Two Little Words

a worn picnic table
a cloud of dancing gnats
ducks coupling for a nest
a bird singing my mouth into a smile
and a wind that plays with the water
like Lauren's fingers in the sand
a worn pink leather bound world awaits
but it's only day two
already feeling a little worn
running from future failures
tilt a whirl mind spinning
but I know the joy waiting inside
for if I simply ask (John 14:14)
you'll be waiting with answers
in the silver tipped pages of Your story
and mine
but the wind of worry blows the pages
as my hand reaches to steady the peace
and Paul reminds me
of my baby step today
two infant words
that grow into a giant truth

let go

"There are different kinds of working,
but the same God works all of them in all men." (1 Cor 12:6)

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. Don't suppress the Spirit, and don't stifle those who have a word from the Master. On the other hand, don't be gullible. Check out everything, and keep only what's good." 1 Thessalonians: 5:16-21 (Msg)

"Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you're going to look pretty foolish." Luke 14:28

"God is not the author of confusions. Satan, however, is. If you are still confused--wait. Peace is the umpire." Patrick Morley

Fork in the Road

It took You seven days to create all the beauty in the world, so I figure seven days is enough time to make this decision . . .

I'm listening . . .

but it's hard to hear You

over all the what if's

thank you for this week

in this season of new life

one week

to clear my head

chase some silence

only to discover peace

Your will

the right decision

just You

I'm listening . . .

"For all your planning, events will sometimes unfold in ways you could never have predicted . . . Begin each day ready to educate yourself. Live each waking moment as if it might be a 'teachable moment,' a chance to expand your mind and strengthen your abilities . . . There will be days when you have difficulty chasing your red rubber ball." Kevin Carroll, Rules of the Red Rubber Ball

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. " Psalm 143:10

"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue." Proverbs 16:1

"Ignorant zeal is worthless; haste makes waste." Proverbs 19:2

Riding in the Rain

drops slide down the dirty window

like a glass pinball machine
Your word sits heavy in my lap
I'm in those tough books
Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Numbers
it all seems so gloomy
new rules dragging behind them

a rusty chain of punishment

fear fettered to obedience like a slave
a gray cloud looms out the window
but I know the Son is coming

so like a tender plant
and my little girl

I will raise my head,
arms out, palms up, mouth open
and take in

every drop of You

and go riding in the rain



"Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew;
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants."
Deuteronomy 32:2

Toss Your Cookies

(Paraphrased)"Americans have been given much, and much is expected. It's like a child hoarding all the cookies, unwilling to share. We often ask: Why don't I have more? But what we should be asking is: Why do I have so much? " Rob Wegner, GCC New Community 3/15/07

"There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land." Deuteronomy 15:11

www.globalrichlist.com

Lord, help me to find a way to use the blessings you've given me to make a difference on a global level. No more changing the channel when those big eyes filled with hunger fill the TV screen. No more running from the news toward the sweet comfort of complacency. Help me find a way to toss my cookies to those who really need them.

Once Upon a Stage

" . . .we aren't always looking for a push. Instead we just want someone to cheer for us . . . we all need people to encourage us to do the next right thing. From time to time, we all need standing ovations." Tony Morgan, Simply Strategic Volunteers

"I think there's a reason bedtime stories always end with 'happily ever after.' Once everything is happy and there's no struggle, then there's no more story to tell. We don't want to hear about happiness and peace unless the story also includes freedom and discovery. Without discovery all you have is monotony. Without freedom, utopia isn't paradise after all. It's just hell in a fancy prom dress. But God can create a better paradise than that . . . God's first words to humans were 'You are free'." Steven James, Story

