Easter Saturday

"I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God." Don Miller, Blue Like Jazz

In the midst of buying the perfect Easter dress for my little girl
And dying and hiding eggs around the yard,
You reminded me what this is really all about.
Thank You Lord, for a church that won't let me be religious!
A church that tackles a bestseller to reveal
the truth of the greatest story ever told.
A church where almost 3,000 people
will gather together on a Saturday night
to hear that same story that we've all heard before
in a way we've never seen before.

"The magical proposition of the gospel, once free from the clasps of fairy tale, was very adult to me, very gritty like something from Hemmingway or Steinbeck, like something with copious amounts of sex and blood. Christian Spirituality was not a children's story. It wasn't cute or neat. It was mystical and odd and clean, and it was reaching into dirty. " Don Miller, Blue Like Jazz

"He continued with them, "Don't be upset, and don't let all these doubting questions take over. Look at my hands; look at my feet--it's really me. Touch me. Look me over from head to toe. A ghost doesn't have muscle and bone like this." As he said this, he showed them his hands and feet. They still couldn't believe what they were seeing. It was too much; it seemed too good to be true." Luke 24:38-41

Thank You, Lord,
for keeping me from religion,
sharp-stepping ritual,
and the false comfort of righteous attitudes.
Thank You for truth and humilty,
blanket-wrapping love,
and the greatest story ever told.

Prophet Hotline

"All the prophets from Samuel on down said the same thing, said most emphatically that these days would come." Acts 3:24

Somehow the jelly beans and marhsmallow chicks,
Baskets of goodies, egg dying,
sear-sucker dresses on little girls
And stores covered in pastels
cannot overshadow the truths of Holy week.
Revisting the stories of miracles,
footwashing, a last supper, a cross,
and a stone rolled away.

But the coolest thing is reading the Old Testament
and seeing the first use of foreshadowing in literature
as You prepared the way for the ultimate sacrifice.

"This is the brand-new covenant that I will make with Israel when the time comes. I will put my law within them - write it on their hearts! - and be their God. And they will be my people. They will no longer go around setting up schools to teach each other about God. They'll know me firsthand, the dull and the bright, the smart and the slow. I'll wipe the slate clean for each of them. I'll forget they ever sinned!" Jeremiah 31:33-34

What a price You paid for the "brand new covenant"
so we could know the Father "first hand"
and for forgetting we,
the dull and the bright,
the smart and the slow,
ever sinned.
With physical agony, torture,
we could never even imagine,
down to the last breath,
when You "wiped the slate clean."

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen. I love him, and I am pleased with him. I will put my spirit upon him, and he will tell of my justice to all people. He will not argue or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. He will not break a crushed blade of grass or put out even a weak flame until he makes justice win the victory. In him will the non-Jewish people find hope." Isaiah 42:1-4

A stable, a donkey, a carpenter's son
Not a prince, a rich ruler, or a king,
You were always asking people You healed
not to tell people what has happened.
This is how you fulfilled the prophecy
of not breaking "a crushed blade of grass."
Your humility was prophesied years before you came.


"I will speak using stories;
I will tell things that have been secret since the the world was made." Psalm 78:2

The morals to the story, the parables of truth,
the riddles with answers that poured out your love.
The way You left us guessing
so we could find out who You are
even years before
and years after you lived--
Only to find who we truly are.

Dragonfly (Flit, Flit)

"How long will you flit here and there, indecisive? How long before you make up your fickle mind? God will create a new thing in this land: A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!" Jeremiah 31:22

Lord, sometimes I feel like
a dragonfly, flitting here and there
where the wind would take me
Somehere between a pony-tailed twelve year old girl
and a purse-bearing, check-writing wife and mother.
Somewhere between cold steel confidence
and a bubbling liquid of misgivings.
Somewhere between a pencil in your hair teacher
and a pencil on the paper poet.
Somewhere between a fast-stepping working woman
and a swing-pushing, block-stacking, stay-at-home mom.
Somewhere between the faithful "will be's" and the "trust me's"
and the fearfull "What if's" and the "who knows".
Lord, I fly to you to become a transformed woman
of a transforming God.
Goodbye to fickle fortune and the sounds of flit, flit.

