WORSHIPOETRY

Bubblicious Dottie

2012-01-09T11:04:00.000-08:00

Dottie had a Mary Poppins purse with endless bubblegum
I'd skip up every Sunday morning with a smile quickly returned
soft-spotted gentle hand reaching into bottomless white leather
I'd steal a glance at her shining pearls as rare as she was
and then her open, humble palm extended like a present

magic cubes of sugar wrapped with paper and the love of Jesus
Don would hold my cheek and do his Donald Duck voice
giggling out the sugar high of touch and humor and joy
and I always knew they loved me
that church was not a steeple, a wooden cross up front,
not a building, cold and brick
but the warmth of people who loved Jesus and loved me
the gentle hands of Don and Dottie McCall
and their endless generosity of Bubblicious
a gift to our necktie and high-heeled parents as well
funneling all that impish energy that made us want to dance in the aisle
concentrated in our jaws where our taste buds danced with delight
and our shoes swayed beneath the pews like giddy pendulums
or upside down flowers laughing in an Easter breeze
where He came and died to turn our world upside down
every Sunday I'd see Him in their eyes, their smiles,
Don's duck voice and that purse of mystery
all pointing me to generosity, to joy, to Jesus
May the purse of my heart never run out of Bubble Gum.
Dottie's knowing smile went up to be with Jesus today
I hear His voice floating down, urging Don to keep smiling
and praying in his duck voice
until they can all be together again.
I bet Jesus blows the best bubbles.

"Joy is a flame that glimmers only in the palm of the open and humble hand. In an open and humble palm ,released and ready to receive, light dances, flickers happy." Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

"Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. " Mark 4:24

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
- James M. Barrie

The New Knew

2012-01-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

drowning in the New Year lists of shoulds

waves crashing from both sides

more saving, less spending

more water, less sodium

more cardio, less battered and fried

and it's making all of us a little battered and fried

12 steps down to the basement

where my kid pulls me back up to You

with the placid lake simplicity of the 4 L's

Live.

Laugh.

Look.

Love.

and I add the 5th

Listen.

“For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.” T.S.Eliot

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new."(Isaiah 43:19 MSG)

"All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning." ~Albert Camus

One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4

"I know what I want: to see deeply, to thank deeply, to feel joy deeply. How my eyes see, perspective, is the key..." Ann Voskamp "One Thousand Gifts"

The 12 Steps of Christmas

2011-12-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas makes women insane

and as a constantly recovering Martha

I just wish I could gather all Your precious daughters

into one little padded room

hand out the hand-knitted straight jackets

and offer them a week of peace before Your birthday party.

I would read them a book of stories from Luke

the preface containing a desperate plea from You

vying for their attention and offering so much more

than scented candles, 12 step programs, Oprah self-help books,

or rushed bubble baths while their kids repeatedly call

"Mom!" outside the locked door, like broken records

because maybe after a week of listening

like squirming, little girls on carpet squares

the truth might begin to sink in and surround them

like that expensive memory foam they thought would do the trick

but this truth won't leave them restless in the morning.

They can hear it in Mary's song, in the angels announcement,

and especially the night You came to visit two sisters

icons of the little devil and little angel

on the shoulders of every woman

the one complaining, debating, worrying,

hissing discontent in one ear,

while the other kneels and prays with a silent, patient smile

and then POOF

they suddenly get it;

They don't need to survive Christmas;

they need Christmas to survive.

And all it took was 12 steps

out of the kitchen to the feet of Jesus.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 38-42

"Christmas makes me stop and ask myself--do I really believe that love can be purchased with a gift? That I can make my family love me or I can make my family get along if I can just get more stuff?" Mark Beeson, "Simple Family" sermon December 13-14, 2008

"If you stop to think about it, it is astounding that the simple, unassuming birth of a peasant boy born two thousand years ago in the Middle East has caused such commotion--his birthday even causes traffic jams in places like New York City, Tokyo, and Rio de Janeiro . . . Preparing for Christmas can be a lot of work, especially for moms. With the pressure of buying gifts, sending greeting cards, decorating our homes, putting up lights, cooking attending parties, and cleaning up afterward, we have little time to actually enjoy the meaning of Christmas . . . God came to earth as Jesus essentially to say: 'You guys have got it all wrong! Of course doing good things matters, but it doesn't make me love you any more or less. My love for you is unlimited, unconditional, unchanging, and undeserved. So let me teach you a new concept called grace. You can't purchase it, work for it, or be good enough to merit it. It's a gift that will cost me a lot, but it is free to you. Everything I do for you, to you , in you, and through you--every single blessing you have in life--is a gift of grace.' Why celebrate Christmas if you're not going to open the best gift of all?" Rick Warren, The Purpose of Christmas

True Love's Last Kiss

2011-11-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

from ancient scrolls to silver screen humanity
the world holds breath and leans in for true love's first kiss
heroic journeys through briars, brambles, danger and dragons
all for a chance to lock lips, save the day and set off fireworks
fairytale Hollywood ending is a happily ever after beginning
cameras cut before those quiet moments of years to come
when the sky is black and the booming dies down
but maybe that's where real love begins
not in the rapid horse chases
but staying put & putting up
not true loves first kiss
but that last kiss
from your
true
luv

"Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."Thoreau

"Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage."
Ephesians 5:24-26

Masquerade

2011-10-31T02:59:00.000-07:00

Masquerade, paper faces on parade
Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you.

Phantom of the Opera's biggest 8 year old fan

constantly singing, humming, belting,

the melodies and lines from this classic tale

pulled in with wonder at what's behind the mask

the checkered past that blurs the lines of good and evil

fascination with yet another Beauty and the Beast story

riveted by the extravagance of the ball

she's determined to relive it at Halloween

But I can't help but miss her while she's behind the mask

and say a little prayer for the coming tween and teen years

when many different masks might be tried on for size

until she finds the freedom of being who she is in You

"Why doesn't Christine stay? All the phantom needs is love."

She inquires and I can't help but wonder myself...

“Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature... For theLord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:17

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." ~e.e. cummings

Dream Deferred

2011-09-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

it's just out of reach
like a high shelved snow globe at Christmas
and Daddy's out of change in his corduroys
this seven years of daydreaming
but there's that lonely line on a stick
stood up by his prideful paralleled companion
once every 28 days
and every tick of that biological clock
avoid the TV- Johnson & Johnson is waiting
Stay home from the box stores, their not gift-wrapped
that big-bellied woman with a grin on her face
or the dark-eyed teen wondering "why me"
the stroller wheels that turn my way
and I lock eyes with their wide-eyed passenger
fingers in his mouth, beaming the breath out of me
all casually stroll by tearing off a scab
there's not enough time for scars
when you're surrounded
So I stop in this Gerber, Maternity torture Circus
and look up to lock eyes with You
hoping you'll beam this dream right out of me
But it all keeps spinning in the periphery
You give me Your Son
I'll give You mine.
Over and over again.

"Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help.
Every morning
you'll hear me at it again.
Every morning
I lay out the pieces of my life
on your altar
and watch for fire to descend." Psalm 5:1-3 (Msg)

"Prayer is the lifting of our hearts and minds to God.
For no matter what we're saying, we're asking,"Do you love me?"
And no matter how He answers, He's saying, "Yes, I do."
Mother Angelica

Baptism

2011-08-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150400861222498

Praying by your crib for you
pastel blankets and quilted dolls shaking
for fear of those playful kicking chubby feet
praying that one day you would choose
the Man who prayed in the garden
green grass blanket and leaf trees shaking
for fear of those groans and drops of blood

watching you take those teetering first steps
cherub arms out, tongue to the side
hoping you'd one day choose the one
who carried a cross up a hill
battered arms out, facing the spear in his side

letting you go on that first day of school
into that dark tunnel of brick and crayons and paste
dreaming of what you choose to color and paste together
longing for you to take Him with you
the One who gave his son into darkness for you
who whispers in colors and helps you
piece it all together

Here we are today
those same feet kicking underwater
first steps into this pool
once again going where I cannot follow.
Enveloped in a love just for you
and offered to all His children.
We celebrate today and keep praying
as those feet continue to grow
as more steps are taken
and as you continue to piece it all together.

"Baptism is an outward expression of an inward faith."Watchman Nee

Acts 22:16 -"And now why do you tarry? Rise up and be baptized and wash away your sins, invoking his name."

Insomnia

2011-07-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Awake while the world is dreaming
so I stumble into the prayer closet
asking You why I'm awake
and the dam of why's burst
like a pindrop catalyst earthquake
They say our world is falling into darkness….
I cringe through the news
like gawking at a car wreck
wondering if someone I love is trapped inside
They say the Golden rule is tarnished and fading to black…
Everyone’s arguing about what to do
How to fix it
Who to believe
asleep in the stalemate of their own rage
so afraid to wake up and listen
that they go on a killing spree in Norway
Some are looking for escape, any chance to numb the pain…
So they say No, No, No to rehab
Some believe the chance for a brighter future
is growing dimmer each day
So they embrace the inevitable
avoid the conversation
and buy their kid another ipod to stare at
It’s easier to sleep in when it’s dark outside.
But there is too much at stake to keep our eyes closed.
In the orange glow of our swaying closet light
in the warmth of this prayer closet cocoon
my hands come together at my chest with a tired sigh
and I lean against You
Listening to your lullaby calling us to rise and shine
not despite of
but for the love of
a world falling into darkness
Then I see a tiny ray
of the rising Son
peeking through the keyhole.

“Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray…’
Luke 22:46

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. ~Dale Carnegie

“So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober.”
1 Thessalonians 5:6

"Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast."
~William Shakespeare, Macbeth

This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Ephesians 5:14

The Odd Couple

2011-06-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

Miss Summer always had a bounce in her step
leftover from Spring
the sweet yellow lemonade sun her childhood playmate
always outside and on the go,
back and forth like the pendulum swing set,
running like a spinning sprinkler,
dancing like the windchimes on the back porch,
and wondering when the next breeze would relieve the heat
of those pipe dreams behind her fanciful eyes.
She didn't expect to fall in love with Mr. Winter
peering at his handsome silhouette through the falling leaves of Autumn
like cheering from the top row bleechers
in those icy breath football Friday nights,
sneeking a peak back at him through the March fog
after those Spring rains when the frost melts to dew
and those slumbering buds first stretch and yawn open.
She admired from a distance his quiet strength
the rest in his silent snowfalls
the glistening ice enveloping the bare branches
stripped of their leafy clothes, naked and vulnerable.
when families stayed inside together
like a warm womb or cozy cocoon
where everything slows and grows in hidden stillness.
Yet somehow she caught his eye.
For years she tried to bring him to her bee-buzzing world
but it was to bright, too humid, too frantic, too much.
She tried to run to him but she'd shiver and ache
her strong kisses cut short
behind the weakness of those chattering teeth.
His companion darkness that brought him blankety peace
only made her grieve and long for the sun.
But they held on by their fingertips
stretching and straddling the seasons life would bring them.
Meeting for rendevous picnics in the blustery spring
laughing as the wind knocked them over a few times
trudging through the Fall mud hand in hand
when all she wanted to do was sprint back to summer grasses
and all he wanted to do was sit and wait til it hardens.
It's not a happily ever after story.
No, thanks to You, the creator of all seasons,
it's better than that.
Because, no matter what the season,
sometimes it's better to be in the shelter of the woods
than out of them
As long as you stick together.

"That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger." ~George Eliot

"Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage." Ephesians 5:21-28 (Msg)

"A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time." ~Anne Taylor Fleming

Mwah

2011-05-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

secret velvet worry
this vast translucent sail
bellowy fever throbbing
melting my marble sky
Your wild prisoner dazzled
auspicious fire dancing in these dark eyes
pierced to bleed and healed to fly
empty handed robbery offered a gold-bow'd present
icy wind to see a freshly perfumed and blushing breath
the rhythm of Your sacred poetry
steamy concrete swaying
to the kiss of change

"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
Psalm 51:6-12

"Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other."
Psalm 85:10

Spit and Polish

2011-04-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

This chasing fear
that year after year
Your Love's World premier
might slowly disappear
mud smeared on beauty sheers
when sincere becomes severe
rule lines to never cross here
black and white pamphleter
nitpicking auctioneer
some pious racketeer
zombie sickness Phariseer
high gear calendar year
looking down from up here
giving ear but can't hear
when head-bowed tears switch to upturned sneers
belly laugh cheer fades to puffed up chesty jeer
austere to cavalier
smug mutineer
pride pioneer
Lord, Please intefere
commandeer
back to the white tailed deer
panting for Your water crystal clear
a kick in the rear
when ancient truth is new clear
from Your celestial sphere to side spear
ever blind to sightseer
every morning You draw near
to save me here
from my biggest fear
that all that I hold dear
could become spit and polish veneer.

"The fierce words of Jesus addressed to the Pharisees of His day stretch across the bands of time. Today they are directed not only to fallen televangelists but to each of us. We miss Jesus' point entirely when we use His words as weapons against others. They are to be taken personally by each of us. This is the form and shape of Christian Pharisaism in our time. Hypocrisy is not the prerogative of people in high places. The most impoverished among us is capable of it. Hypocrisy is the natural expression of what is meanest in us all." Brennan Manning The Ragamuffin Gospel

"Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?" Matthew 23:24 (Msg)

"Christ himself wrote it-not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives-and we publish it." 2 Corinthians 3:3 (Msg)

"Now Jesus turned to address his disciples, along with the crowd that had gathered with them. "The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God's Law. You won't go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don't live it. They don't take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It's all spit-and-polish veneer. Instead of giving you God's Law as food and drink by which you can banquet on God, they package it in bundles of rules, loading you down like pack animals. They seem to take pleasure in watching you stagger under these loads, and wouldn't think of lifting a finger to help. Their lives are perpetual fashion shows, embroidered prayer shawls one day and flowery prayers the next. They love to sit at the head table at church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees, and getting called 'Doctor' and 'Reverend.' Don't let people do that to you, put you on a pedestal like that. You all have a single Teacher, and you are all classmates. Don't set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do. Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do. No one else should carry the title of 'Father'; you have only one Father, and he's in heaven. And don't let people maneuver you into taking charge of them. There is only one Life-Leader for you and them—Christ. Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." Matthew 23:1-12

"The confessing church of American Ragamuffins needs to join Magdalene and Peter in witnessing that Christianity is not primarily a moral code but a grace-laden mystery; it is not essentially a philosophy of love but a love affair; it is not keeping rules with clenched fists but receiving a gift with open hands." Brennan Manning The Ragamuffin Gospel

40

2011-03-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

40 days until Easter
This simple number 40
40 holds a profound history of promises
“I will send rain on the earth for 40 days…” Gen 7:4
40 days to cleanse and start anew
“Moses was there with the LORD 40 days…and he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant—the Ten Commandments.” Exodus 34:28
40 days to listen
“…you had made for yourselves an idol…once again I fell prostrate before the LORD for 40 days. But again the LORD listened to me.” Deuteronomy 9:16-19
40 days to repent
“Moses sent them to explore Canaan…’See what the land is like…Is it good or bad?... How is the soil? Is it fertile or poor?... At the end of 40 days they returned from exploring the land.” Numbers 13:17-25
40 days to explore
“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these… 40 years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart.” Deuteronomy 8:2
40 days to humble ourselves
“Each morning and evening for 40 days, Goliath took his stand and made his speech…’Master,’ said David, ‘don't give up hope. I'm ready to go and fight.’ “ 1 Samuel 17:16, 32
40 days to test our courage
“His name will be Solomon, and I will grant Israel peace and quiet during his reign… He reigned in Jerusalem over all Israel 40 years.” 1 Chronicles 22:9, 2 Chronicles 9:30
40 days to restore peace
“Jonah obeyed the word of the LORD and went to Nineveh… He proclaimed: "40 days and Nineveh will be overturned.’ The Ninevites believed God.” Jonah 3:3-5
40 days to heed a warning
“…lie down again, this time on your right side, and bear the sin of the house of Judah. I have assigned you 40 days, a day for each year.” Ezekiel 4:6
40 days to remember
"After fasting 40 days…he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:2-4
40 days to prepare
“He appeared to them over a period of 40 days and spoke about the kingdom of God. …After this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.” Acts 1:3, 9
40 days to return
Each of these periods of 40 brought times of struggle
Testing
Challenge.
But at the end of 40...
waited a rainbow of promise
fertile land to set down some roots
a new set of eyes to see their world
a restored strength and passion for the call
This 40 days of Lent
the Church’s annual wilderness experience
40 days of attitude adjustment
40 days to shake off the extras that weigh us down
40 days to prepare for the celebration
40 days to return to the why behind the what
40 days to return to the Who behind the why
40 days to return
to You.

"We should expect to hear about love on a lenten friday. Believers, of course, recall the passion of Jesus on all the fridays of the year, but the lenten fridays are special days to prepare for the Friday called Good."
Victor Hoagland

"Repentance is the doorway to the spiritual life, the only way to begin. It is also the path itself, the only way to continue. Anything else is foolishness and self-delusion. Only repentance is both brute-honest enough, and joyous enough, to bring us all the way home." Frederica Mathewes-Green, The Illumined Heart:
The Ancient Christian Path of Transformation

Homesick

2011-02-25T07:43:00.000-08:00

Prayer from Granger Community Church on Vimeo.