"And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden . . . " Genesis 2:16 (NIV)

castles crumble into lumber and screws

costumes return to dark, dusty rooms above the seats

goosebump harmony fades in the echoes of an empty stage

just eight weeks and a few days

after freedom and opportunity met

and forty teenagers created two nights of beauty, laughter, and love

costumes and characters shed like snakeskin

as reality is waiting like an angry parent

alas, there is no more makeup to hide behind,

programs with their names have long since been tossed away,

and the applause died down like a wave

and who knows when the next one is coming

ready-made approval of a sea of faces

long since gone their separate ways

like confetti in a windstorm

My dear Friend,

My fellow fan of these precious kids

My Creator and theirs,

I just wish they knew

the true freedom and discovery

of living life for an audience of One

that life is not hell in a fancy prom dress

to see the potential they have

to create beauty, laughter, and love

every moment, every day,

for the rest of their play

on this stage called earth

only then will they experience the true

happily ever after

but for now I simply thank you

for eight weeks and a weekend of joy

with forty teenagers

Once Upon a Stage

Juggling the Red Rubber Balls

"What's your red rubber ball? What's your source of joy? What topics do you love to discuss and ponder? What dreams to do you chase? ... After all, where do dreams start? They start when we're playing, when we're free to run and romp around. That's when we imagine we're something bigger than we are. The red rubber ball represents play to me. It's any activity,topic or purpose that makes you excited about the day..." Kevin Carroll, Rules of the Red Rubber Ball

"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing.To him he's always doing both." James Michener

"If I'm sleepless at midnight, I spend the hours in grateful reflection. Because you've always stood up for me, I'm free to run and play. I hold on to you for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post."
Psalm 63:4-6

the microphone is changing
as the message remains
steady as a post
thy kingdom come,
thy love among
those who are running from
searching for
even fighting against You
but
there's more than one
red rubber ball
the pen of a writer
the heart of a teacher
the vision of story in the church
the hands of a mother
the romance of a decade old marriage
heartbeats racing for each one
like a mother with too many children to feed
but I look up to thank You
for too many dreams
too many playgrounds
too many books to read
too many convases to fill
for
too many ways to praise You

Caged in the Hairball

"If we are to achieve the quantum leaps the future seems to be demanding of us, we must risk to leave our containers-turned cages and find grace to dance without stepping on toes. . . Many of us choose security over freedom to such an extreme that we confine ourselves and profoundly limit our experience of life. Maximum safety, minimum existence."
Gordon MacKenzie, Orbiting the Giant Hairball

"I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you'll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior."
Luke 16:8b (Msg)

Ok, so this post just couldn't inspire true poetry--one of the side effects of the hairball, I suppose.

There are certain parts of my job that I love ... namely, the students.

I want my actions,my words,my promises,my life to scream to them "You matter! You are not an accident! You are not someone's second thought. Someone's punching bag. Someone's scapegoat for their own lost dreams. You have a reason for existing and a part to play in the good and beautiful side of this world. The sky's the limit . . . "

But my voice competes with the scent of prison and the slow-marching beat of mediocre expectations that snakes through the halls of public school. Where they feel like another filled desk, another word on a faceless roster, another bad kid waiting to get caught, another ID bar code to scan in the lunch line, when all we are is dust in the wind ...

I've always been the good kid, the straight A over achiever who got pats on the back for maturity, freedom and trust that was earned by consistent accomplishment, but for some reason, at this school, I am now the bad kid. The rebel, The artistic free thinker. The one to "keep on eye on". (twilight zone music playing)

When you walk in my room,
I see structured, student-led creativity and box-breaking productivity.
The powers that be see chaos.
Maybe I should put them in rows and talk them to sleep ...
I see kids teaching kids by thinking beyond abercrombie and myspace.
Poetry of the teenage mind.
They see noise.
Maybe I should pass out worksheets
and have them spit back out the spoon-fed facts I toss at them.. .
I see adrenaline pumping discussion
that tills the soil for me to plant some character education.
They see frivality. Get to the point. Stick to academia.
Why should I teach them first how to read and write
if they have nothing worthwhile to read and write about?
I see awake and engaged treasures from heaven
colliding and crashing into one another like firework finales.
They ask why the kid in the back was tapping his pencil during the discussion.
That's how he thinks, that's evidence of challenge, a spark.
I would take pencil-tapping over glazed eyes any day.

Lord, God, I'm tangled up, feeling trapped, smothered
wondering if my voice is heard though all this mess,
do they know how much You and I truly love them,
no matter what the hairball of the system
or the conveyer belt of society keeps pumping in front of them?

Give me strength, Guide my every action.
If Paul can sing in prison,so can I.