Daddy's Little Girl

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name." Ephesians 3:14-15

I was once did a Bible study by Beth Moore where she explained how your relationship to your father can affect your image of God and therefore the depth of your faith. I saw many of the women in my group struggle through this chapter as silhouttes of distant, critical, and rejecting fathers returned to their minds to tug at their hearts. All I could offer was sympathy, but empathy was beyond my scope of experience. Like my own little girl, I was blessed with a daddy who was never critical or rejecting but only sought to treasure me for exactly the little girl God made me to be. I hadn't realized the advantage of this until that night in Texas four years ago. Now, as I watch Lauren with Cody and on those rare visits with my dad, I thank You again Lord, for the blessings of men in my life who have shown me the true love of a father and helped me to get to know You a little better. Thank You for my Dad and Cody who help "Thy kingdom come" as they bring the phrase "Abba father" to life here on earth.

I am from . . .

I am from pigtails that danced in dusty kick ball games
From rope-swinging summers with
brother Tarzan and sister Jane
From late nights in an underground playland
where the wooden pews loomed above like circus tents,
just waiting for daddy to unfold his arms and mommy to play that last note.
From “Great is Thy Faithfulness”

I am from pink lemonade in the summer,
leaf piles in the fall, snow skiing at daddy’s knees
and spring cleaning with mommy like a big girl.
From “Oh, forever more!” and a legacy of hymn singing women.
From men of character and consequence who loved from a distance
Until daddy came along and scooped us up into his heart.
From a Labrador pillow in a basement of Barbies and army men.

I am from middle school confusions with big hair, pegged pants,
coca cola shirts, mean boys, and girls who moved too fast.
From high school cafeterias with square pizzas, juices boxes, and stages full of dreams.
From coffee houses at 2am with homework we never did, kisses under apple blossom trees by the dorms, falling into his eyes like slipping off the diving board, and
Football field conversations under the stars and “You’re my favorite.”

I am from Christmas Eve proposals and growing up too fast
From an armful of daisies and ring full of promise.
From piles of bills, laundry and dishes that came like a car crash every day.
From lesson plans, pencils in my hair,
and dreams of changing the world every ninety five minutes.
From eighteen hours of labor, his hand in mine,
And an eight pound 13 ounce invitation to know who I really am.

I am from early morning prayers
and gold-tipped thin slices of leather bound wonder
I am from the life-giving breeze of threes
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
hope, peace, and joy
From His love, to me
to you.



"I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." Psalm 146:2

Women's World

"Do your best to live at peace with everyone (even women)." Romans 12:18 (added words mine)

Ok, I admit it. I am an idiot when it comes to the expectations of "Women's World" and am often reminded by my peers as to the depth of my ignorance.
Here are some rules I recently discovered:
1.) You can't ask someone what they want for a baby shower gift.
(Though I personally would not be offended if someone asked what I needed most for the baby. Isn't the point to bless them with what they need?)
2.) If you give a gift and do not get a thank you note, that is merrit for relinquishing the relationship.
(I thought the point of giving was to GIVE and not expect anything in return? What if they were busy? What if they need your time and patience instead of gifts full of expectations and rules?)
3.) Refusing to participate in a recipe exchange is rude, improper, and irresponsible. (What if I can't cook and don't have any special recipes? I know they evaluate the quality of the recipes anyway--for me, it's just a "recipe for failure.")
4.) Men are to be talked about daily as children who are beneath our scope of wisdom. (What if my husband is a lot smarter than me, an amazing man, and a much better person than I am?)
5.) Women who talk about their children too much have no life and warrant rolling eyes, smirks filled with inside jokes, and whispers in corners where the lookout can nudge if the subject gets too close. (My daughter is the coolest, cutest, most amazing kid in the world--who wouldn't want to talk about her? Who wouldn't give up and forget about the existence of regular trips to the gym, tanning bed visits, and friday nights on the town to watch her twirl around in her pretty dresses, tell me she loves me, and paint messy masterpieces?)