Cover to cover
we pray.
the echo of humanity whining like kids
In the beginning,
There were no closed eyes and bowing heads,
just grown up hide n seek,
a conversation walled off by fig leaves,
fear,
and pointing fingers.
“I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Genesis 3:10

Trying to weasel our way out of trouble like Cain
“Am I my brother’s keeper?” Genesis 4:9
Bartering with You like Abraham…
"50? 45? then 40? how about just 10?" Genesis 18:23-29
Running from our own messes like Jacob…
“Save me, please, from the violence of my brother…” Gen 21:11-12
Back pedaling against our calling like Moses…
"Moses answered God, 'But why me?' Exodus 3:11
living with Joshua where the grass is always greener in someone else’s yard.
"If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan!” Joshua 7:7
Gideon flat out demanded a sign before he’d even listen.
“… give me a sign that it is really you talking to me.” Judges 6:17
Samson pleaded for revenge.
“… revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.” Judges 16:28
And Jabez straight up asked You to show him the money.
"bless me and enlarge my territory.” 1 Chronicles 4:10
Us telling God, “I know you’re a little confused right now,
but here’s what you should do."
Kids ordering around the father.
But something shifts in the middle of the book.
Like a kid that grows up
and starts talking with his dad instead of at him.
That kid who gets old enough
to stop asking for toys
and starts just wanting dad’s time more than anything.
Like David who fell facedown in his shame
“Cleanse me from my sin.” Psalm 51:1
Then stood up with a new song of praise.
“Sing to the LORD a new song.” Psalm 98:1
Jeremiah actually asked for discipline.
So correct us, God, as you see best. Jeremiah 10:23-24
Daniel hit his knees with a heart for the people of his city.
“see the desolation of the city that bears your Name” Daniel 9:18
And Isaiah reminded us we’re all just clay in his hands.
“you are the potter” Isaiah 64:8
Mary didn’t say a word at first,
then pretty much said “Let’s do this”…
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Luke 1:38
Then Jesus comes along and shows us how to pray…
“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” Matthew 6:10
He was always sneaking off for a talk with Dad...
“Jesus spent the night praying to God.” Luke 6:13
His very life was a prayer
“take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42
Shouted in his death.
“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” Luke 23:44
Paul reminded us to pray boldly…
“approach God with freedom and confidence.” Ephesians 3:12
Like the saints and martyrs throughout the centuries…
“make me an instrument of your peace” St. Francis
Gandhi began a revolution with prayer…
“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.” Gandhi
Mother Theresa modeled it…
“God speaks in the silence of the heart.” Mother Theresa
And Billy Graham defined it…
“A two way conversation” Billy Graham
And then it hit me…
like a kid who couldn’t wait to move out on his own
but suddenly finds himself
very
homesick.
You are always listening,
but the question is…
are we?

"Prayer is our declaration of dependence." Phillip Yancey

"Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure."
D. L. Moody

"By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life."
Psalm 42:8

"Pray that the LORD your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do.”
Jeremiah 42:3

Butterfly Effect

2011-01-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

awkward is my middle name
case for a basket of butterflies
flapping around behind my belly button
winging reverb to my shaking fingertips
and blowing words out through the mouth
I never mean to say
flutter cluttering everyone else's quiet day
I bite my lip to trap them in
but they live in my head too
ever buzzing monarch thoughts,
landing to crawl like pens on paper,
puckish shadow puppets
behind these windows to my soul
flapping incessantly,
but maybe
they're dancing...
maybe
they're just praising You
maybe
they're lifting me up to fly
fingertips at the edge of the sky
maybe
the best curse to have
is the curse of the
butterflies.

"Refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." Sarah Jessica Parker

"The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less." 2 Corinthians 5:5 (Msg)

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a Heaven for?" Robert Browning

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame." GK Chesterton

"Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Taffy Days

2010-12-31T04:24:00.000-08:00

these are the salt water taffy days

like the arms of a machine

that try to cut me in half

but really just stretch me

to make me a little softer

a little sweeter

the machine's been churning for days now

I'm getting a little dizzy

worn down by the ins and outs

rounds and rounds like clockwork

in a sticky cycled cage of chrome and pink

the zigging is pulling down my smile

and the zagging is tugging my eyes upward

toward the writer of the recipe

You smile and whisper

"Hang on"

because in the middle of all this

dizzying, stretching, straining

you're making me delicious.

"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape." Charles Dickens

"The closeness to God, the similarity to God, the conformity to God, not just the feeling of being close to God but the ontological real closeness to God, the God-likeness of the soul, emerges from suffering with remarkable efficiency."
Lee Strobel, The Case for Faith

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1: 2-4

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out." Romans 12:1-2 (MSG)

Soldier Boy

2010-11-27T09:46:00.000-08:00

"I wonder if a soldier ever does mend a bullet hole in his coat?"
Clara Barton

He thinks he's just a bullet dodger
the black sheep in this wooly flock
the foreigner coming for a visit
haunted by the storms overseas
but he is our treasured soldier boy
our bundle of handpicked Korean joy
drying the salty tears after Aaron's goodbye
That same feisty smile we now see in Marcus
a cousin to play with
who grew into a husband and father
but forever Your little boy
This is his home
You are his home
it's time for a real homecoming,
but it's hard for a good soldier to surrender.
In the meantime,
we'll keep our arms open
like a foxhole of family
and You've called a ceasefire.
He's still hearing the lead
whizzing past his shaking shoulders
still holding that grenade pin
following orders
the screams echoing in his mind
and hope buried in the rubble somewhere.
Trained to kill
but born to be loved.
We pray for a miracle
peace from war
in the heart of our
Soldier Boy.

We love you, Nathan
almost as much as He does.

"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." Maya Angelou

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

1 X 1

2010-11-10T07:20:00.000-08:00

Church Redefined from Granger Community Church on Vimeo.

For some it is stained glass beauty,
white steeples on high hills nostalgia,
wooden pews of childhood
where our Patten leather shoes dangled below
as the sermons flew above our heads,
the artistry of the Cathedrals of Europe,
a tourist attraction for snapshots
in photo albums we never open again,
for others, it carries some outdated mystery
behind bright red doors that are locked,
with only a privileged few holding the keys,
a place to waste time on false hope once a week,
outdated, old-fashioned, and boring,
a boxed-in sea of judgmental glares
gossip disguised as prayer requests
a building with a list of don’ts
mandates to be good,
be nice,
and be quiet.
In the beginning
it was the picture of a lush garden stroll
in the cool of the day
Hushed tones of worship conversation
A relationship, whole and pure,
Teeter totter listening and laughter
Sunsets dancing on our faces
through the canopy of leaves overhead
Until we took a bite of temptation and pushed You away.
We followed Your fire at night and cloud in the day
And set up a draping tabernacle,
flapping its greeting in the desert breeze
A whispered invitation to enter and worship.
Then Solomon’s temple,
rich with ornate beauty,
exclusive Holy of Holies few dared to enter
Until…an unexpected twist.
The true temple came
in a baby born in a stable
When you, once again, chose to walk
with Your friends in the cool of the day
Church on the move once more,
as You loved them
one
by
one,
A woman by a well,
two men in a boat,
12 around a table,
From a hillside gathering in the thousands,
To the upper room where You knelt to wash their feet,
Church redefined in the body of a Godman,
The temple veil torn in Your last breath,
another invitation as the torch was passed,
The temple is in
each
of
us.
We are the temple.
as close as our hearts and as big as the worlds we live in.
It’s not a building we come to on Sundays.
Church is wherever we are.
A school cafeteria,
an office break room,
a check-out line,
a soccer field sideline,
a restaurant booth,
a hospital bed,
a movie theater,
a living room,
a back yard,
a sidewalk stroll
Church is wherever we are,
wherever we love them
one
by
one.
an invitation, not to a building,
but to a relationship.
You didn’t keep inviting us to visit You in heaven,
You came down to us.
To walk with us.
To live among us.
Face to face.
Hand in hand.
Side by side.
We’ve been asking the wrong questions….
Church is not a what,
or even a where.
Church…
is a who.
They may refuse to come to meet You.
But we will bring You to them,
wherever and whenever we choose to love them
like You taught us.
Face to face.
Hand in hand.
Side by side.
One
by
one.

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12: 10-12

"The greatest need for our time in for the Church to become what it has seldom been: the body of Christ with its face to the world, loving others regardless of religion or culture, pouring itself out in a life of service, offering hope to a frightened world, and presenting itself as a real alternative to the existing arrangement." Brennan Manning, "The Signature of Jesus"

Ideas Like Flowers

2010-10-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

some pray for rain
for healing
for justice
for money
but I run in the fall rain
and pretend it's spring
dreaming of an epitaph that reads
"All around her things bloom nonstop"
listening for ideas whispered
and falling in drops like clues
like seeds that could grow
in the dry ground of a heart
and make it fertile again
blossoming into a tall sunflower
swaying in this cracked, earthen field
to the song of peace joy purpose
bending in the breeze to worship You
and let it all begin
with the seed of a story

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
Maya Angelou

"Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see."
C. S. Lewis

"The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart." Maya Angelou

"Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—" Psalm 107:2a

"...let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance—
for understanding proverbs and parables,
the sayings and riddles of the wise.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge..." Proverbs 1:5-7

"With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand." Mark 4:33

Weight Loss

2010-09-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

I think I get it
Why he took the cross from You
Those dragging steps in the sandy streets
Your legs shaking and covered in lines of blood
Even then, You were sending us a message
when you try to carry something alone
You fall
When you try to grin and bear it
Gritting your teeth through the forced smile pain
You can only get so far.
I've got this, I thought.
But how the story would have changed
Had You refused his help.
And kept the cross to Yourself
Or worse yet,
Kept it from us.
So in light of what You gave
I dropped the bomb.
And shocker,
It didn’t explode,
just lightened the load.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. Of either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“God is not so wary as we, else He would give us no friends, lest we forget Him.” Emily Dickinson

