Marathon

Everyone is running their own silent marathon
test results, job losses, divorce papers,
their past pounding like a headache,
yelling mirrors screaming comparison lies,
slamming doors behind picket fence dreams,
promises broken like skin around knives in their backs,
fears of unseen monsters lurking in a ticking clock,
us vs. them rage that scratches that itch to belong,
that dark cloud that weighs them down in bed each morning,
Their starting line one eyelid raised,
a move of the covers
or just a foot on the floor,
the finish line that same position
that same night, that same day,
a circle track that leaves them dizzy
I used to run away too.
I used to trudge through the day
one
step
at
a
time
I used to run away from home
until I found I was chasing You in the horizon,
stretched wide like the prodigal Father's arms
always waiting, watching, ready with a party,
my running steps, a lullaby rhythm
rocking my beehive brain to sleep
just enough to hear You whisper... I'm here.
Knees and hips stab bee stings from the hive
Nothing compared to nails through your hands and a spear in Your side
All so we could here you say...I'm here.
Then a community vision of marathon proportions
a finish line in 2016
a transformed community that knows You are here.
So...You whispered a calling
this not-soProverbs 31 woman will run 31 miles
for them, for a broken tired humanity,
that hits the Michiana pavement every morning
looking down in a concrete city that blocks their view
I will run by them, for them,
hoping they might look up long enough
to see You waiting on the Horizon
and start their run alongside me
straight into Your arms.


“The reason we race isn't so much to beat each other,... but to be with each other.”
― Christopher McDougall, Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

“I run because long after my footprints fade away, maybe I will have inspired a few to reject the easy path, hit the trails, put one foot in front of the other, and come to the same conclusion I did: I run because it always takes me where I want to go.”
― Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner

“Running! If there's any activity happier, more exhilarating, more nourishing to the imagination, I can't think of what it might be. In running the mind flees with the body, the mysterious efflorescence of language seems to pulse in the brain, in rhythm with our feet and the swinging of our arms.” 
― Joyce Carol Oates

"I listed all the reasons I was afraid that I could not finish the race. Then I said, "But Lord, if Your spirit runs through me, I will finish this race. With every breath in my lungs and all the strength in my muscles, I will keep going, only I can't do it without you. There's only one way to find out if I can finish this race, and thats to put my body out there and my unwavering faith in You. Lord, show me that You are with me." Scott Rigsby Unthinkable

"Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:25-27 

Untamed

I imagine heaven untamed

barefoot running over pine needle rocky trails

nature strobes through leaf canopy ceilings

fiddling daisies cover miles

beautiful weeds teaching us to treasure the rejects

I climb a mountain walking on my hands

toes tickling the sky, tap-dancing Your celestial floors

freshly hatched doves perch on my heels

waiting to unzip all fear and fly free

molting their symbol of peace to become it

where river swans can be counted

while their beauty is unbound by numbers

music playlist of Lauren's silly lollipop lip play songs

when she was three and dolls preferred operettas

beautiful nonsense where we name our toes 

Philangia, Phil, Philbert, Philly cream cheese, and Hank

Where deepest calm floats like moss on the surface,

Your current rushing underneath dancing glass,

I chase it, as we skip on the water like rocks together

No sinking Peter fisherman stories, no storms,

no leprechauns, rabbits foot, good luck charms needed

only gold-tipped page promises fulfilled and smiling right at me

surprises at every turn of the eye, lift of the head, 

cup of the ear, touch of the tip,  bud of the taste,

swinging rope willow tree pendulum

now unhalted by big brother threats

safety net chasm of faith transformed, 

we leap and laugh in the bouncy house of truth,

tight rope wind embraced as we fall into delight, unhindered,

falling is flying

we dip and glide over all the hungry, desperate places, 

sprinkling food and joy like pixie dust

full-bellied sheltered smiles returned

but then I wake up 

without wings

disheartened, I choose

to trust the dream

untamed

"First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don’t see. Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God’s Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss..." Genesis 1:1-2 (msg)

“Earth's crammed with heaven...
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes.”
― Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh

Vision

imagine white fluttering above this world
falling below in droplets as we trudge together
avalanche grace we ignore as we lumber, eyes in the mud
a walking hibernation
dreaming of some story of light and kindness looming
baffled, I scribble to point up
praying they trip over my sordid hallelujah chicken scratch
eyes opening
like hope hatching
and see the sun
...even if it makes them squint
warm them

To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. -The Apostle Paul   1 Corinthians 9:22 

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything ... C. S. Lewis

Your Road

Our Road Trailer from Granger Community Church on Vimeo.

Our ancestors charted the course

road upon road of precise measure

bridges, tunnels, super highways and cul-de-sacs

But these roads are so much more than gravel, concrete, dirt and asphalt,

Our road becomes the unacknowledged witness

to the gritty moments in our wanderings on this earth.

These roads know the first hopeful steps of a toddler,

They caught the trickling blood from our knees

On the day dad let go of the bicycle seat,

They observe our first games of tag and catch,

The forbidden boundaries framing the safety in our fresh-cut yards,

Seeing us lean in for our first kiss, venture out that first night in the dorm,

The crossroads of adulthood, where choice and freewill,

Blur the map and the destination seems to disappear.

