Happy How-oween

"A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God . . . if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough." 1 Timothy 6:6 (Msg)

for my little girl, dress up has always been an adventure
stepping out on a make believe journey
fingers pinch and knuckles turn white as
possibilities swim from the rustling cloth
her little toes curl as she steps into the role
hips sway as she wriggles into her new identity
arms slip into sleeves as if reaching for an unwrapped gift
the costume ship carries her to far off lands
with magical forests, talking trees, and songs to sing
when the outfit is complete her chin rises a bit
her walk ages to a graceful stride
the living room is a backdrop painted
as she parades to the rhythms in her character's mind
new broadway hits are written and performed on the spot
for a while, she will not even answer to her own name
But at the end of the day
she snuggles back under her animal blanket
pulls "pinky" her pink elephant under her chin
her breaths get deeper and those big eyes retire for the night
And You and I see her and love her for who she really is
a gift from You, a one of a kind character
She too will be an adventure,
as I watch her transform from my pink-cheeked little imp
to a woman who walks with You to the rhythms in her heart
thank You for these days of shoes that are too big and dresses too long
one day she will know that no princess or heroine's costume
could compare to the "rich simplicity" and being herself before You
the true Hero of all of our adventures

Finding Your Center

"All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow thier own plants." John W. Gardner, Educational Philosopher

"Let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't . . .if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face. Love from the center of who you are." Romans 12: 5-10 (Msg)

Nine weeks to resurrect a poet's dream
crisp piles of paper stapled and stacked
became moments of beauty, fantasy, and laughter
rehearsals in a bare wooden box
grew into a forest with dusk and dawn
puzzling language danced off the pages
when they stepped onto the stage
chicken wire and sticky scraps of yesterday's headlines
were sculpted into a waterfall
sewing machines, hot glue, hammers, drills
were easels for their artist eyes and hearts
regal poise crept into their walks week by week
You and I knew they were always royalty
diguised in t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and a little self doubt
As the ultimate Director of all of us
I often wonder how we change Your countenance as they have mine
Do You sigh, laugh, wince, and grin at our antics?
Just before curtain call, Puck says he will "restore amends"
but You and I both know there is only One who can truly restore
thank You for teaching me to love them
from the center of who I am
when a mid-fall play blossomed into
a midsummer night's dream

Heart to Heart Resuscitation

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

hey, you in the back
staring into invisible molecules of thoughts
hiding under bangs of three different colors
or smiling to hide what happened last night
hey, you in the back
thumbs poked through over sized thermal shirt
snow white rectangle lying in front of you
promising failure before the lead crunches the sheet
hey, you in the back
eyelids sinking like blankets on the laundry line
forearm pillow calling out like a siren
since the yelling kitchen stayed up past three
hey, you in the back
there's something more

Chasing ZZZZZ's

Jeremiah 31:25
I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls.


heavy canvas of fatigue
weighs down the body
drowning the senses
pulling
down
down
down
but the head swims for the surface
a forever tilt-a-whirl of details
motion sickness while standing still?
hours pass by
thoughts fly
like a thousand bees
without a hive to call thier own
not enough time to get it all done
just keep it spinning, gninnips, spinning
three weeks since the summer left me
like a sudden death I knew was coming
my eyes long for Your word
my heart for Your voice
my mind for Your peace
and my clock to stop for a moment with You

Lord, I'm tired of being everything for everyone
when all I want to do is be me for You

First Day, First Impressions

"It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season" (or school year after school year) Matthew 12:35

Policies, procedures, seating charts,
locker location, combinations, and rolling carts
welcome, welcome, to the first day of school
They sit, listen,and drown themselves in rules
First day labels from K-mart to Abercrombie
standing in lunch lines,staring like a zombie
hiding under bangs or hunting in packs
shoes scuff and scream on squeaky floor wax
copiers jam, lockers slam, BAM!
miles away from those final exams
file folders, plastic pencil holders
salmon upstream in halls, shoulder to shoulder
first impressions, lecture on the first day
never getting to what I really want to say
I have too many what's, no time for the why's
As I long to meet them behind those lost eyes
Beyond my clicking heels and jingling keys
I wish they could see
They matter to You
and they, too, will teach me.