"We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone."
Maya Angelou

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival." C. S. Lewis

Princess Bride

2010-08-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

around midnight October 14th
two teenage brothers sat in a hospital waiting room
making bets as to whose birthday she would share
thinking they were getting a little brother
their house would be turned upside down
by a little princess who thought canned corn was a seat
Disney movies her crystal ball to see the future
ever searching for her prince,
daddy and big brothers were great practice
in that first dress up make believe decade of training
taking turns as Prince Phillip, Aladdin, John Smith
and many other handsome men coming to the rescue.
But the Little Mermaid was her personal preference,
God is winking at her today she finally got her prince Eric.
But that didn’t come for quite a while.
Age 11, she was the one sprinkling petals at our wedding,
long before we could ever imagine
our own little princess would be sprinkling petals at hers.
But some snapshots don’t make the photo album.
when it feels like life hits you like a train.
Sarah was a daddy’s girl, crawling up his recliner lap,
recording silly radio talk shows on her tape recorder
and loving her with open arms.
January 99, another hospital waiting room
That look in her eyes before the words formed
“I’m 12 and I don’t have a dad anymore.”
She spent the next decade looking for those open arms,
Falling into arms that would hurt, leave and take without permission
until she went out on a balcony at ball state and surrendered
moving away to spend some time seeking the ultimate source of her longing
and found that You had been there for her all along.
That time to fall into the arms of a heavenly Father
before she could fall into the arms of her Prince Eric.
Thank You Lord for new beginnings
In the snapshots of white gowned fairy tale endings.

“Gravitation is not responsible for too people falling in love.” Albert Einstein

“Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
And his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.”
Revelation 19:7-8

Oh Brother

2010-07-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

Oh Brother, where art thou, in my dreams
When my pigtails fail to impress
Playground sisters and brothers were friends
you wished I'd be reposessed
The brother in movies stood up to the bully
While I served the bully at home
The brother in books lifted her up
You shoved me down into Unknown
Trapped me in corners to make me cry
a burr in your saddle from the start
But at bedtime prayers I would still love you
And pray there’d be room in your heart
For an annoying little sister
who was like a rock in your shoe
A splinter in your finger
A birthday with the flu…
A line of tape in the car
For those long trips
If I crossed the line
I’d get a swift kick.
“Sibling rivalry is common” they’d say
When Mom would ask a close friend
Her tears over all those years
Asking “Will this ever end?”
I thought we’d grow out of it
With our respective shoe sizes
But you, my big brother, keep me on my toes
And are always full of surprises.
But one thing won’t change
At the end of the day
When I kneel down for
Bedtime prayers to say.
I thank Him for you
Yes, even from the start
And pray that there still
Might be room in your heart
For this annoying little sister
like a rock in your shoe
Who grew up to be strong
And, in part, I thank you.

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters and brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.” Maya Angelou

‘The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. “ 1 Peter 5:10 (Msg)

“I ask him to strengthen you by his spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all the followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.” Ephesians 3:16-20 (Msg)

Abba's Day

2010-06-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

Gone are the days of those Norman Rockwell
armchair-sitting, hat-wearing, pipe-smoking thinking men
coming home from work to put their feet up
in their lazy-boy recliner thrones
peeking from behind shuffling grey newspapers
to offer stern wisdom from time to time
and remind the little ones to speak only when spoken to.
But these days call for a different daddy
those ant-finding, Barbie-playing, couch-wrestling heroes
jumping out from closets with flashlights under their chins
sitting in the stickiness of crumbs on the table breakfasts
and building forts with chairs and garish Disney character blankets
All pride aside as they get down on the floor
to lift up their children with their feet
for the ultimate flight simulator.
Waking up in the night from those chest lifting snores
Like the sun rising and falling
or the sound of waves landing safely on shore
Taking turns with the baby as the real shelter
from the thunderstorms.
and despite all mom’s back-seat driving
and hands on the hips questions
he is… safety, love, and what makes our houses…homes.
But every daddy moment is just a glimpse
A whisper of an Abba Father patiently waiting in the thick of it
Somehow their adoration in those silly G.I. Joe games
giddy laughter from the basement and back porch squeals
bare foot walks and late night mermaid stories
all the way to hidden tears over gowns at prom, graduation
and that walk down the aisle…
These are all rippling reflections
of Genesis rainbows to a stone rolled away
those long dusty walks from town to town
and from a manger to a cross
somehow it all feels more like eavesdropping
on the evolution of a loving father
from that arm chair throne to the toy-cluttered carpet
All pride aside as He came down
to lift His children up
the ultimate flight simulator.
and we hop into prayer
like nestling next to Daddy
in a booming thunderstorm
with sheets of rain driving sideways in the wind
And we give this day to You, Abba Father
This life to you
with its flood of uncertainties
wincing before each loud boom
There are those nights
when we cannot predict the timing or the intensity
of the mystery that shakes the windows
as if an ill-intending intruder pounding to come inside
But You just tuck us snug in the middle
telling epic stories of David prayers
in the middle of his own storms
as You whisper beneath the comforter of morning orison
reminding us all what we already know
but still need to hear only You say
Because…
"No matter what happens. Daddy’s here."

"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Luke 11:13

"Be kind to thy father, for when thou wert young, Who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, And joined in thy innocent glee." -- Margaret Courtney

"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express." Joseph Addison

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him." Psalm 103:13

Silver Lining

2010-06-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Sometime I wish I lived in a Norman Rockwell painting
Settled down in that vivid warmth and silliness
Uneven socks in their breathtaking imperfection
impish winks above cherry cheeks
Soda shop counters on a first name basis
That left corner of the mouth turned up into life
George Bailey lassoing the moon in baggie pants
Bubble gum apple pie simplicity
A dance of playful rest
Wrinkled wisdom of the ages beckoning us to listen
Reminding me of Park Place Church of God
That white steepled stained glass gift box
Where my all my aunts and uncles tied the not
Where Dad gaped at Mom coming down the aisle
And 25 years later I walked out a breathless bride
Now Sunday mornings spark littered pews of mostly silver hair
Some would lament the aging of a church
But I can’t help but think of old Norman Rockwell
And how every wrinkle tells a story
Every baggy eye hiding some impish wisdom,
every note in the worn hymnals floating up in classic praise
like the perfume of home cooked meals
wafting in snug homes blocks away from any Golden arches
where old seems new and nostalgia is the new modern
and where I breathe a little easier
I wonder what I could learn from the minds and hearts
of these silver crowned sages
what epic stories of faith
what buried treasures
lie in wait
what if the young looked up from our smartphones
to bow with respect to the aged
and listened
They don’t have an app for that.

“You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair. “ Douglas MacArthur

“The years teach much the days never knew.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.” Proverbs 16:31

“Wisdom is with aged men; with long life is understanding.” Job 12:12

“Lift high your praises when the people assemble,
shout Hallelujah when the elders meet!” Psalm 107:32

Catharsis

2010-05-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

The open field yawns into the line of the horizon
I run through the stabbing muscle cramps,
sprinting to exhaustion,
Reaching, chasing, and collapsing in the end
From the weighty rock growing in my chest.
Landing in the truth that I may never possess it,
never hold it in my hands
never taste it on my tongue
Lemonade from mud
bubble gum music soundtrack to a bloodstained war movie
smiling at the funeral of ideals
today I just sit down in it
filthy hands reaching up to You
covered in gloopy soot and sharp twigs
and dreaming of lemons.
The storm clouds hover and the bares trees loom,
Tearing off band-aids from broken limbs
The sun still caresses the horizon with Your promises,
Like when I push Lauren's hair from her eyes as she sleeps,
Full of lemonade wishes, love, and a whisper
the whisper of a muddy hope.

Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way! Jude 1: 2

"When I said 'My foot is slipping,'
Your love, O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me
Your consolation brings joy to my soul."
Psalm 94:18-19

Le Printemps

2010-05-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

When the walls close in,
When I can't catch my breath,
All it takes is a door, a window,
to see the tiny buds on cracking branches
And I come back to You.
In the wind as it snakes in and out of the trees
Like a child in a familiar playground.
I see Your face in the clouds
Trace Your name in the sand
scoop the surface of the water and
Watch the ripples surround me.
The fragrance of fresh cut grass in the summer,
When You hooked up with some fisherman and fed the five thousand.
Burning leaves in the fall,
When You knew they were coming.
The crunch of snow and icy breath that dances
In six cold hours on the cross
And then --the spring
Especially in the spring.

"Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."
Hosea 6:3

Love Letters in the Morning

2010-04-29T05:58:00.000-07:00

When my love and I first met
He wrote to me
Poetry, letters, songs of passion
His handwriting drew me
As the trickle of a rolling river
That somehow brings peace in constant movement
intertwining fingers of anticipation and repose
Each bend of the river was new
Each rock gently changing its flow
Redirecting the path to new revelation.
I ran to the mailbox, expecting, hoping,
Yearning for more of his words, his thoughts, his love
I never knew such love.
But I did . . .
You were there.
Your love letters sat on a high shelf
In a dusty cover with pages stuck together
That smelled new from lack of use.
Or sometimes in a drawer
With papers I never needed,
Pictures I never placed in an album,
Paper clips, rubber bands, and rusty scissors.
Your love letters
Your Song of Solomon
Your Psalms
Your Mathew Mark, Luke, and John
Your Genesis, Your Exodus
Your Romans and Jeremiah.
But now ancient words come alive like the morning paper
To run to the Book, expecting, hoping,
Yearning for more of Your Word, Your thoughts, Your Love
I never knew such love.
But I did . . .

