at His care and skill
the thoughful details in all of His dishes
the golden brown, the perfectly round
and sweet blend of spicy delicious

The scent of meat and fresh peppers

Revived her scenses and then

To His delight, she tried a bite,

And was never the same again.

She mourned the years she'd wasted

tunnell vision of vending machines

He often laughed at how she studied his craft

With a passion He'd rarely seen.

Then one day she understood

She wasn't training to cook for herself

Fresh ingredients of, a new kind of love,

She wanted to cook for everyone else.

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." Mother Theresa

"Never again will they hunger;

never again will they thirst.

The sun will not beat upon them,

nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;

he will lead them to springs of living water.

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:16-17

Quite the Character

Her commitment to character astounds me.

some secret six year old desire to be a shape shifter

gracefully slithering into different disguises

walking to her craftily composed epic soundtrack

in the playground of her imagination.

Designing new shapes and lines with eyes of intent

and a tongue out to the side.

Always singing a new song that makes us lean in to listen.

Two years now of inventing her own character

No chance in a trick-or-treat of meeting her twin on the streets

originality the name of the game.

Last year, it was Sylon, the ninja princess,

yielding her sword of truth and quick-moving hands,

fighting for justice in hot pink and glitter.

This year Frostina, an icy heroine,

who can freeze objects as well as time,

fighting for justice, caped for battle,

and missing her two front teeth.

Known for her one-liners and endless energy

a world where everything is more than it seems

a folded blanket could be the roof of the fort

a marker, paper and glue keys to a storybook world

and a towel the cape that makes you fly.

She inspires me, challenges me, and makes me dream.

And I dream of what You will do with all this

how it could last and grow with her height

Until she falls into Your arms instead of ours

holding onto her gift of imagination

shape shifting into a new heroine for You

fighting for justice with a sword of truth

that's really a leather bound book

in her quick-moving hands.
Still designing new shapes and lines with eyes of intent
and a tongue out to the side.

Always singing a new song that makes us lean in to listen.

Still known for her one-liners and endless energy
and living in a world where everything is more than it seems
where Your Son is on the street corner waiting to be fed

Your Spirit is in the storybook truth, sticking in her mind like glue

and You are the purpose that keeps her flying.

And at the end of her life, all who knew her,

especially You,

would smile and say,

"Her commitment to character astounds me."

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." Epehesians 4:14-16

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

"He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:3

"My faith is not what I write about or what I paint about, but it is the light by which I see."Flannery O'Conner

Over Pressure

I've decided to break up with Pressure.

He's messing with my head

keeping me from You

and sucking all abundance from this life.

Addition and subtraction of You vs. him

and I've been letting him win the equations.

But we have a history

he's clinging on like a stalker in the bushes

a voice in my ears

a vice grip on my head.

But I'm trading Him in for Privilege,

the honor of trusting You

with the Christmas train whistle bearing down

high pitched and squealing like a tea kettle,

the calendar moving and clicking by too fast

like a broken, flapping film strip,

and everyone's looking for me to fix it.

To give them the big ending to the movie they demand.

And they all want something different.

He's clingy, suffocating and persistent,

bearing down on the palette until it's all blended to goopy brown

never letting up until I'm all dried up.

But Your kind of pressure is liberating

breath-taking, and brings the brightest colors to my brush

leading me to higher ground, untouched.

So I'm trading Pressure in for Privilege today.

seam-ripping through this elastic prison

out in the open with You

because no matter what Pressure says

You got this.

"Fierce troubles came down on the people of those churches, pushing them to the very limit. The trial exposed their true colors: They were incredibly happy, though desperately poor. The pressure triggered something totally unexpected: an outpouring of pure and generous gifts. poor Christians." 2 Corinthians 8:2-3

"Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second.” Robert Frost

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:1-3

“Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary. When you start thinking of pressure, it's because you've started to think of failure.” Tommy Lasorda

"The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.
Then I let it all out;
I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."
Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.
These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we'll be on high ground, untouched."

Psalm 32:4-6

Curtains

Innovate 09 from Granger Community on Vimeo.