Lord, I pray for Your blessings on these women. They truly are wonderful women caught up in a world without knowledge of You and Your unconditional love. They are doing the best they can with their own set of life experiences. Perhaps they have a legacy of estrogen-pumping legalism passed down by their mothers. Thank you for my mother who refused to education me on the laws of "Women's World" and instead brought me to You--your freedom, your love. And Thank You for a husband who loves me as a woman even if I don't fit in to "Woman's world."

Baby Church

"Do you hear what these children are saying?" Jesus said, "Yes, I hear them. And haven't you read in God's Word, 'From the mouths of children and babies I'll furnish a place of praise'?" Matthew 21:16

We passed by a little country church this morning.
Sitting among cramped houses like two many children in a back seat.
My three year olds voice floated from her lonely car seat.
"Aw, Mommy, look a little church! Do babies go there?"
I laughed, picturing our large expansive building we attend twice a week.
"No, sweetie, that's just a church where a smaller group of people go.
But they love Jesus and learn about the bible just like us."
As I listened to her sing "Ah God is a awethumb God, He wanes fwom heaven babuv"
I smile at her wisdom. There are many times I feel like a baby in church.
Coming to be fed, cared for, drinking in the surroundings for clues to the world.
Thank you, Lord. For little country churches, big expansive buildings and any place where we can come to find You.

Stick to It

"Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work. Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life. Just as you'll never understand the mystery of life forming in a pregnant woman, So you'll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does. Go to work in the morning and stick to it until evening without watching the clock. You never know from moment to moment how your work will turn out in the end. Before the years take their toll. Oh, how sweet the light of day, And how wonderful to live in the sunshine! Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted."
Eccelsiastes 11:4-8a

Spring break is right around the corner
and the countdown begins
Lord, help me to stick to it
live right now right now
and glorify You in every precious moment.
I can still change lives and bring them closer to You-
even in the two weeks before spring break.

Table Talk

"Friends, don't complain about each other. A far greater complaint could be lodged against you, you know. The Judge is standing just around the corner." James 5:9

"No more cosmetic Christianity – we’re not strapping the righteousness meters to our external behaviors anymore. We’re strapping those righteousness meters to our hearts. Jesus can make us righteous to the core - grace invaded core. " Rob Wegner

I got sucked in today Lord.
Sucked into the table talk.
I laughed at the jokes, agreed with the whining, and chimed in with the speculations.
Like Pavlov and his bell, the approval addict overruled the savior.
Lord, refresh my heart with You and your Holy Spirit.
Let me be offended again and quiet at the right moments.
not to be concerned with the details and the actions,
but with the heart.
It's Yours, lord, and I'm sorry I misused it today.
Forgive Me.
Make me righteous to the core--
a grace-invaded core.

Woof, woof, Oink, oink

"Don't give holy things to dogs, and don't throw your pearls before pigs. Pigs will only trample on them and dogs will turn and attack you." Matthew 7:6

I love how You just said these big things and left us guessing.
There's so much here--so timeless, vast, so universal.
Images and questions burst and dance
like popcorn when the heat is just right.
Jenny who gave her virginity away to early
Because her daddy left too soon.
Marshall who gave his future away to his "boys"
because they just needed some quick cash.
Heather who kept the baby as her new toy
as a couple's hopes crashed
like a freight train through an empty nursury.
Chris who gave up on school
because his teachers gave up on him.
Or were you just telling us to use our time wisely?
To invest our efforts in things that last?
or our money in things that pay off?
Was it a comment about frugality?
generosity? common sense?
Some might say
life is like a math problem, or even a puzzle.
There is only one right answer,
but there are many ways to get there.
I agree that You are the only answer
and there are many ways to get to You,
But, to be honest, I was bored in Math, Lord.
I got straight A's, but it just seemed too easy.
I'd prefer life as a poem, a vague ambiguity,
an endless chasm of wisdom unchartered.
But that's why I love You so much--You're both.
A simple answer and a never-ending chase
Where art and science combine
male and female complement
and especially
when God became man.
Thank you Lord,
for the gift of mystery
and the comfort of absolutes.