“Your promises to me are hope. They give me strength in all my troubles; how they refresh and revive me!” Psalm 119:49

“Your words are what sustain me . . . They bring joy to my sorrowing heart and delight me.” Jeremiah 15:16

First Words

2010-04-04T05:15:00.000-07:00

In my haughty humanity
I would have shouted "I told you so!"
to the wagging finger Pharisees,
to ambivalent Pilate and his dripping hands.
But You took a few steps out of a tomb
inhaling the fresh scents of the garden
to speak the name of a weeping woman
a social outcast who found herself alone yet again
to ask a simple question
"Why are you crying?"
and yet somehow I hear my name
tasting the salt of my own tears
as You wish us both the first
Happy Easter
stealing our tears from grief
and handing them over to joy
Robin Hood style
as we open our eyes
to see You
just long enough to grin
fall into Your arms
and then take off running.

"In his triumph, Jesus could have paraded though the streets of Jerusalem. He could have knocked on Pilate's door. He could have confronted the high priest. But the first person our resurrected Lord appears to is a woman without hope. And the first words he speaks are, "Why are you crying?"
"What a savior we serve, or rather, who serves us. For in his hour of greatest triumph, he doesn't shout his victory from the rooftops. He comes quietly to a woman who grieves...who desperately needs to hear his voice...see his face...and feel his embrace."
Ken Gire, Moments with the Savior

"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."
Jesus said to her, "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).
John 20:15-16

Thornbush and Briers

2010-02-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

in the gasp of the sting
in the blood of the wound
in the thorny questions of the why
when the pain pulls us to our knees
We still hold on to the thornbush
because in You we know
the sweet fruit is coming
to quench our thirst
in this desert
on our way to Your promised land
or maybe we're just wallowing
on the road to Emmaus
heavy footed sandals dragging the dust
like pouting kids shuffling sneakers
after a kickball loss of 9 year old bravado
But little did we know
You've been walking with us
talking with us
all along.

"Thank You for the hunger I have known in the wilderness and the thorns and nails I have known in the world, I have learned to feel something of the pain You felt when you walked this earth...and something of the fellowship of your sufferings, and intimacy with you I would have never known apart from tears..." Ken Gire, Moments with the Savior

"Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed." Isaiah 55:13

The Gardener

2010-01-23T05:14:00.000-08:00

i tried something new
an obstinant, weak candle in a lit room
chasing the darkness to spread a light
little did i know
it was i who would be blessed
refreshed and renewed
by the cool
of their Steel Magnolias
seeing You smiling back and flickering
in their silvery mirrored petals.
Your humor in Patti's sarcasm
with precision arrow timing
like Robin hood splitting that arrow
with a smirk on his face
and a soft spot in his heart.
Your beauty in Jen's spirit
as she races her kids around town
giving up gas in the tank and a little bit of herself
jingling bangle bracelets
like windchimes that remind of us summer
in the middle of the icy winter chill
and even though she doesn't always see it,
her beauty leaves us all astounded.
Your creativity in Karen's strumming fingers
and velvety honest voice
that carries us far from our living room worries
to a place of sincerity and trust
as simple and bold as a pair of cowboy boots.
Your love for us in mother Dolly
who pulls us under her wings as her own
no matter how old we are
who feeds us well, hugs often,
and smiles more than she should
to make up for the rest of us.
Your constancy in Mandi's strength
when cancer haunted not once but twice
and she went in fighting
and came out a champion
disguised as just another shopping mom
in White House Black Market.
Long after the final curtain call,
as we go our separate ways,
and that last echo of applause fades like a train whistle,
the cool of their steely strength
and the lessons that blossomed
in those fragrant Magnolia talks
basktage and in the back seat of a van
will keep growing and helping me become
the women you made me to be
and the little girls we will always be to You
our Daddy
and the tender gardner
of this little patch of Steel Magolias.

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself."
~Edith Barrymore

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 59:16

"Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."
Dinah Shore~

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Share joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow." Swedish Proverb

Bah. Hum(ble) Bug.

2009-12-06T14:48:00.000-08:00

Christmas Carol Intro Week 1 from dustin maust on Vimeo.

Three books in my lap, three spirits in one night
Your word, Dickens' tale, and a gift from You
Scrooge needed three
but the One You sent was plenty for me
Common truths fly up like rays of light
Three glowing ribbons dancing in the wind
until You braid them into a stronger cord
a cord they can hold onto
one that pulls them closer to You
a 4th wall frosty windowed night
where a dusty book from Charles Dickens
and leather bound gold-tipped truths
tip toe off the shelves of the past
and jump in front of their eyes
like the clocks they check throughout the day
a place, a time, a story
where scars are beautiful
success cannot clink in your pockets
and we discover that our low view of things
is really just a high horse.
Where we fall from our smug upturned noses
into the graves of our own pride
flailing down so we can look up to You
the One who frees them from all chains
heals as the crutch is tossed aside
and melts the heart of the coldest of men
whether it be in a tale of one night
or the truth of a blinding day trip to Damascus
I will brace behind You like a kid in a scary movie
praying, hoping, begging that we might all leave changed
unfettered
laughing
and singing carols like fools
to wish You a proper birthday
this December
and maybe for all eternity.

"Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the old city knew. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him. His own heart laughed, and that was quite enough for him. It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well. May that be truly said of all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!" Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol

"Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time." ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

"A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes... and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent." Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." Luke 2:10-14

Hungry

2009-11-10T07:01:00.000-08:00

Little Krissy Liz had a bad habit

of treating her Father like a vending machine.

Culinarally adept, A grand master chef,

He's the virtuoso of delicious cuisine.

But she would settle for pushing His buttons

demanding pre-packaged snacks.

On the whole, she liked the control,

and munched on her plastic wrapped packs.

He longed for her to join Him in the kitchen

studying His craft by His side.

Making jokes while breaking yokes

covered in flour and grinning wide.

As she grew older, her appetite grew,

and she longed for something more

She found junk food gave her sour moods

Got stomach aches at the candy store.

She came home one day, tip-toed in

Standing in the kitchen door frame

Trying not to bother, she watched her Father

sauteeing over an open flame.

She marveled at His care and skill
the thoughful details in all of His dishes
the golden brown, the perfectly round
and sweet blend of spicy delicious

The scent of meat and fresh peppers

Revived her scenses and then

To His delight, she tried a bite,

And was never the same again.

She mourned the years she'd wasted

tunnell vision of vending machines

He often laughed at how she studied his craft

With a passion He'd rarely seen.

Then one day she understood

She wasn't training to cook for herself

Fresh ingredients of, a new kind of love,

She wanted to cook for everyone else.

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." Mother Theresa

"Never again will they hunger;

never again will they thirst.

The sun will not beat upon them,

nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;

he will lead them to springs of living water.

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:16-17

Quite the Character

2009-10-31T22:24:00.000-07:00

Her commitment to character astounds me.

some secret six year old desire to be a shape shifter

gracefully slithering into different disguises

walking to her craftily composed epic soundtrack

in the playground of her imagination.

Designing new shapes and lines with eyes of intent

and a tongue out to the side.

Always singing a new song that makes us lean in to listen.

Two years now of inventing her own character

No chance in a trick-or-treat of meeting her twin on the streets

originality the name of the game.

Last year, it was Sylon, the ninja princess,

yielding her sword of truth and quick-moving hands,

fighting for justice in hot pink and glitter.

This year Frostina, an icy heroine,

who can freeze objects as well as time,

fighting for justice, caped for battle,

and missing her two front teeth.

Known for her one-liners and endless energy

a world where everything is more than it seems

a folded blanket could be the roof of the fort

a marker, paper and glue keys to a storybook world

and a towel the cape that makes you fly.

She inspires me, challenges me, and makes me dream.

And I dream of what You will do with all this

how it could last and grow with her height

Until she falls into Your arms instead of ours

holding onto her gift of imagination

shape shifting into a new heroine for You

fighting for justice with a sword of truth

that's really a leather bound book

in her quick-moving hands.
Still designing new shapes and lines with eyes of intent
and a tongue out to the side.

Always singing a new song that makes us lean in to listen.

Still known for her one-liners and endless energy
and living in a world where everything is more than it seems
where Your Son is on the street corner waiting to be fed

Your Spirit is in the storybook truth, sticking in her mind like glue

and You are the purpose that keeps her flying.

And at the end of her life, all who knew her,

especially You,

would smile and say,

"Her commitment to character astounds me."

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." Epehesians 4:14-16

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

"He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:3

"My faith is not what I write about or what I paint about, but it is the light by which I see."Flannery O'Conner

Over Pressure

2009-10-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

I've decided to break up with Pressure.

He's messing with my head

keeping me from You

and sucking all abundance from this life.

Addition and subtraction of You vs. him

and I've been letting him win the equations.

But we have a history

he's clinging on like a stalker in the bushes

a voice in my ears

a vice grip on my head.