Tell Me Where

"Tell me where you're working —I love you so much—Tell me where you're tending your flocks, where you let them rest at noontime.Why should I be the one left out, outside the orbit of your tender care? " Song of Solomon 1:7

Maya knew why the caged bird sings
Emily had that fly that buzzed
Bobby Frost took the road less traveled
Uncle Walt called honest Abe his captain
Shakespeare compared her to a summer's day
Solomon said her love was better than wine
Painting this flattering portrait of a beloved
university life poured poems out like springs
calender pages turn and dull the senses
hypnotized and tongue-tied, I think I lost him
time after time, he will go his way, I'll go mine
a language I used to sleep with at night
suddenly foreign spicy food that attacks the tongue
underneath it all, there's still an adventure
in the tick tock monotony of parental duties
double homicide of lovers by mom and dad
yet the mystery still calls,
the sweet safari of his inner monologue
but I've become too impatient
to hide in the bushes and wait
to tired to chase and rise early
to travel to his side of the jungle
Lord, forgive me,
I cannot turn back time
But I can turn
Just tell me where.

Out of The Mouths of Babes . . . well, my babe, anyway.

Jesus said, "Yes, I hear them. And haven't you read in God's Word, 'From the mouths of children and babies I'll furnish a place of praise'?" Matthew 21:16

ok, God, I have this fear that when she's older, I'll forget all of the joy and wisdom You give me in this three-year-old, princess-in-training, blonde-bombshell-in-the-making kid of mine, so here . . .

As I sit with my laptop, writing scripts for church, cerebral deep in an imaginary world, she bolts out of her own Barbie world bedroom, and proudly announces "Mommy, guess what? I just prayed to Jesus that I could get that new Prince Derek doll! Can we go buy it now?

First full sentence at 16 months, trying to toddle down our green, gooey pile-littered sidewalk: "Ew, Deez ducks need diapers!"

Along those same lines, two years later, after spotting a particularly stately pile--"Shew! That duck used a lot of energy on that one!"

One morning, as she climbed into our bed holding Pinky (a pink elephant who has seen better days) and her beloved animal blanket, she said "Oh, I love you so much, Mommy. I love how you're so warm." Laying her head on my chest, she adds "you keep me warm with your heart." ( I know, it's just too much.)

On our way to a family reunion, I began listing all the people we would be meeting and explaining how we were all related, she was very quiet, until finally she interrupted and said "Mommy, um, you're talking too much" (something I would expect at thirteen, but three?)

While traveling in the car with my sister-in-law and two year old niece, Lauren was learning not to tattle as I explained. "Let Lauren take care of Lauren and Nora take care of Nora." Lauren looked down at her belly, around the car, cocked her head to the side and said "But there's only one of me!"

At 18 months, after visiting the zoo that day, I hear a loud and long roar coming from her diaper. She smiled and said "Like a lion!" (She gets that from her daddy's side.)

After brushing my teeth one morning, I leaned down to kiss her and she said "Oooh, I like your breath today, mommy. I wish I could eat it."

On the way home from church when she was two, she asked "Does Jesus live in the stars? Maybe we can get my animal blanket and my pinky (the elephant) and get on an airplane, and I'll take a nap and then when I wake up we'll be at Jesus' house!"

One of my favorites is the spontaneous smile followed by a "Mommy, you're my best friend."

Last year, a dear friend from my (Titus 2 in action) women's small group suffered a stroke. Lauren and I went over to her house to help her clean up and get organized since she was to stay in bed for a few more days. I explained to Lauren that we were going to help Deb feel better since she was sick, but not to worry because Jesus was going to make her all better soon. As I was in the kitchen doing some dishes, Lauren and Deb decided to watch some TV together. As I was cleaning up, Deb suddenly walked in with her cane. I asked her what she was doing since she wasn't supposed to be up and about yet. She said she was proving a point to my daughter. While I was doing the laundry, Lauren had leaned over and given Deb a hug and kiss and whispered "Don't worry, Deb. Jesus is fixing you and making you all better. You can get up and play with me now." She smiled and told me "Forgive me if I'm not following doctor's orders, but you're daughter gave me a higher calling . . ."

and one that I think I'll be pondering until my last breath . . .

As I leaned down to kiss her good night and tell her "sweet dreams", she said "Dont' worry, Mommy. People who love Jesus don't see monsters at night."