Cheerleading for a Lion Chaser

"Maybe Christ was more dangerous and uncivilized than our Sunday school flannelgraphs protrayed. Maybe God is raising up a generation of lion chasers." Mark Batterson, In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day

"Benaiah son of Jehoiada was a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, who performed great exploits. He struck down two of Moab's best men. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion." 2 Samuel 23:20

GIVE ME A "C"!
pom poms shake as I peer down in the pit
afraid to look, jaw clenched like a vice grip
the roar is deafening, but it's not the crowd
I imagine the victory before it is true
I see my husband's hand reach up from the snowy horizon
every ounce of reason would see the massive paw
GIVE ME AN "O"!
I can see my breath in the cold
and feel my toes going numb
but one ring of gold on that hand,
an I do ten years ago,
and a love I daydreamed of in junior high
brings me to the pit, pom poms in hand
dancing to stay warm,
GIVE ME A "D"!
tonight was a wound, a deep cut,
I heard him yell and the claw tear his flesh
and no matter how loud I cheer
the pain is louder in his mind
He is chasing and fighting this Lion for You
give him strength when he is wounded
help him imagine the victory as I do
the devil is whispering with voices of the past
flashbacks of fumbles on the goal line,
men he admires that he let down,
GIVE ME A "Y"!
swell the music, give him visions of triumph,
images of our daughter, peace to hear my voice,
provide strength when my cheers aren't enough,
his mind is buried in his weaknesses like falling snow
grab a shovel with me
his heart is waning from a failure he tried to prevent
like a crash he could see coming
just a split second too late in the swerve
we can't turn back time in Your disguised blessing of free will
But we can finish the cheer together
WHAT'S THAT SPELL?
VICTORY!

Inciting Moment

"The empty tomb doesn't make sense without the cross. The cross doesn't make sense without the manger,and the manger doesn't make sense without the garden of Eden. It's all one story. And only when you finally untangle it, see its scope, and enter it for yourself do you realize that the story has finally entered and at last entangled you." Steven James, Story

tough times in torah leave questions swimming
punitive God with a jealous fist
like the flip side of my hippy Jesus' Abbah
looms in the crinkly pages
eyebrow crinkling moments
when little Isaac is tied to the altar
and three thousand die because of a golden calf
violence bubbling like tar under dusty Egyptian feet
soap opera scenes between Leah and Rebeccah
made me lean forward and drop my jaw in the living room
animal blood pouring like rain with innocence slaughtered
cubit laws for the temple and color choices
like some nightmare dictator on Trading Spaces
lists of offerings and laws and sons of sons of sons
but I'm choosing to trust in the questions
because I cheated and read the ending
the Titannic veil you designed was torn in half
the prison of law and sin and mind-numbing monotony crumbled
I asked to see all sides of You
to dive in the honey and all the stickiness of history with You
the meat, the core, the aftertaste, the grizzle, all
adding suspense as I approach the happy ending
that all this tragedy was pointing to
its darkness only magnifies the light of grace
the joy of conflict, the roller coaster of suspense,
and the victory that raises my hands every service
when I get to celebrate with other readers
the true Author of it all
what a ride

"Declare what is to be, present it—
let them take counsel together.
Who foretold this long ago,
who declared it from the distant past?
Was it not I, the LORD ?
And there is no God apart from me,
a righteous God and a Savior;
there is none but me." Isaiah 45:21

Now Playing . . .

"Challenge #1 for 2007: Read the bible like a novel."
Mark Waltz, Pastor of Connections, Granger Community Church

"To understand and remember what you read, you've just got to make a movie in your head."
Ashli Hepler, English Teacher Extraordinaire, EMHS


day one
opening credits appear
in an expanse of darkness
echoes boom from nowhere
an uncomfortable silence before the ride
an Artist at the easel dips His brush
four words began all the beauty in the world
the sky painted, land sculpted,
creatures begin to walk, crawl, fly or swim
then a little dust and a breath from You
delivered the complexity of anatomy
and the intricacies of man's soul
a step back from the easel, something's missing
a helper, flesh of my flesh,
math and logic defied when the two become one,
sticky temptation slithers in,
pointing fingers, blame and shame
the gift of choice thrown back in Your face
so much beauty, and we let You down
Luckily, it was only the beginning . . .

"Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way."
2 Timothy 3:16

Guessing Games

I'm guessing this is what You were like on Christmas Eve, too!
Only You were more excited about the gift You were giving us
all the pre-planning, angels in dreams, the timing, the moment
And what a moment it was . . .

"and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:7

the Upside Down show

her favorite channel has a new show
The Upside Down Show
Two quirky guys from Australia who
bring a new style to children's television
as I sit her and listen to her giggle
and watch the reflection in her eyes
she is lost in a place where logic is challenged
and imagination is stretched like taffy at the fair
reminding me of my own red letter upside down show
when the last shall be first
and the meek shall inherit the earth
when reaching down to the least of these brings us up to You
and in your face questions leave a buckets of stones unthrown
when "eye for an eye" becomes "turn the other cheek"
and all it takes is a mustard seed
where sheep can have minds of their own
and where a tiny grain of salt is where the real flavor begins
as we face the end of December
I'm reminded how it all began
when a king was born in a feeding trough
in the most unlikely of towns
Thank you for the hope, the crazy ideas,
the riddles, the silence, the long walks with the guys
and for pulling the rug out from under humanity
Thank you for the true gift of the Upside Down Show

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." Matthew 5:17

What a Beauty

"Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I'm back home in the house of God for the rest of my life." Psalm 23:6

I was there when she took her first breath
Her first smile, her first laugh, her first step,
Here first word, her first cry, first fever, her first sigh,
I love to reach back while driving
She knows exactly what to do
She just sweetly slips her little hand around mine
"I love you too Mommy"
Four years old . . .
reading words on her own
writing letters I can read
coloring inside the lines
playing house with Barbies
why is it so difficult
. . . when it goes so fast?
I want to swim in every moment of her little life
like staying in the bathtub until you get all pruny
I want to guide her to You
like a horse to water or a bird from a cage,
I want her to know beauty beyond Barbie and dresses and pink
I want her to know the Beauty of You.
Until then,
help me to slow the clock
play tug of war with the calendar
chase her with You
and swim in the moments until I get all pruny
What a beauty

Sarah, Pretty, and Tall

"But all of you, leaders and followers alike, are to be down to earth with each other, for - God has had it with the proud, But takes delight in just plain people." 1 Peter 5:5

little mermaid kareoke under the sea
dreaming of stages and neon marquees
backyard movies with bangs in her face
cartwheels to put a smile on his face
image shaking with his wheezing laugh
the first drop of the golden calf
daddy gone just before her teens
gunstart approval races by any means
Weary-eyes mother does her best
tries to be her bulletproof vest
but working double shifts and overtime
left her no harness and a cliff to climb
so she searched the world for a chance to belong
muddled gray fog of right and wrong
now a leap of faith became the jump of her life
no looking back like Lot's salty wife
a step at a time, the left then the right
toward even the tiniest beam of His light
if she starts to back up, we might give a little nudge
much like a volleyball expert line judge
Lord, bless her efforts to move toward You
unmask the lies she has accepted as true
Thank You for letting us be there for it all
For we love her so much, our Sarah, pretty, and tall

Fashion Police

"Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

altruism was given six months to live
and I'm holding his hand, whispering wind to keep him steady,
wheezing breaths of selfish ambition
news stories shaking in his hands
tiny domes of sweat tickle his temples as we crash into one another
and the signs are everywhere you go
the eye-glaring, frown-wearing
hip-holding, brow-folding
foot-tapping, baby-slapping,
how-do-you-dare!, what-do-I-care?
life of lookin out for number one
treading in it to keep my head above the surface
in the concrete box of public education
and in this wired world that my daughter skips through
pigtails bouncing with blissfull ignorance
where everyone is Santa Claus and
danger is something in a cartoon villains's song
cynical adolescent faces smirk with bitterness
like the taste of a penny between their lips
When compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, love
all bear only one synonym
weakness
and only the strong survive
the penny taste is forming faint on my tongue
let me taste Your goodness once again
so I can swim upstream, keep altruism alive,
and clothe myself in Your qualities
even when they're going out of style.