But I'm trading Him in for Privilege,

the honor of trusting You

with the Christmas train whistle bearing down

high pitched and squealing like a tea kettle,

the calendar moving and clicking by too fast

like a broken, flapping film strip,

and everyone's looking for me to fix it.

To give them the big ending to the movie they demand.

And they all want something different.

He's clingy, suffocating and persistent,

bearing down on the palette until it's all blended to goopy brown

never letting up until I'm all dried up.

But Your kind of pressure is liberating

breath-taking, and brings the brightest colors to my brush

leading me to higher ground, untouched.

So I'm trading Pressure in for Privilege today.

seam-ripping through this elastic prison

out in the open with You

because no matter what Pressure says

You got this.

"Fierce troubles came down on the people of those churches, pushing them to the very limit. The trial exposed their true colors: They were incredibly happy, though desperately poor. The pressure triggered something totally unexpected: an outpouring of pure and generous gifts. poor Christians." 2 Corinthians 8:2-3

"Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second.” Robert Frost

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:1-3

“Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary. When you start thinking of pressure, it's because you've started to think of failure.” Tommy Lasorda

"The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.
Then I let it all out;
I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."
Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.
These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we'll be on high ground, untouched."

Psalm 32:4-6

Curtains

2009-09-22T02:34:00.000-07:00

Innovate 09 from Granger Community on Vimeo.

I take my curtains for granted.
They hang beautifully, faithfully, day after day
brushing by them countless times in a week
Keeping us warm, cool, and comfortable
The spot where Lauren's hands grab to peek out
has grown higher and higher with every season
every precious visitor who visits is greeted
and farewelled by a friendly wave between the curtains
like a gleeful puppet show just for them
But there are days, months, years even,
when we go to work, come home, eat, sleep, play, live
and never take time to think about our curtains.
Imagine our shock to come home one day to find them stolen.
Blinding sunlight in the day and feeling exposed at night.
We take our curtains for granted.
Like our own ability to see
our silent breath in and out
our heartbeats...
And all too often, Your great commission.
For centuries, the Church has faced snakey temptation,
the pull for pageantry or the desire for political gain,
and in the middle of our planning services, events, elements,
in our busyness of preparation behind the stage curtains,
We forget about the curtain You tore in half
and our calling to share it with the world.
Somehow brushing past You to sit together on Sunday mornings
looking to stay warm, cool, and comfortable.
A bunch of prodigal big brothers, smug that we stayed at home
refusing to come to the party for someone so stupid.
Well-dressed cliques who shake hands, wave hello and goodbye
never getting past our own draping-curtained superficial smiles.
There will come a day when the curtains will fall from our eyes
like scales from the blind man You touched
the day when You come back to claim those
who stepped over those torn curtain pieces
into the temple of following You.
Confession time,
exposed.
That day scares me.
I know there will be celebration, healing, victory, redemption.
But I can't help but ache for all those left behind
the students I never got to share You with,
the friendly neighbors I never took time to get to know,
the hungry children in Monroe circle,
the thousands in India who didn't make it to the church plants.
the shoppers in Target right across the street,
who drive by the building like a curtain in a living room.
That day will be agony for them.
They are the reasons we get up in the morning
work late, have long meetings, hold conferences,spend days, weeks, months, years,
finding new innovative ways to capture their attention.
Shake us to move from hamsters on wheels
to your kids chasing Your dreams
of what could be and should be.
And help me to cling to that heavy ache in my chest
that nagging thought in my mind
that incessant pull like a veil torn
all the way to the final curtain.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

“Become the change you seek in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" David Livingstone

Presents of Presence

2009-09-04T03:26:00.000-07:00

nine years of teaching in the public schools
a calling to sprint underwater
conduct an orchestra in handcuffs
or tie my shoes with my teeth
and, oddly enough, I loved it.
Even more astonishing, I was beginning to miss it
those metamorphosis moments

springboarding from my simple love for them
those wide eyes that finally get that they matter to someone
those beaming grins after the blank paper is filled
Then I snap out of the little misty daydreams
and find myself sitting in a puddle of guilt
painting pictures of Egypt after arriving in the Promised Land
So once again You came along
with another gift I didn't know I needed.
1 class, 18 students, and a breathless freedom to speak of You
Nine years of censoring myself

square peg round hole to to fit into the fragmented box of law
dancing with euphemisms like a monkey in a hat
An alternate universe
Where the power of the Holy Spirit was just their "conscience"
when Mt. Sinai's stone tablets
were buried more like tombstones as "morals to the story"
Christ figure characters imprisoned by "Protagonist" boxes
Epic parable allusions boiled down to "literary devices"
and the greatest story and theme of all time
was left unsaid, untaught, and raging inside me.
And those after-class conversations when I slipped,
couldn't help msyelf, broke the rules and mentioned You
only led to a trip to the Principal's office
and a peach-colored warning sheet I had to sign.
Me, the straight A good girl, somehow the new rebel in school.
Nine years of teaching in a straight jacket.
Until now
This one class at a Christian College,
when the duct tape comes off the mouth
the straight jacket untied, unbelted, removed
You're no longer the elephant in the room
but the subject of the study
intermingled and touching everything
like fall campus winds or long stringy spaghetti
when I can hold the Bible like a pop-up book stage
where Your storytelling brilliance finally comes alive
when the true theatre of Your word
meets the fantasy of the stage
in a mind-blowing dance of artful ministry
and I can't help but look up to thank You
for the freedom to speak my mind
a new playground to speak Your heart
for the presents of Your presence
acknowledged, unfettered, and arms out
like dancing in the sun.

"All to often we are giving children cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants."---John W. Gardner

"Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ." Acts 28:31

"Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." Acts 5:42

12 Years Today

2009-08-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

pendulum hammock swings of opposites attract
rolling us to kiss in the sanity in the middle
to meet my high school crush on the college boy
flashback squeeling around the house
writing in my journal to you...
"Dear God, send me a boy LIKE Cody Baker..."
like some 1950's Gidgit apple pie movie
with letter sweaters, going steady and
tailored ponytail perfection
only I didn't fit the flawless Hollywood plastic mold
in my freckled, awkward, ball of nerves bag of bones
so I kept teetering on the edge of my seat
waiting for the movie to end
anticipating the rock in the stomach rejection
like the white knuckled seconds before a crash
but twelve years later, he's still here
determined to raise a family, fix some faucets,
love my flaws, repair a brake leak, increase my laugh lines
and lead us all closer to You.
Our opposites can overheat and boil over
walking off in a huff and propelling deep angry breaths
but in every pendulum swing
every inch of space between
every dizzying sway challenge
our ying and yang will roll to the middle
cradled in our future woven by You
to kiss in the middle of a paradox.

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years." Simone Signoret

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Philippians 2:1-4

"People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' forever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change -not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last... but if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest." C.S. Lewis

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:31-33

"That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger." George Eliot

Where I Come From...

2009-08-09T16:57:00.000-07:00

This hand-me-down quilted kaleidoscope
this legacy of unorthodox saints all marching in
with the spirits of Joe and Dorothy on their knees
bed-side offerings knelt down and lifted up to you
like the sweet aroma of Grandma's roast
Great is Thy Faithfulness to us all
and I am humbled to be planted in such rich soil.
We are dog-eared hymnals and underlined bibles
"Oh Forevermore's" and pink shirt embroidery parades
echoing laughter floating out from above prominent chins
Thursday letters and detailed vacation photo captions
doxology melodies that link our hands, hearts and voices to You
we are quirky barber-shop-quartet-loving, piano-playin',
puppeteering, RV missionaries on the move,
We are teachers, preachers, counselors, soldiers,
truck-drivers, nurses, social workers, speakers, listeners
and forever students of life
We come to You from Germany and Kansas, Korea and Ohio
Puerto Rico and Florida, Indiana and Abu Dhabi,
From Tennessee, Illinois, Alabama, Connecticut
and wherever You call us from or send us to.
Our gestures are animated. Our voices are loud.
We have weird jokes, loud whistles, and wide grins.
We love puzzles, planning, and playing instruments,
We jump into silly card, token, dice, domino board games
only to be together and not keep score
All three sons now married 50 plus years
hand me down legacy of marriage the way You meant it to be
Slide shows and talent shows
5 minute skits that make us giggle and sniff
Tiny dogs that fit in bags and red trucks as big as Texas
And from test results for both young and old
that make us hold each other
a little longer and a little tighter
An expanding faith enclosed in our embraces
and choosing to trust Your love in our worry
with that misty picture of Joe and Dorothy
on their knees and in our hearts.
And we choose to offer this gift of family
back up to You
the root of our ever-growing family tree.