I take my curtains for granted.
They hang beautifully, faithfully, day after day
brushing by them countless times in a week
Keeping us warm, cool, and comfortable
The spot where Lauren's hands grab to peek out
has grown higher and higher with every season
every precious visitor who visits is greeted
and farewelled by a friendly wave between the curtains
like a gleeful puppet show just for them
But there are days, months, years even,
when we go to work, come home, eat, sleep, play, live
and never take time to think about our curtains.
Imagine our shock to come home one day to find them stolen.
Blinding sunlight in the day and feeling exposed at night.
We take our curtains for granted.
Like our own ability to see
our silent breath in and out
our heartbeats...
And all too often, Your great commission.
For centuries, the Church has faced snakey temptation,
the pull for pageantry or the desire for political gain,
and in the middle of our planning services, events, elements,
in our busyness of preparation behind the stage curtains,
We forget about the curtain You tore in half
and our calling to share it with the world.
Somehow brushing past You to sit together on Sunday mornings
looking to stay warm, cool, and comfortable.
A bunch of prodigal big brothers, smug that we stayed at home
refusing to come to the party for someone so stupid.
Well-dressed cliques who shake hands, wave hello and goodbye
never getting past our own draping-curtained superficial smiles.
There will come a day when the curtains will fall from our eyes
like scales from the blind man You touched
the day when You come back to claim those
who stepped over those torn curtain pieces
into the temple of following You.
Confession time,
exposed.
That day scares me.
I know there will be celebration, healing, victory, redemption.
But I can't help but ache for all those left behind
the students I never got to share You with,
the friendly neighbors I never took time to get to know,
the hungry children in Monroe circle,
the thousands in India who didn't make it to the church plants.
the shoppers in Target right across the street,
who drive by the building like a curtain in a living room.
That day will be agony for them.
They are the reasons we get up in the morning
work late, have long meetings, hold conferences,spend days, weeks, months, years,
finding new innovative ways to capture their attention.
Shake us to move from hamsters on wheels
to your kids chasing Your dreams
of what could be and should be.
And help me to cling to that heavy ache in my chest
that nagging thought in my mind
that incessant pull like a veil torn
all the way to the final curtain.


"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

“Become the change you seek in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1


"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" David Livingstone

Presents of Presence

nine years of teaching in the public schools
a calling to sprint underwater
conduct an orchestra in handcuffs
or tie my shoes with my teeth
and, oddly enough, I loved it.
Even more astonishing, I was beginning to miss it
those metamorphosis moments

springboarding from my simple love for them
those wide eyes that finally get that they matter to someone
those beaming grins after the blank paper is filled
Then I snap out of the little misty daydreams
and find myself sitting in a puddle of guilt
painting pictures of Egypt after arriving in the Promised Land
So once again You came along
with another gift I didn't know I needed.
1 class, 18 students, and a breathless freedom to speak of You
Nine years of censoring myself

square peg round hole to to fit into the fragmented box of law
dancing with euphemisms like a monkey in a hat
An alternate universe
Where the power of the Holy Spirit was just their "conscience"
when Mt. Sinai's stone tablets
were buried more like tombstones as "morals to the story"
Christ figure characters imprisoned by "Protagonist" boxes
Epic parable allusions boiled down to "literary devices"
and the greatest story and theme of all time
was left unsaid, untaught, and raging inside me.
And those after-class conversations when I slipped,
couldn't help msyelf, broke the rules and mentioned You
only led to a trip to the Principal's office
and a peach-colored warning sheet I had to sign.
Me, the straight A good girl, somehow the new rebel in school.
Nine years of teaching in a straight jacket.
Until now
This one class at a Christian College,
when the duct tape comes off the mouth
the straight jacket untied, unbelted, removed
You're no longer the elephant in the room
but the subject of the study
intermingled and touching everything
like fall campus winds or long stringy spaghetti
when I can hold the Bible like a pop-up book stage
where Your storytelling brilliance finally comes alive
when the true theatre of Your word
meets the fantasy of the stage
in a mind-blowing dance of artful ministry
and I can't help but look up to thank You
for the freedom to speak my mind
a new playground to speak Your heart
for the presents of Your presence
acknowledged, unfettered, and arms out
like dancing in the sun.