A Moment

"Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land." Song of Solomon 2:12

Just a moment
leaning down in purple pastell
green grass tickling her toes
golden hair blowing in Your breeze
an innocent instant
of curious complement
"purple like my dress, mommy"
I smile and Thank You for this
break in the clock-watching conundrum
Mt little girl
A summer breeze
A flower
A beautiful gift
A moment with You
in this season of singing
Just
A Moment

Sheepish Grin

"God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction." Psalm 23:1

"Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, Hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture." Isaiah 40:10

"I am the Good Shepherd. I know my own sheep and my own sheep know me. " John 10 :14

"You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you're named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls." 1 Peter 2:22

As ankle bitters, we sing of
Mary and her little lamb
and black sheep and his wool
Bedtime stories tickle the imagination
with Little Bo peep and the golden fleece
we count sheep who leap
when we can't sleep
to lull us into pleasant dreams
of pastoral peace
But as sticky fingers grow
into white knuckles in driver's ed
the sheep somehow melt into
mindless followers
a sea of cottonball stupidity
when conformity is taboo
like boys in pink
and leaders somehow begin to
sport invisible Hitler mustaches
to the hormone-driven eyes
of the teenage years
and college only adds lectures
of left and right wings
trying to outflap eachother
but then
the lost sheep is found
and learns to trust the shepherd once again
a lamb at heart, you might say
that's when we step in with the flock
like a noble parade of heroes with funny hats
that's when we see the shepherd for the first time
like learning your husband of ten years
loves your eyes that disappear when you laugh too hard
and that's when we get our sheepish grin . . .
Thank You, shepherd
for bringing me back to my sheepish grin
Now, for the rest of the flock . . .

Sugar and Spice

"A girl possesses nothing but a veil and a tomb." -Saudi Arabian Proverb

"We must all work together to bing change to this earth. We must persist until every female child is welcomed as joyously as a male child." Princess Sultana Al-Saud, Princess: a True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia

1 Peter 3:7The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground."

Once again, what I thought was interesting summer reading by the pool has brought me back to the table of worship . . .


The gift of choice
prescious curse
loving risk
in the wrong hands
evil personified
but for me
a blurry black and white blip
and three words of elation
"It's a girl"
American sweetheart of the west
Forbidden curse of the east
Laos, Cambodia, Thailand
sell their girls like trading cards
China hillsides littered with dying baby girls
Midwives in India paid cash
To snap the spines of infants girls
Saudi women imprisoned by thick black veils
in 100 degree heat
Daughters drowned in swimming pools
or locked in rooms for fifteen years
for speaking out of turn
Lord, help them
Whether they call you Allah or God,
Bless these countries
Soften the hearts of the rulers
And thank you for this one nation under God
where I can raise my daughter
as the treasured princess
You created her to be

Make a wish . . .

"This is your life. Are you who you wanna be?" Switchfoot

"What is your life?" James 4:14b


What is it about birthdays
that gets us thinking
about the bigger picture,
the whole forest,
each dot on the timeline,
each puzzle piece,
ingredient,
and stepping stone.
That personal once-a-year holiday
that as an adult
seems paradoxical
no balloons
no cartoon characters
no shiny bows
no proud faces clapping over the candle smoke
often just us
alone with our thoughts
and . . . our age
For the first time this year
I just keep grinning
Like I slept with a hanger in my mouth
No, I haven't arrived
No, I've not achieved every goal
No, I've not reached perfection
But for the first time this year
I can answer the big questions
with confidence
with character
with You.
Am I who I want to be?
Yes, because I'm chasing You.
What is my life?
I squint my eyes
over the candle inferno
breath in
and make a wish
that my life will always be
an arrow
where no matter which way life spins me
I will always point to You.

Leather-bound Cup a Jo

My first job at 16
an eclectic college coffee house
where my gruff overzealous boss
gave me a double espresso
straight up
I vowed I would never taste coffee again
And I never have
to this day
though I am oddly attracted to the scent
as coffee-flavored candles
frequent my home
and coffee-serving bookstores
are frequented by me
as I watch my Starbucks groupy friends
who cannot begin their day
until styrofoam kisses their lips
I smile and think of Your word
strong this morning
but it was just what I needed
like those
freshly-brewed discoveries
in the bottom of the coffee can
where sermons rarely find them
french-roasted parables
that awaken the senses
and rouse the mind
Creamy psalms that blend
with Old testament bitterness
sprinkled with sugary red letters
the consummate concoction
to defy complacency
and jumpstart the soul
with this perfect leather-bound
cup of jo for the soul.
And I wonder how many people
miss out on the joy, peace, revelation
and love of You
because somewhere along the line
they were given a double espresso
of condemnation
that turned them away from this amazing book
meanwhile they love the aroma of You
when they embrace their children
give of themselves
and fight for justice
under the safety of P.C. morality.
I pray that someday they will
take a risk
dive in
with all their senses
and discover
what I have found to be
truly
"the best part of waking up"