"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. " ~George Eliot

"He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly." Acts 10:2

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." ~Desmond Tutu

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."Joshua 24:15

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."
~Erma Bombeck

"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." Proverbs 1:8

“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” George Bernard Shaw

A B See's

2009-08-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

That phrase is still ringing in my ears
"Mommy, I know you're probably going to say no to this, but...."
Her new favorite way of asking me for things
as if I'm that meanie mommy
hoarding all her glittery wishes
in my stingy matronly apron pocket
like a crotchety old school marm
complete with hunchback, hairy moles, and a permanent scowl
Doesn't she know I'd gladly offer my life for hers?
Can't she see the immense love I have for her
that spills out in little drops of joy when I watch her sleep?
That I look for new ways to bless her every day
Doesn't she know the "no's" come with intention to save her?
To keep her from the indulgent plague of a spoiled child?
To protect her from the lies of this world that parade as truth
tempting children with their colorful carney ways?
I wish I could help her understand
break it down into little chewable pieces
like cutting her steak for her.
And then I hear You whisper
A truth that knocks the wind out of me--
Four years of trying for a second baby
Forty-eight months of no's
The elephant in the prayer room
and I'm beginning to see
myself in my little girl's pouty swagger
And I can hear Your voice in my questions to her
"Can't You see the immense love I have for you?
That I look for new ways to bless you every day?
Can't you see the "no's" come with intention to save you?
Don't You know I'd gladly offer my life for Yours?"
And You did.
My little girl's voice comes in again
"Mommy, I know you're probably going to say no to this, but..."
(sigh)
And I hear You one last time
that still, small voice whisper
"Sometimes, that's how you pray."

Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20

"We want to know not how we should pray if we were perfect but how we should pray being as we are now....It is no use to ask God with factitious earnestness for A when our whole mind is in reality filled with the desire for B. We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us..." C.S. Lewis. Letters to Malcom, Chiefly on Prayer

"Prayers are not always--in the crude, factual sense of the word--'granted.' This is not because prayer is a weaker kind of causality, but because it is a stronger kind. When it 'works' at all it works unlimited by space and time. that is why God has retained a discretionary power of granting or refusing it; except on that condition prayer would destroy us, It is not unreasonable for a headmaster to say "Such and such things you may do according to the fixed rules of this school. But such and such other things are too dangerous to be left to general rules. If you want to do them you must come and make a request and talk over the whole matter with me in my study. And then--we'll see." C.S. Lewis, God in the Dock

"Prayer is a request. The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of the finite and fooolish creatures, of course He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable 'success' in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic--a power in certain human beings to control, or compel the course of nature." C.S. Lewis, The World's Last Night

"Wouldn't He know without being asked?" said Polly.

"I've no doubt He would," said the Horse..." But I've sort of the idea he likes to be asked."

C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

Coal Kisses

2009-07-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

I hear You calling me
into dangerous prayers
No more bless me's
give me's
help me's
and sooth me prayers.
I may not be ready, but it's time.
Burn me
Break me
Send me
Mold me
into what You had in mind all along.
make me uncomfortable
wide-eyed to any pride
face down at Your feet
crackling in that fiery peace
dancing ribbon flames
like waving arms to praise You
a soothing fever rock
from the scorching blaze
And send me coal kisses with wings
to wake me up.

"Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!""
Isaiah 6: 6-8

"Can't sleep. An angel wants to burn my lips with coal. I must count the cost....Here am I! Send me!... Make me a man of prayer! Put power in my words. Your word is powerful! Make your word my word, make your power my power. I want to be God's voice, full of love, mercy and fire!...I don't want greatness. I want you to be great! Lower me down. Humble me. Teach me to humble myself, O Lord!" From the Journal of Keith Green, Entry March 1979

"And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
I feel lonely without hope
I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird
And my heart burns for you"
"Obsession" song by Delirious (Cutting Edge, 1995)

"The people who suffer from arrogance don't know it... Pride will block your vision like nothing else. It'll make you a blind man or a blind woman... but the Holy Spirit can reveal truth to you that you could never see on your own. He knows you better than you know yourself...God, we open up ourselves to You now. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear. God empty us of our pride, so we can receive the flood of mercy you give to those who fear You."
Rob Wegner, "The Arrogance Trap" sermon July 15-16-2009

Nous Dansons

2009-07-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

"The Dance of Life" Edvard Munch (1899-1900)

The tempos often change

and the music shifts without warning

from the quick steps of the Cha Cha

to the smooth glide of waltz

a few moments in the smirkin' bounce of hip hop

to the jazzy-grinned kicks of swing

from the firm embrace of the tango

to the breezy sway of the hula side by side

the clickety clack of precision tap

to the battling paso-doble of questions

light on our toes jive in the morning

to the foot-dragging merengue of the afternoon

through every beat, every crescendo

every heart-pounding bridge

Your hold never weakens

Your lifts never fall

and even though sometimes I want to,

I promise to let You lead.

"God is not a static thing--not even a person--but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance...The whole dance, or drama, or pattern of this three-Personal life is to be played out in each one of us...each one of us has got to enter that pattern, take his place in that dance." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Then maidens will dance and be glad,

young men and old as well.

I will turn their mourning into gladness;

I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Jeremiah 31:13

"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still posess." Martin Luther

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven...
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1,4

Windy Day

2009-06-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

There are days when it feels like the wind is helping me along
adding a little pep to my step
brushing my hair from my face
whistling happy soundtrack tunes
and making everything dance to the sway of the trees.
Then there are those days when a failure gust knocks me down
resisting my efforts to crawl forward
smearing the salty drops on my cheeks
deafening my thoughts like a rumbling train
and tearing leaves to throw them far from their branchy homes.
Those days where this wishy washy unpredictable snaking breeze
longs to live like the sun
where everyone needs me
I never let them down
and always show up on time
when I can persuade the buds to blossom
and shine to make them all look a little brighter.
But that's Your job.
So on these leaf-tearing, mind-blowing windy days
I'll lean against the wind
letting the dead leaves fly free
to make room for the buds you have in mind
and just hold on
digging my roots into You.

"The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up in each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"..if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, 'How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me?'...as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you...but the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearies by our sins, or our indifference; a therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him...The battle is between faith and reason on one side and emotion and imagination on the other...You find out the strength of the wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down...We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

"If you are suffering from a bad man's injustice, forgive him lest there be two bad men."
St. Augustine of Hippo

"He that demains mercy, and shows none, ruins the bridge over which he himself is to pass." Thomas Adams

“Although it’s true that there are times when we are merely bystanders in life’s ever-ending stream of head-on collisions, rarely are we completely innocent. More often than not, we do something to contribute to the problem’s we’re experiencing. People who are the best at dialogue understand this simple fact and turn it into the principle “Work on me first.” They realize that not only are they likely to benefit by improving their own approach, but also that they’re the only person they can work on anyway. As much as others may need to change, or we may want them to change, the only person we can continually inspire, prod, and shape - with any degree of success - is the person in the mirror." Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

Words of Wonder

2009-06-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

Four Words from Granger Community on Vimeo.

we have a secret, don't we...
like a wink no one else sees
or the sticky candy-flavored secrets
whisper in telephone playground games
but I'm afraid if I tell them the truth
they'll misunderstand
and walk away annoyed and confused
like when a really skinny chick gets a compliment
but rolls her eyes and complains about her thighs
somehow cheapening her beauty
so maybe I'll just smile and say thank you
and keep our little secret
the ethereal truth that might only creep them out
after all, theophanies only happen in the bible
but the secrets bubbling up and steaming like a geyser
and there it is
the bursting truth that
sometimes it's not really writing
it's dictation
like transcribing a dream
But when I wake up everyone's singing my praises
telling me how smart and talented I am
while I wipe my sleepy eyelids and stutter,
clumsily trying to interject the naked truth
like a man lost at sea who passed out in a cushiony raft
and got home to read the epic headlines
of his thousand mile swim
I want to argue
all I did was ask for Your help
craving what You wanted them to know
our little sticky secret
that I'm not really that intelligent
that I'm not that great of a writer
just a girl lost in a sea of wonder
learning how to listen to You.

"When you own that you are God's beloved and not people's property, it will free you up as an artist in a way that sets others free. And through this freedom, the character of who God is will be finally and freely revealed."
Efrem Smith, "Worship of the Beloved"
Toward Wonder: Willow Creek Arts Conference '09

"Wonder is the basis of worship. When we, as artists, live in a state of wonder ourselves, then we are better able to usher others into the presence of a wonderful God."
Nancy Beach, "Toward Wonder" Willow Creek Arts Conference '09

"Therefore once more I will astound these people
with wonder upon wonder;
the wisdom of the wise will perish,
the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish." Isaiah 29: 14

Summer Night

2009-06-03T04:12:00.001-07:00

summer from eyemotion on Vimeo.

Wind Chimes clink

Water balloons in the kitchen sink

Porch swings where eyelids sink

Pink Lemonade to drink

More time to stop and think

In the Spirit of the Summer.

Hopscotch on sidewalk chalk

Riding bikes around the block

Lawn chairs for long talks

Come on in, no need to knock

Forgetting about the clock

In the Spirit of the Summer

Lean down to feed the swans

No televisions on
Lots of smiling yawns

Lush clover carpet lawn

No agenda agreed upon

In the Spirit of Summer

Nature serenading You

Gentle birds coo coo

Beaches sunset hue

Fluffy White against the blue

I look up to say “thank you”

For the Spirit of Summer.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.”