"All to often we are giving children cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants."---John W. Gardner

"Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ." Acts 28:31

"Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." Acts 5:42

12 Years Today

pendulum hammock swings of opposites attract
rolling us to kiss in the sanity in the middle
to meet my high school crush on the college boy
flashback squeeling around the house
writing in my journal to you...
"Dear God, send me a boy LIKE Cody Baker..."
like some 1950's Gidgit apple pie movie
with letter sweaters, going steady and
tailored ponytail perfection
only I didn't fit the flawless Hollywood plastic mold
in my freckled, awkward, ball of nerves bag of bones
so I kept teetering on the edge of my seat
waiting for the movie to end
anticipating the rock in the stomach rejection
like the white knuckled seconds before a crash
but twelve years later, he's still here
determined to raise a family, fix some faucets,
love my flaws, repair a brake leak, increase my laugh lines
and lead us all closer to You.
Our opposites can overheat and boil over
walking off in a huff and propelling deep angry breaths
but in every pendulum swing
every inch of space between
every dizzying sway challenge
our ying and yang will roll to the middle
cradled in our future woven by You
to kiss in the middle of a paradox.


"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years." Simone Signoret

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Philippians 2:1-4

"People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' forever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change -not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last... but if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest." C.S. Lewis

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:31-33

"That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger." George Eliot

A B See's

That phrase is still ringing in my ears
"Mommy, I know you're probably going to say no to this, but...."
Her new favorite way of asking me for things
as if I'm that meanie mommy
hoarding all her glittery wishes
in my stingy matronly apron pocket
like a crotchety old school marm
complete with hunchback, hairy moles, and a permanent scowl
Doesn't she know I'd gladly offer my life for hers?
Can't she see the immense love I have for her
that spills out in little drops of joy when I watch her sleep?
That I look for new ways to bless her every day
Doesn't she know the "no's" come with intention to save her?
To keep her from the indulgent plague of a spoiled child?
To protect her from the lies of this world that parade as truth
tempting children with their colorful carney ways?
I wish I could help her understand
break it down into little chewable pieces
like cutting her steak for her.
And then I hear You whisper
A truth that knocks the wind out of me--
Four years of trying for a second baby
Forty-eight months of no's
The elephant in the prayer room
and I'm beginning to see
myself in my little girl's pouty swagger
And I can hear Your voice in my questions to her
"Can't You see the immense love I have for you?
That I look for new ways to bless you every day?
Can't you see the "no's" come with intention to save you?
Don't You know I'd gladly offer my life for Yours?"
And You did.
My little girl's voice comes in again
"Mommy, I know you're probably going to say no to this, but..."
(sigh)
And I hear You one last time
that still, small voice whisper
"Sometimes, that's how you pray."

Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20

"We want to know not how we should pray if we were perfect but how we should pray being as we are now....It is no use to ask God with factitious earnestness for A when our whole mind is in reality filled with the desire for B. We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us..." C.S. Lewis. Letters to Malcom, Chiefly on Prayer

"Prayers are not always--in the crude, factual sense of the word--'granted.' This is not because prayer is a weaker kind of causality, but because it is a stronger kind. When it 'works' at all it works unlimited by space and time. that is why God has retained a discretionary power of granting or refusing it; except on that condition prayer would destroy us, It is not unreasonable for a headmaster to say "Such and such things you may do according to the fixed rules of this school. But such and such other things are too dangerous to be left to general rules. If you want to do them you must come and make a request and talk over the whole matter with me in my study. And then--we'll see." C.S. Lewis, God in the Dock

"Prayer is a request. The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of the finite and fooolish creatures, of course He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable 'success' in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic--a power in certain human beings to control, or compel the course of nature." C.S. Lewis, The World's Last Night

"Wouldn't He know without being asked?" said Polly.

"I've no doubt He would," said the Horse..." But I've sort of the idea he likes to be asked."

C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

Coal Kisses

I hear You calling me
into dangerous prayers
No more bless me's
give me's
help me's
and sooth me prayers.
I may not be ready, but it's time.
Burn me
Break me
Send me
Mold me
into what You had in mind all along.
make me uncomfortable
wide-eyed to any pride
face down at Your feet
crackling in that fiery peace
dancing ribbon flames
like waving arms to praise You
a soothing fever rock
from the scorching blaze
And send me coal kisses with wings
to wake me up.



"Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!""
Isaiah 6: 6-8


"Can't sleep. An angel wants to burn my lips with coal. I must count the cost....Here am I! Send me!... Make me a man of prayer! Put power in my words. Your word is powerful! Make your word my word, make your power my power. I want to be God's voice, full of love, mercy and fire!...I don't want greatness. I want you to be great! Lower me down. Humble me. Teach me to humble myself, O Lord!" From the Journal of Keith Green, Entry March 1979

"And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
I feel lonely without hope
I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird
And my heart burns for you"
"Obsession" song by Delirious (Cutting Edge, 1995)


"The people who suffer from arrogance don't know it... Pride will block your vision like nothing else. It'll make you a blind man or a blind woman... but the Holy Spirit can reveal truth to you that you could never see on your own. He knows you better than you know yourself...God, we open up ourselves to You now. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear. God empty us of our pride, so we can receive the flood of mercy you give to those who fear You."
Rob Wegner, "The Arrogance Trap" sermon July 15-16-2009

Nous Dansons

"The Dance of Life" Edvard Munch (1899-1900)

The tempos often change

and the music shifts without warning

from the quick steps of the Cha Cha

to the smooth glide of waltz

a few moments in the smirkin' bounce of hip hop

to the jazzy-grinned kicks of swing

from the firm embrace of the tango

to the breezy sway of the hula side by side

the clickety clack of precision tap

to the battling paso-doble of questions

light on our toes jive in the morning

to the foot-dragging merengue of the afternoon

through every beat, every crescendo

every heart-pounding bridge

Your hold never weakens

Your lifts never fall

and even though sometimes I want to,

I promise to let You lead.

"God is not a static thing--not even a person--but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance...The whole dance, or drama, or pattern of this three-Personal life is to be played out in each one of us...each one of us has got to enter that pattern, take his place in that dance." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Then maidens will dance and be glad,

young men and old as well.

I will turn their mourning into gladness;

I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Jeremiah 31:13

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still posess." Martin Luther

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven...
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1,4

Windy Day

There are days when it feels like the wind is helping me along
adding a little pep to my step
brushing my hair from my face
whistling happy soundtrack tunes
and making everything dance to the sway of the trees.
Then there are those days when a failure gust knocks me down
resisting my efforts to crawl forward
smearing the salty drops on my cheeks
deafening my thoughts like a rumbling train
and tearing leaves to throw them far from their branchy homes.
Those days where this wishy washy unpredictable snaking breeze
longs to live like the sun
where everyone needs me
I never let them down
and always show up on time
when I can persuade the buds to blossom
and shine to make them all look a little brighter.
But that's Your job.
So on these leaf-tearing, mind-blowing windy days
I'll lean against the wind
letting the dead leaves fly free
to make room for the buds you have in mind
and just hold on
digging my roots into You.


"The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up in each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"..if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, 'How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me?'...as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you...but the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearies by our sins, or our indifference; a therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him...The battle is between faith and reason on one side and emotion and imagination on the other...You find out the strength of the wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down...We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

"If you are suffering from a bad man's injustice, forgive him lest there be two bad men."
St. Augustine of Hippo

"He that demains mercy, and shows none, ruins the bridge over which he himself is to pass." Thomas Adams

“Although it’s true that there are times when we are merely bystanders in life’s ever-ending stream of head-on collisions, rarely are we completely innocent. More often than not, we do something to contribute to the problem’s we’re experiencing. People who are the best at dialogue understand this simple fact and turn it into the principle “Work on me first.” They realize that not only are they likely to benefit by improving their own approach, but also that they’re the only person they can work on anyway. As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape - with any degree of success - is the person in the mirror." Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

Words of Wonder

Four Words from Granger Community on Vimeo.

we have a secret, don't we...
like a wink no one else sees
or the sticky candy-flavored secrets
whisper in telephone playground games
but I'm afraid if I tell them the truth
they'll misunderstand
and walk away annoyed and confused
like when a really skinny chick gets a compliment
but rolls her eyes and complains about her thighs
somehow cheapening her beauty
so maybe I'll just smile and say thank you
and keep our little secret
the ethereal truth that might only creep them out
after all, theophanies only happen in the bible
but the secrets bubbling up and steaming like a geyser
and there it is
the bursting truth that
sometimes it's not really writing
it's dictation
like transcribing a dream
But when I wake up everyone's singing my praises
telling me how smart and talented I am
while I wipe my sleepy eyelids and stutter,
clumsily trying to interject the naked truth
like a man lost at sea who passed out in a cushiony raft
and got home to read the epic headlines
of his thousand mile swim
I want to argue
all I did was ask for Your help
craving what You wanted them to know
our little sticky secret
that I'm not really that intelligent
that I'm not that great of a writer
just a girl lost in a sea of wonder
learning how to listen to You.