Happy How-oween

"A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God . . . if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough." 1 Timothy 6:6 (Msg)

for my little girl, dress up has always been an adventure
stepping out on a make believe journey
fingers pinch and knuckles turn white as
possibilities swim from the rustling cloth
her little toes curl as she steps into the role
hips sway as she wriggles into her new identity
arms slip into sleeves as if reaching for an unwrapped gift
the costume ship carries her to far off lands
with magical forests, talking trees, and songs to sing
when the outfit is complete her chin rises a bit
her walk ages to a graceful stride
the living room is a backdrop painted
as she parades to the rhythms in her character's mind
new broadway hits are written and performed on the spot
for a while, she will not even answer to her own name
But at the end of the day
she snuggles back under her animal blanket
pulls "pinky" her pink elephant under her chin
her breaths get deeper and those big eyes retire for the night
And You and I see her and love her for who she really is
a gift from You, a one of a kind character
She too will be an adventure,
as I watch her transform from my pink-cheeked little imp
to a woman who walks with You to the rhythms in her heart
thank You for these days of shoes that are too big and dresses too long
one day she will know that no princess or heroine's costume
could compare to the "rich simplicity" and being herself before You
the true Hero of all of our adventures

Finding Your Center

"All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow thier own plants." John W. Gardner, Educational Philosopher

"Let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't . . .if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face. Love from the center of who you are." Romans 12: 5-10 (Msg)

Nine weeks to resurrect a poet's dream
crisp piles of paper stapled and stacked
became moments of beauty, fantasy, and laughter
rehearsals in a bare wooden box
grew into a forest with dusk and dawn
puzzling language danced off the pages
when they stepped onto the stage
chicken wire and sticky scraps of yesterday's headlines
were sculpted into a waterfall
sewing machines, hot glue, hammers, drills
were easels for their artist eyes and hearts
regal poise crept into their walks week by week
You and I knew they were always royalty
diguised in t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and a little self doubt
As the ultimate Director of all of us
I often wonder how we change Your countenance as they have mine
Do You sigh, laugh, wince, and grin at our antics?
Just before curtain call, Puck says he will "restore amends"
but You and I both know there is only One who can truly restore
thank You for teaching me to love them
from the center of who I am
when a mid-fall play blossomed into
a midsummer night's dream

Heart to Heart Resuscitation

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

hey, you in the back
staring into invisible molecules of thoughts
hiding under bangs of three different colors
or smiling to hide what happened last night
hey, you in the back
thumbs poked through over sized thermal shirt
snow white rectangle lying in front of you
promising failure before the lead crunches the sheet
hey, you in the back
eyelids sinking like blankets on the laundry line
forearm pillow calling out like a siren
since the yelling kitchen stayed up past three
hey, you in the back
there's something more

Chasing ZZZZZ's

Jeremiah 31:25
I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls.


heavy canvas of fatigue
weighs down the body
drowning the senses
pulling
down
down
down
but the head swims for the surface
a forever tilt-a-whirl of details
motion sickness while standing still?
hours pass by
thoughts fly
like a thousand bees
without a hive to call thier own
not enough time to get it all done
just keep it spinning, gninnips, spinning
three weeks since the summer left me
like a sudden death I knew was coming
my eyes long for Your word
my heart for Your voice
my mind for Your peace
and my clock to stop for a moment with You

Lord, I'm tired of being everything for everyone
when all I want to do is be me for You

First Day, First Impressions

"It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season" (or school year after school year) Matthew 12:35

Policies, procedures, seating charts,
locker location, combinations, and rolling carts
welcome, welcome, to the first day of school
They sit, listen,and drown themselves in rules
First day labels from K-mart to Abercrombie
standing in lunch lines,staring like a zombie
hiding under bangs or hunting in packs
shoes scuff and scream on squeaky floor wax
copiers jam, lockers slam, BAM!
miles away from those final exams
file folders, plastic pencil holders
salmon upstream in halls, shoulder to shoulder
first impressions, lecture on the first day
never getting to what I really want to say
I have too many what's, no time for the why's
As I long to meet them behind those lost eyes
Beyond my clicking heels and jingling keys
I wish they could see
They matter to You
and they, too, will teach me.