Just Call Triple A

"Be careful! When you do good things, don't do them in front of people to be seen by them. If you do that, you will have no reward from your father in heaven . . . When you pray, don't be like the hypocrites. They love to stand in the synagogues and on the street corners and pray so people will hear them . . . your giving should be done in secret. Your father can see what is done in secret, and he will reward you." Matthew 6: 1a, 5a, and 4

"Those who suffer from the 'Disease to Please' . . . feel the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others like an addictive pull." Dr. Harriet B. Braiker

My name is Kristin Baker, and I am an approval addict . . .

As a child, I thrived on attention,

living my life for the next fix

which was somewhere between

"Aww . . . she's adorable!"

And

"She's only how old?"

As a teenager, I played the comparison game

when B's were failures

perfection was just another pound away

and theatre was relief

because I got to be anyone but myself

even just for a moment.

For there was always a curtain call . . .

But if Shakespeare was right and

"all the world's a stage",

then who will applaud?

The pattern monster is alive and kicking,

But You are stronger, Lord.

Help me to live for an audience of One,

For the applause comes only after the entire play is finished.

but with You, the end is only the beginning . . .

"Welcome to Approval Addicts Anonymous"

I've been sober for, uh, two minutes . . .

is that good?

Salt Shaker

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage." Matthew 5:13 (Msg)

"Think about what salt does: IT MAKES PEOPLE THIRSTY; IT SPICES THINGS UP; IT'S A PRESERVATIVE; IT ENHANCES FLAVOR." Rob Wegner

At home, at work, everywhere I go,
may I be a salt shaker.
Making people thirst for You,
Like eating oreos with no milk
Spicing things up so people wake up from a life without purpose,
like an alarm with no snooze button.
Preserving the truth of Your word in the midst of moral decay
Like beef jerky on Survivor, but I brought enough to share. : )
Enhancing the flavor of You in this world,
like when I bring out the best in my husband, my students, my little girl.
Lord, at home, at work, everywhere I go,
may I be a salt shaker for You.
(Chicka- Chicka)

Wildfire

"In a powerful way the word of the Lord kept spreading and growing." Acts 19:20

A quick word today: I love my church!

Over 7, 000 people attended last weekend after the billboards and website that created a buzz on the coming of a new series on sex-- a topic often taboo in church even though it is directly addressed frequently in the Bible. Sex is a major issue--stats of pregnancy rates, std's, the widespread wealth of the pornography industry . . . the list goes on and on. I am so thankful for a church that, like Christ, tackles the big issues.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing us to a church with a heart for the lost, that embraces the Arts as a medium for Jesus and his message. Today, I pray that you will bless all the staff at GCC. This was a big win for You and the church; the enemy's not going to be happy.

Much like the first church and the original disciples, the story of Jesus is once again speading like wildfire. I love it when history repeats itself!

Brick Wall

"I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate--I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it-- and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else." 1 Corinthians 2:3-5 (Paul on leading the church)

"Simply because we were licked a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win." Atticus Finch in Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird

"All in all you're just another brick in the wall." Pink Floyd

Public education is a fickle thing
An undeniably flawed system
with good intentions--sounds familiar.
Where "No child left behind" is a paradox
and "high school" has a double meaning.
Where the students feel like
just another brick in the wall--
The same wall the teachers beat their heads against.
When "one of those days" means the system won
You got caught in the machine again.
But there are these magical moments--
where lightbulbs flicker, mouths turn up,
and they chew on a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
One hundred and twenty-nine souls
enter and leave my classroom each week.
One hundred and twenty-nine.
How can I possible help them all?
How could I possibly reach all of them?
How could I possibly show them that
each and every one of them matters to You
that You have a purpose for their lives,
a reason You created them.
Answer: I can't.
You can.
No "fancy mental or emotional footwork" will do it--
Only You.
In the meantime, with your help, I'll keep trying.
I may be up against a wall,
but I can see it, and it's not brick.
It's stone-each one it's own shape, color, and mass.
Thank You, Lord, for creating these amazing kids
All One Hundred and Twenty-nine.

The Bacon

"God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need." Phillipians 4:19

"Being a provider appears to be at the core of a man's identitity as a male and as a person of worth . . . For a man, bringing home a paycheck is love talk, pure and simple. He has something to prove ("I can take care of you, I am worthy of you) and he wants to deliver." Shanti Feldhahn, For Women Only

The lightbulb has been flickering for some time
But it finally lit up today.
The pressure, the focus, the dedication to his work--
it's not a replacement for me
it's not a competitor for my time
it's not some mistress who steals his attention
it's a gift, an offering, a duty to his family.
An everpresent task that
calls like a siren in traffic
flails like someone waiting to be rescued
and taps its fingers impatiently
just waiting for him to measure up.
Something You dropped in the concoction
At the creation of the male species.
When a bad mood is not just a bad mood,
ESPN is therapy, everything is a problem to solve,
eating what you kill makes it taste better,
a paycheck is a love note,
and isolation brings peace.
Thank You, Lord for my manly man
who was created in the image of You
--our ultimate provider.
Guide him and comfort him
As he seeks Your will in how he can
Bring home the Bacon.

Cloud Rider

Psalm 68:4
"Sing hymns to God; all heaven, sing out; clear the way
for the coming of Cloud-Rider.
Enjoy GOD, cheer when you see him!" (Msg)

I wonder what riding on the clouds is like?

Perhaps a bit like sledding

A gliding, sliding, rush of falling fun.

A wind-chilling, heart-thrilling dash

that holds your breath

pulls at your tummy

and lifts your mouth to a gaspy grin.

Thanks, Cloud-rider, for the gift of winter games that remind me of You.

Mike's Quest

Lord, Be with Mike today.
He is just like Solomon.
Right now, all he can see is smoke.
He thinks death will bring silence
--an end to the smoke, peace and quiet.
Help him, like Solomon, to get
to the place where he understands
that it's not all just smoke.
There is purpose.
There is joy.
There is You.


Ecclesiastes 1
The Quester

1These are the words of the Quester, David's son and king in Jerusalem:

2Smoke, nothing but smoke. [That's what the Quester says.]
There's nothing to anything--it's all smoke.
3What's there to show for a lifetime of work,
a lifetime of working your fingers to the bone?
4One generation goes its way, the next one arrives,
but nothing changes--it's business as usual for old
planet earth.
5The sun comes up and the sun goes down,
then does it again, and again--the same old round.
6The wind blows south, the wind blows north.
Around and around and around it blows,
blowing this way, then that--the whirling, erratic wind.
7All the rivers flow into the sea,
but the sea never fills up.
The rivers keep flowing to the same old place,
and then start all over and do it again.
8Everything's boring, utterly boring--
no one can find any meaning in it.
Boring to the eye,
boring to the ear.
9What was will be again,
what happened will happen again.
There's nothing new on this earth.
Year after year it's the same old thing.
10Does someone call out, "Hey, this is new"?
Don't get excited--it's the same old story.
11Nobody remembers what happened yesterday.
And the things that will happen tomorrow?
Nobody'll remember them either.
Don't count on being remembered.

I've Seen It All 12Call me "the Quester." I've been king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13I looked most carefully into everything, searched out all that is done on this earth. And let me tell you, there's not much to write home about. God hasn't made it easy for us. 14I've seen it all and it's nothing but smoke--smoke, and spitting into the wind.