"When you own that you are God's beloved and not people's property, it will free you up as an artist in a way that sets others free. And through this freedom, the character of who God is will be finally and freely revealed."
Efrem Smith, "Worship of the Beloved"
Toward Wonder: Willow Creek Arts Conference '09

"Wonder is the basis of worship. When we, as artists, live in a state of wonder ourselves, then we are better able to usher others into the presence of a wonderful God."
Nancy Beach, "Toward Wonder" Willow Creek Arts Conference '09

"Therefore once more I will astound these people
with wonder upon wonder;
the wisdom of the wise will perish,
the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish." Isaiah 29: 14

Summer Night

summer from eyemotion on Vimeo.

Wind Chimes clink

Water balloons in the kitchen sink

Porch swings where eyelids sink

Pink Lemonade to drink

More time to stop and think

In the Spirit of the Summer.

Hopscotch on sidewalk chalk

Riding bikes around the block

Lawn chairs for long talks

Come on in, no need to knock

Forgetting about the clock

In the Spirit of the Summer

Lean down to feed the swans

No televisions on
Lots of smiling yawns

Lush clover carpet lawn

No agenda agreed upon

In the Spirit of Summer

Nature serenading You

Gentle birds coo coo

Beaches sunset hue

Fluffy White against the blue

I look up to say “thank you”

For the Spirit of Summer.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.”

Sir J. Lubbock

Stepping Stones

without Your story, it's just a silent stone in a pocket
clandestine power veiled and caressed by their fingertips
like poetry cradling hidden meanings
nestled in a knitted hammock sling like a Fathers arms
giving secret life like the sun on a greenhouse roof
a pocket size reminder of your colossal love
something to hold in the palms of their hands
reminding their minds and hearts to cling to You
again or for the very first time
and I pray they hold on tight
not to a quick fix
a temporary high
some euphoric picture
of harps and cherubs
not to some pasted happy face smile
some whitewash cover that will fade
but to the new stepping stone reality of You
right there next to them in the thick of it
because even though they're different on Sunday
Monday is coming like a whining, rumbling train
that churning locomotive "all aboard!" inevitability
back to the same cluttered, argumentative homes
the same itchy, irritable workplaces and sticky red tape
the same four walled cells on the calendar routine
the same catch in their lower backs or aching knees
And I pray they can feel You with them
carrying them along like a stone in Your pocket
remembering little David looking up at a giant
a new sense of purpose
a new way to love their families
a new way to see their coworkers
there's work to be done
and the body of Christ just got a little stronger
bearing all those burdens and
weight-lifting all those stones
leading us on the same path as Stephen and Paul
who felt the impact of the stones of opposition
and following the stone the builders rejected
that became the cornerstone
who stood between all of us and a bucket of stones
a line in the sand, daring the blameless to cast the first one
and especially celebrating that third day
when the stone was rolled away
And that is just the smooth surface
of the hidden pocketed power
of those little stepping stones.


"As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe, "The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone. " 1 Peter 2: 4-7

"Every addition to that body enables Him to do more. If you want to help those outside you must add your own little cell to the body of Christ who alone can help them. Cutting off a man's fingers would be an odd way of getting him to do more work." C.S. Lewis , Mere Christianity

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good... I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8: 26-28, 38-39 (Msg)

"... the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God...the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because he loves us; just as the roof of a green house does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it..." C.S. Lewis , Mere Christianity

Chutes and Ladders

Sometimes I'm bruised in the smooth, slick setbacks

dragging me down to fatigue at the bottom of the board

never really enjoying the ladders for fear of the next slide

but maybe I should just play like Lauren

knowing I'm meant to reach the top eventually

high-fiving all my fellow cardboard standup friends

and sailing down with my hands raised to You

Wheeeeeeee!

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” Thomas Merton

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Melt

We've become an icy generation
frozen opinions wrapped in newspapers and online forums
Noisy arctic winds stinging our rosy ears
and caressing our pride smooth as glass
frosty voices hissing humanity's biting independence
and we stand tall to hide our shivering
jaws clenched to resist our chattering teeth
while the world continues to hammer
chipping and cracking
breaking and shattering
piece by piece

But Your springtime is always waiting
tiny buds awaiting the end to frosty hibernation
Subtle breezes crinkling in the leather-bound, gold-tipped pages
and melting our hearts, balmy with new life
Warm worship melodies singing our sunshine dependence
and we kneel at Your feet to give up our glacial ways
arms up to reach the toasty glow of surrender
while You bend down to envelop us in Your embrace
melting and nourishing
healing and soothing
peace by peace




"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." C.S. Lewis

"I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16 (Msg)