"Then those who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost." 1 Corinthians 15:18

"They asked each other, 'Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?'" Luke 24:32

What a Friend We Have

"God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan." Psalm 34:15

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear, what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer." Hymn "What a friend we have in Jesus"

Ok, so I have a tendancy to be a whiner sometimes
You know it. I know it.
But today I just want to thank you, Lord.
Thank you for being my friend
and picking up your ears
at all my moans and groans
even when I'm just wallowing
even when I'm just sitting
in a hand-crafted, cluttered mess
as I call out to You
asking You to help me clean it up
whining about how I got there
even then
you love me
even then
you listen
and provide the comfort I don't deserve.
So, no whining today, Lord.
Just praise
For you are
unfathomable
noble
mighty
all-knowing
all powerful
and yet still
loving
kind
merciful
and my friend.

On Every Side

"The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the LORD handed all their enemies over to them." Joshua 21:44

Tables have turned
Refreshed and renewed
the holy spirit came like a breeze
that caresses the curtains
with perfect peace
but
Now that same entity
You pulled from my soul
has moved on to my husband
my beloved
my hero
my friend.
Whispering lies of failure,
Consuming, suffocating,
and wearing down his strength,
creating a muddled prison
of deadlines, sleepless nights,
and an endless marathon of measuring up
an elastic jail cell
that grows smaller everyday
Lord, help him.
Come in and attack with your perfect peace
And help me find ways
to usher in that peace
On every side.

"You Complete Me"

"He was afraid and said. "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven." Genesis 28:17

"When I died, I didn't flow through a long, dark tunnel . . . In my next moment of awareness, I was standing in heaven. . . the joyousness of the place wiped away all questions. Everything felt blissful. Perfect . . . Time had no meaning . . . As I try to explain this, my words seem weak and hardly adequate, because I have to use earthly terms to refer to unimaginable joy, excitement, warmth, and total happiness. . . Everything I experienced was like a first-class buffet for the senses. I had never felt such powerful embraces or feasted my eyes on such beauty. . . Never, even in my happiest moments, had I ever felt so fully alive. . . It was as if God had removed anything negative or worrisome from my conscousness. . . Then I heard music." Don Piper with Cecil Murphy, 90 Minutes in Heaven

"I Can Only Imagine . . . " Mercy Me

Wow, what a story
Our modern day Elijah
who caught a glimpse
of a million answers
the beauty we chase
and clumsily attempt to create
and 90 minutes of perfection,
completion,
freedom from the slavemaster of time
and the real,
honest to You,
definition of peace
a "first-class buffet
for the senses"
he says
I've always worried
that I'd feel
stupid
for the wasted energy
on the eternally insignificant
sad
for those I love
who grieve my absence
afraid
I'd never measure up,
never fit in,
or be uncoverd
as an imposter
To even stand at the gate,
so undeserving,
so fallible,
so . . . me
But he says
You removed
"anything worrisome"
from his consciousness
I can only Imagine . . .


"Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now." 1 Corinthians 13:12

One Nation, Under ______

"Believe it or not, our founding fathers actually consulted the Bible when building the framework of this country and in the writing of the Declaration of Independence, and now we can't even hang up a picture of Jesus in a classroom." Mark Beeson (paraphrased)

"We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cord of our Consititution as a whale goes through a net. Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." John Adams, Octover 11, 1798

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:9-10


9-11 got us out of our recliners
as we headed to dusty closets
to pull our wrinkled flags
from under old suitcases and souvenirs
to wave them once again
Yet still it became about us
lives lost became slogans on bumper stickers
so we felt better about doing nothing
and feeling a little something
My Country Tis of Thee
suffragettes left their children at home
and risked their lives
so their daughters could vote
yet we can't seem to find time
to make it to the polls
between soccer games and laundry piles
Sweet Land of Liberty
Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King
fused a country back together
with words of wisdom and a Godly dream
but our school cafeteria, our neighborhoods,
are still checkered with the past
Of Thee I Sing
the fourth has become about goofy headbands
the best patriotic T-shirts
with lines we don't believe in
oohs and ahhs at fireworks
and beer talk around the grill
Land where my Fathers died
my parents had pastors speak in their schools
but my students are allowed to skip "under God"
when pledging to the flag
And I could get fired
for teaching them the most important lesson of all
Land of the Pilgrim's Pride
As a mother, I'm a little scared, Lord
If we're not under You,
who are we under?
Let Freedom Ring

Iceberg, Straight ahead!