Roads that watched our good night kisses

are the same that hold us up as we run away from home.

The crossroad moments, where choice and freewill,

Blur the map and the destination seems to disappear.

Our road endures much as we sculpt it with our bustle to and fro

Potholes form, rocks fall, cars slam through guardrails,

Delays, detours, death in the family.

Highways with no exit ramps in site

Sudden twists and turns without slowing down,

Or worse yet, someone else behind the wheel,

Our life in their hands

And we wonder as we wander

How did we get here?

Some roads can be ugly, ominous, with sharp curves ahead.

still, they speak of progress and searching,  

as we pursue meaning, find connections,

crave adventure, or long for home.

As we run this course before us, we hope for a safe spot to rest.

Yet we long for momentum,

Crave both freedom and direction, purpose and peace.

We pave our own way toward or away from something or someone.

The map leading the way

Suddenly appears more like a spider’s web

Wounded and confused, we ask

Where do we turn? 

Then You whisper "Follow me" and...

A new horizon stretches before us

beautiful, promising, full of possibility.

Risk with a rush, void of fear, for You lead the way

We embrace and embody our mission

taking steps toward You together.

We will take Your message of hope to the unreached, 

the hurting and the marginalized.

We will follow You.  

For this is 

Your road.

“A line can be straight, or a street,

but the human heart, oh, no,

it's curved like a road through mountains.”

Tennessee Williams

 “You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly.” Ephesians 4:4-6

“And how blessed all those in whom you live, whose lives become roads you travel; They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks, discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain! God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!” Psalm 84:5-7

“Prepare God’s arrival! Make the road smooth and straight! 

Every ditch will be filled in, Every bump smoothed out, 

The detours straightened out, All the ruts paved over. 

Everyone will be there to see The parade of God’s salvation.”  

Luke 3:5-6

Delicious Ambiguity

balanced on one foot, I am teetering, breath held for the signal
like Isrealites who watched the clouds and fire
teaching their children to trust the sky Painter
Israelite teenagers rolling their eyes
aw, mom, we're moving again?
but then they see the billowing cloud,
like hands reaching, not to demand, but to invite
the fire just ahead as they kick stones
walking by their mothers' side
in the cool of the day
there must have been a rush
the first historical thrill ride
fearing the lack of control
nausious on the sharp turns
swallowing on those slow-click moments
festivals with a priest who enters with a rope tied around his ankles
leaning back with the incline
with just enough time to catch a breath
You settle in a tent, ancient camping trip
with camp stories of Exodus told around the fire
And Your just hoping to be near your kids
as they warm up under the stars.
Would I grab the cross bar of that ride, white knuckled,
eyelids closed like a fist, holding my breath and bladder
fear fetal position, head in hands, missing the view
or do I scream, laugh, and raise my arms
at even the scary parts in the story
knowing Daddy's arms are waiting
Lord, pry my hands from the bar
when all I've known and comfort zones
are left in the dust as I follow You
in the cloud and the fire
with cane-tapping trust in Your eyes to see
To find joy in these click, click teetering moments
trusting the designer of this ride
and both the warmth and danger of the fiery storyteller
Who just wants to draw us close.

"On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire. That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped." Numbers 9:15-17

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,

along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them

and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do;

I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

Kids Again

Kids Again
30 years ago...
Joking dad in his speckled turtle neck and oddly patterned sweater
lying underneath the tree to see the star lights hidden in the evergreen
Toasty coffee breath stories snuggled close under a canopy of pine
Mom's earrings jingle belling around the kitchen, pausing for hugs and kisses
humming songs from the Christmas Eve service
and the promise of Lazzy Bear waiting in the wrapping and ribbon
16 years ago...
the world was filled with romance
When a boy dressed like a man with cheeks of red
Got down on one knee with a question, a promise, and a ring
blue carpet living room on Harvey street filled with family
and a question
Hidden inside an ornament shaped like a little country church.
and the promise of "happily ever after" waiting in a ring of gold
10 years ago on Christmas Eve
The world was filled with joy
When a two week old infant was the best present under the tree
When gifts didn't matter and the only unwrapping involved diapers,
Soft pink satin ribboned blankets or boxes of baby wipes.
and the promise of purpose in 2 blue eyes that needed me
5 years ago...
My little girl sat in my lap in her princess nightgown and kitty slippers
While her daddy, that boy turned man when we grew up together,
assembled a Cinderella castle when he is still her only prince
and the promise of the baby Jesus story is read to her wide eyes.
over 2000 years ago
A weary girl on a donkey found her way to a stable
You became man in a manger filled with hay under a guiding star.
You came into our homes to be with us under Christmas trees
To be the reason the ring of Gold won't bend or break
To become a baby so we could love ours better with You
To carry out the best happily ever after story ever told
and the promise of the cross and a stone rolled away.
You wrapped in our hearts waiting under the tree.

Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; 
Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, 
and shall call his name Immanuel.
(Isaiah 7:14)

"It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas when its mighty Founder was a child Himself." - Charles Dickens