You think you've seen it all, Mike.
I admit it's mostly true.
You are truly a modern day "quester."
Your experiences are amazing,
your accomplishments unparalleled.
Bicycles, BMW's, bureaucratics,
And the pursuit of perfection;
but I know how Vietnam haunts you;
I know how much your children love you.
Your friend was right:
Hope is the difference between the living and the dead,
but it's not the only one.
You don't have to feel like a walking dead person anymore.
Just ask your son.
He'll tell you that, besides you, there's another great father he knows
who has
the answers to your questions
the beginning of purpose
the end to your loneliness
a freedom from nightmares
and a joy unimaginable.
Keep searching. Keep questing.
And I'll keep praying and leaving my classroom door open.

Schedule Change

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30

Course: Abundant Life 101
Instructor:Jesus
Textbook: The Bible
Focus: Red Lettered Text
Classroom: GCC
Study Groups: Small group twice a month
Other Notes:
Private tutors (honor students) are available on Thursday nights and weekends; childcare is provided.
Cliff notes are available in most local bookstores, though the instructor prefers study of the textbook itself.
Copying off of spouses, family members, or peers is not considered cheating.

To the Wolves

Paint grace--graffiti on the fences; take in your frightened children who are running from the neighborhood bullies straight to you." Psalm 17:7 (Msg)

He grew up in a world of fight or flight--daddy was a drug dealer, mom a survivor. One of the fastest runners in the state. His secret?-- intense training in his neighborhood running for his life. We worked with him until he realizes his gift on the track was his ticket out. But he had to buy his ticket with passing grades. We worked so hard to get him on track. One incident in the cafeteria, and he was expelled. He was cornered like an animal, accused of something he didn't do. He tried to explain; the principal wouldn't listen. Everything was black and white until he saw red. The alternative school is full--we're throwing him to the wolves over a numbers issue? Lord, is there a such thing as loving anger, rage of justice, integrity-filled fury? Lord, I place him in your hands. My modern day Daniel in the lions' den--but the scary thing is, Daniel knew You. Daniel had faith. All my student has are his fists and an open spot in his daddy's business.

The Score Card

"Love . . . doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others." 1 Corinthians 13:5

I had a dream 2 nights ago.
In the 3rd row of a stranger's funeral,
I marveled at the eulogy.
An avid golfer chasing the perfect score
had collapsed on the green,
His ball 5 inches from the cup on the 18th.
His wife was reading his score card
in attempt to determine his eternal fate.
But it was not simply his golf game she scrutinized . . .
Apparently, he sliced it when he
kicked his daughter out of the house at 17.
But he recovered for a bogey by paying for her wedding.
He hit it in a water hazzard with an affair in '92,
But his wife granted him a mulligan.
He overshot the green when he stole a candy bar
From a local store when he was 16,
But used his pitching wedge to recover by
always over tipping at restaurants.
He buried his ball in a bunker with
the drunken fight of '84,
But pulled through for par by
mowing his elderly neighbor's lawn.
As she continued with the list,
the panic in her voice rose.
You could sense her mind racing.
Searching for answers on the score card.
She awkwardly held a tiny pencil wondering
why they didn't have erasers.
Would he spend eternity in a sand trap--
Hitting the same ball over and over
as it returned to the same spot?
Or had he made a hole in one
and headed back to the clubhouse
For a relaxing lunch with his buddies?
Would he see his dad? his best friend he lost 3 years ago?
Our old dog max? would he still have back pain?
The swirl of thoughts seemed to boil over
and force the tears to fall
like the rain she'd pray for that day
so he'd postpone his tee time
and cuddle just a little longer.
But there wasn't a cloud in the sky . . .

and then I woke up.

There's nothing worse than a funeral of unbelievers,
of people who haven't met you, haven't heard Your amazing story of hope, mercy, and forgiveness. Thank you, Lord, for tearing our score cards
and loving us even if we're not quite up to par.