"People who are struggling to make it in this world without Jesus are just trying to rearrange the chairs on the Titanic. They may think their job is important, but that ship is still goin' down!" (Paraphrased) Rev. Glenn Bone, Good Seed Ministries

"Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!" Galatians 3-4 (Msg)

My Martha Mary Spectrum
is on high alert tonight
for independence seems noble
when the cause is just
like when Martha knew
You and your boys were hungry
but Mary just sat at Your feet to worship
After all, Martha couldn't call in for delivery
And I bet those chairs
looked so pretty in that straight line
like when all the bills are paid
to do lists checked off
and everything in its place
like the same gigantic puzzle
of American mom perfection
I place together again and again each day.
Then a midweek service comes
and a spiritual alarms sounds.
Thank you for those sermons that
wake me up from autopilot
with a loud foghorn
and an "Iceberg! Straight Ahead!"
And help me see Icebergs for others
and sound the call with love.
Only You have lifeboats for every single one of us . . .

Off the Boards

"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding."
Matthew 6:1 (Msg)

"on the boards" was what we call it
when you cross the swaying velvet plane
from the dusty concrete wings
into a world, a story,
and a person outside yourself
for some, it was for the applause
the blank stares of admiration
or free drinks after the show
for me, it was an adventure,
a relationship, and a risk I always took
like diving into a book head first
where one night can be a belly flop
and the next a perfect 10
but each time it was real, tangible, and thrilling
the rush of an honest moment,
the freedom of living in someone else's skin
even if it was only for two acts
when each rehearsal was like a date
where you got to know this mysterious person
this ink and paper character a little better
the good, the bad, and the ugly
but you knew they'd be a friend
for you are a savior who took those words on paper
and breathed their soul to life
Much like You did for me, Lord
And now, as I begin to find my place
in bringing the power of theatre back to the church,
Help me remember to leave the theatre for the stage,
live truthfully for You, and find ways to bless others
behind the scenes.

Fading Echo

"Many Times my attempts at leaving a crater of God result only in leaving a fading echo of my own voice." Mark Steele, Flashbang

"Your lives are echoing the Master's word . . . The news of your faith in God is out. We don't even say anything anymore--you're the message." I Thesselonians 1:8 (Msg)

June 21st, only Twelve days out of school
"Class" is a swear word when you hang out at the pool
Staying up and sleeping in, routine has been replaced
Work, driver's ed, social "drama" in cyber circles of myspace,
the next killer party, and searching for the perfect mate
Abercrombie ensembles framing perfect summer dates
For some, it's just surviving in a carnival of no control
Or waiting for Dad's firm knock on the door after his paroll
Sometimes I wonder, did I make dent at all?
Will a part of me be part of them for the true long haul?
When faced with a tough decision, will my face come to mind?
Reminding them to do the right thing and always to be kind?
Are they really changed for the better in any concrete way?
Did I leave a mark on their lives in the minutia of everyday?
Did they know my smiles and furrowed brows were messages of truth?
That I just wanted to love them and teach them not waste their youth?
Do they love their families better? Do they reach out to their friends more?
Did they stop asking why's to dream of what they're hoping for?
Do they stand a little taller in the world of fight or flight?
In a world of darkness, did I shed a little light?
Most of all, when all is said on done, did they see a little of You?
Did I make them question what they thought they knew was true?
Lord, I pray that they'll forget me in the next decade
But that Your lasting, loving voice will be an echo that never fades.

The Beholder

"Beauty is not only a terrible thing, but also a mysterious thing. There God and the devil strive for mastery, and the battle is for the human heart."
Fyodor Dostoevsky

"God's works are so great, worth a lifetime of study—endless enjoyment! Splendor and beauty mark his craft." Psalm 11:1

Our dangling carrots are all the same

whether beauty is seen in the chrome of a motorcycle

or the cracked wood of a hand-crafted antique

in the artist's brush or the guitar strum

in a magazine cover girl or an infant's outstretched hand

in a poet's voice or the click of a camera

in a field of flowers or the shiny city scape

we all race to capture beauty

to hold it

to be it

for someone

And all the while

we don't know

we're really chasing You.