The Switch

2:31 a.m.
a full moon glows
as i continue to pretend to sleep
but my whirlpool mind just won't turn off
like an alarm with no snooze
a train whistle that never fades into the distance
a constant drip, but without the comfort of predictability
a repeated poke on the arm
this is the song that never ends . . . .
a day dream (night dream?) bubble appears above the bed
a cartoon switch where I can reach up
flip
and embrace the quiet of a restful night
many would misdiagnose it as anxiety
and I'll admit
it used to be endless worry
until You came in with Your word
and butterflied letters on a page into the truth of trust
now it's just me, my mind
and this swirling edie of ideas and randomness
the pressure to perform even in my sleep
the perfectionist equation of eight hours = normal
Paul had a thorn in his side
and I have a brain in my head
but maybe just
maybe
it's not such a curse
but a gift from You
and that's the real switch
-flip-


"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6

"Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37

"Test me, O LORD, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;
for your love is ever before me,
and I walk continually in your truth." Psalm 26:2-3

"But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more." Psalm 71:14

First Day of School

Time flies when you're having fun, but it zooms when you have kids.

wasn't it yesterday that I felt the first kick
brought her home, place her in a crib,
and rediscovered my purpose
in this little 8lb 13 oz. package wrapped in pink
now with backpack in tow
she heads off to the halls of wisdom
so much I want her to learn
like beauty beyond Barbie
wisdom beyond Dr. Seuss
and the adventures of You in stories
yet so much I don't want her to learn
like shame and insecurity
the teeter totter game of comparison
in the playground for approval.
Lord, keep her naive as long as possible
and help me study for this parenting quiz
on Chapter 1: Letting go . . .

Sponge

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to learn from great modern day leaders.

I am humbled by where You've placed me in this next chapter.

May I continue to be an arrow pointing to You.

"Nothing matters more than ownership of a vision." Bill Hybels

"People don't alwasy have to have thier way; they just need to have their way considered." Bill Hybels

"There will be vision leaks. Your followers have real lives. Keep up with the refills." Bill Hybels

"Are you the owner of the vision you are carrying out, or are you just a hired hand?" Bill Hybels

"Accept the fear people have of someone who's different. But don't let their prejudice become your burden." Carly Fiorina

(This one hit home. You and I know I've always struggled to fit in and let it somehow define me as inadequate in my own mind. Maybe it's time to let go of the burden . . . Thanks for this session and Carly's life story. )

"Many fears are stupid, but they're real. And everytime you overcome a fear, you get stronger. None of us can learn unless we're outside our comfort zones." Carly Fiorina

"Passion can blind as well as motivate; you need enough objectivity to see things as they really are." Carly Fiorina

"One of the most important aspects of a leader is authenticity." Carly Fiorina

"Most people believe that as you grow, your personality changes, but the truth is that as you grow, you become more of who you already are." Marcus Buckingham

"The true challenge is to address your strengths without bragging and your weaknesses without whining." Marcus Buckingham

"Most people believe that you grow the most in your areas of weakness, but the truth is you grow most in your areas of strength." Marcus Buckingham

"You appetites drive your success. Don't just look at what you're good at, look at what you are good at AND you enjoy." Marcus Buckingham

"Maybe risk is the definition of righteousness." Mark Batterson

"God reconditions our guilt with grace and our fear with faith. "Mark Batterson

"Don't accumulate possessions; accumulate experiences." Mark Batterson

"Hebrews tells us that Jesus is the author of our faith. When we let our fear hold us back, we rob the author of a great story through our experiences. Are you living your life in a way that is worth telling stories about?" Mark Batterson

"Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God." Mark Batterson

(These last two will keep me awake at night . . . in a good way. )

SSSSSSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLERP!

That was the sound of me soakin' it all up like a sponge . . .

Reclaiming Inheritance

"Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don't want anyone looking down on God's Message because of their behavior." Titus 2:3-5

Three generations head to the mountains of Georgia
to get spiritually renewed and Titus 2'd
eleven hour drive quickly slides the sands of time
with some good conversation and a hymnal from 1953
somehow my mind discovers time travel
and the vehicle is four part harmony
with words and melodies I didn't even know I still knew
over 70 hymns quietly freefloating in my little mind
drinking in the voices of the past
I'm back at summer campmeetings in open concrete buildings
I'd look up at the wooden beams and trace the triangles with my fingers
Jesus fans blinking away the humidity
sweat trickling on the brows of the men
while the women try to maintain the grace of powdered beauty
but the glittery "glow" hides discreetly at the temples
where the horizon of hairspray sculpture meets the blushing cheek
smiling crimson lips part and high heels bounce
I would take off my sandals and feel the cool concrete on my feet
daydreaming about the homemade iced cream served after the service
as the minister spoke in a tilt-a-whirl sort of a way
too fast for me to comprehend
but I could sense the momentum of adventure
I would see an ant under the pew and follow his story
but just before he could reach is new friend the pill bug
I'd hear my second favorite sound
click, click, creek
as the seats adjust to emptiness
and sh, shhhhh, shhh
as the hymnal pages spin
chests all puff up like stretching flowers at sunrise
in the breath before beauty
and then . . .
"Praise the Lord, my heart with his love is beaming,
I am a child of God
Heaven's golden light over me is streaming
I am a child of God (repeat 2x)
I have washed my robes in the cleansing fountain
I am a child of God . . ." (Barney Warren, 1907)
Thank You, Lord for relevant hymns one hundred years old
for this annual weekend of Titus 2,
for an inheritance you can't record in a checkbook
most of all, for three generations who take time
to strip away all masks
sing some old songs
and chase after You
together.


"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."
Bob Marley

"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness."
Maya Angelou