Sir J. Lubbock

Stepping Stones

2009-05-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

without Your story, it's just a silent stone in a pocket
clandestine power veiled and caressed by their fingertips
like poetry cradling hidden meanings
nestled in a knitted hammock sling like a Fathers arms
giving secret life like the sun on a greenhouse roof
a pocket size reminder of your colossal love
something to hold in the palms of their hands
reminding their minds and hearts to cling to You
again or for the very first time
and I pray they hold on tight
not to a quick fix
a temporary high
some euphoric picture
of harps and cherubs
not to some pasted happy face smile
some whitewash cover that will fade
but to the new stepping stone reality of You
right there next to them in the thick of it
because even though they're different on Sunday
Monday is coming like a whining, rumbling train
that churning locomotive "all aboard!" inevitability
back to the same cluttered, argumentative homes
the same itchy, irritable workplaces and sticky red tape
the same four walled cells on the calendar routine
the same catch in their lower backs or aching knees
And I pray they can feel You with them
carrying them along like a stone in Your pocket
remembering little David looking up at a giant
a new sense of purpose
a new way to love their families
a new way to see their coworkers
there's work to be done
and the body of Christ just got a little stronger
bearing all those burdens and
weight-lifting all those stones
leading us on the same path as Stephen and Paul
who felt the impact of the stones of opposition
and following the stone the builders rejected
that became the cornerstone
who stood between all of us and a bucket of stones
a line in the sand, daring the blameless to cast the first one
and especially celebrating that third day
when the stone was rolled away
And that is just the smooth surface
of the hidden pocketed power
of those little stepping stones.

"As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe, "The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone. " 1 Peter 2: 4-7

"Every addition to that body enables Him to do more. If you want to help those outside you must add your own little cell to the body of Christ who alone can help them. Cutting off a man's fingers would be an odd way of getting him to do more work." C.S. Lewis , Mere Christianity

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good... I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8: 26-28, 38-39 (Msg)

"... the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God...the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because he loves us; just as the roof of a green house does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it..." C.S. Lewis , Mere Christianity

Chutes and Ladders

2009-05-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm bruised in the smooth, slick setbacks

dragging me down to fatigue at the bottom of the board

never really enjoying the ladders for fear of the next slide

but maybe I should just play like Lauren

knowing I'm meant to reach the top eventually

high-fiving all my fellow cardboard standup friends

and sailing down with my hands raised to You

Wheeeeeeee!

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” Thomas Merton

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Melt

2009-04-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

We've become an icy generation
frozen opinions wrapped in newspapers and online forums
Noisy arctic winds stinging our rosy ears
and caressing our pride smooth as glass
frosty voices hissing humanity's biting independence
and we stand tall to hide our shivering
jaws clenched to resist our chattering teeth
while the world continues to hammer
chipping and cracking
breaking and shattering
piece by piece

But Your springtime is always waiting
tiny buds awaiting the end to frosty hibernation
Subtle breezes crinkling in the leather-bound, gold-tipped pages
and melting our hearts, balmy with new life
Warm worship melodies singing our sunshine dependence
and we kneel at Your feet to give up our glacial ways
arms up to reach the toasty glow of surrender
while You bend down to envelop us in Your embrace
melting and nourishing
healing and soothing
peace by peace

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." C.S. Lewis

"I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16 (Msg)

A Week of Lessons: Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T03:38:00.000-07:00

my 30 Easters with You

reveal an emerging and quirky story

of how Your bold steps out of an empty tomb

pulled my slow, shy steps out of the shadows

from paralyzed fear and dragging heals to a dance of joy in sun

that first Easter was a snapshot of a nine month old baby

probably sleeping on the floor behind the organ

is some frilly Easter pastels and patten leather

tiny eyes peeking at mommy's feet on the peddles

and hearing daddy's voice lead the congregation in a lullaby hymn

five years later you'd see a bubbly pig-tailed grin

under a white floppy hat with matching purse

skipping from one white-haired lady to another

for "oohs and awes" at my twirling dress

and some free bubble gum fished out of purses

a princess in a steepled castle

and the pews were my playground

but something happened in those next years

a hole in the story where the process is blocked out

like a blurred face or bout with amnesia

the music shifts for that 12th Easter

like that pulsing heartbeat screechy violin in a horror movie

as the victim's hand shakes and reaches for a doorknob

maybe it was a new city, new career for dad, new everything

knocking awkward knees hidden under a guise of invisible

layered in dull colors of grays and tans

back row of the church, singing harmony in a whisper

feeling a ball of ice in my throat that could melt into tears

if I didn't keep swallowing and keep my face hidden in the pages

a simple shyness let loose into a Tasmanian devil

of anxiety that sewed the lips shut

brought on chest pains and doubled-over stomach aches

and asked mom and dad to order for me at restaurants

but I ran to You in my diary prayers

in the safety of my messy bedroom

and jumped inside elaborate costumes

in the safety of a fantasy stage

and You started something new, something bigger

than a hand-me-down truth from mom and dad.

Zooming through the sands of time to today

sitting at my desk, grinning with peace, surrounded by people

as I listen to the team I love celebrating You

6 services, lots of fingerfoods, good conversations & skip-bo,

dancing a dance once again like that five year old princess

or an uncivilized king who wrote a few poems himself

trying to ignore those old fears that try to steal it all away again

but then You remind me of that evolving story of our Easter dance

from too scared to order at restaurants

to leading a team of superstars

only You...

I can't wait to see what You have in mind for my little girl

and all her Easters to come

I wonder what Your steps out of that tomb

will lead her to

and I hope she'll share with me

those secret anniversaries of her heart

her own private holy days with You

for this Easter

and many more to come.

"The holiest of holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart: the secret anniversaries of the heart." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"For the devout Jew, the calendar was more the a way of marking time. It provided a timely way to commemorate God's dealings in the life of the nation. The month of Nisan marked the Passover, the time of Israel's deliverance from Egyptian bondage. Sivan brought the feast of Pentecost, the celebration of another bountiful harvest from God. Tishri took the people back to their wilderness wanderings through the Feast of the Tabernacles. Each holiday became a holy day--a time of recalling, repenting, and renewing old commitments to follow the God of Israel. Holidays really can be holy days. The word holy means set apart for divine services or purposes. Our modern calendar can remind us as believers to commemorate what God has done for us."

Lenya Heitzig and Penny Rose, Live Fearlessly

"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives."2 Corinthians 5:17-19 (Msg)

A Week of Lessons: Good Friday

2009-04-10T02:40:00.000-07:00

2000 years ago time stopped for a moment
and all our children know is a day out of school
a foreshadowed glimpse at a truth too big
for their tiny hands to hold just yet
like trying to reach something on a high shelf
and all you can do is yell for mommy
or wait to grow taller
reading this chapter reads more like a scary story
torn flesh, nails crushing through bones,
crowd-screaming earthquakes, dead people rising from the grave,
a love letter written in blood
it's hard for them to see why it is called
Good Friday
she can read a simple 3 letter word
but "sin" isn't really chewable when you're six
I try to make it bigger than stickers on a chart
allowance for chores
and consequences for missteps in the 5th commandment
attempting to cut it down into smaller pieces
and hoping the puzzle comes together on it's own
she can't feel the darkness of today
that illuminates the light of Sunday
she can't know what that torn curtain in the temple
means to the soul of her parents and grandparents
For now, the cross is a symbol she loves to call out
like seeing a picture of her best friend
on some random billboard on vacation
"Hey, they know Jesus too!" she cries, waving frantically
while strange, hesitant smiles peek out car windows
or hide under tall steeples on the highway
so much life in her eyes from Your symbol of death
an arm stretched up to that top shelf on tiptoe
but she still can't quite reach it yet
and all I can do is call to You
and wait for her to grow taller

"Learn to know Christ and him crucified. Learn to sing to him, and say, 'Lord Jesus, you are my righteousness, I am your sin. You have taken upon yourself what is mine and given me what is yours. You have become what you were not so that I might become what I was not.'" Martin Luther

"God offers life, but not an improved old life. The life He offers is life out of death. It always stands at the far side of the cross." A.W. Tozer

"God didn't send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what he has done, collecting a following for him. And he didn't send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words." 1 Corinthians 1:17

A Week of Lessons: Maundy Thursday

2009-04-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

John 13 never gets old

like a movie I could watch over and over again

with a blanket and a bag of popcorn

but it's never the same twice

that day You wrapped a towel around Your waist

and shocked 12 men and the world

with your moment of upside down leadership

a King kneeling at the feet of his subjects

and I just didn't want her to miss it

the warm water enveloping our feet

Your monument in our hearts

celebrated in our reaching hands

and Your gentle touch in our patting towels

and I'm praying it's a little drop of rain

in the ocean of faith You have in mind for her

teaching me to be content

that for now

it's just a little bowl

for now....

John 13
Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet

1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.[a]
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

A Week of Lessons: Palm Sunday

2009-04-05T05:20:00.000-07:00

"I want to make a palm branch, Mommy"
she said with determination in her eyes
and green construction paper in her hands
lessons from Miss Sheila still swirling in her mind
but her hands needed something to remember it by
"And I want to make a sign"
I could see she had been to Jerusalem
in the time travel machine of her imagination
and she didn't think You saw her in the crowd
and I can't help but grin for the day she finds You found her
"It has to be big and bold!"
scribbling through 4 markers that didn't make the cut
too light, too thin, too faded, too pink,
until she landed on a solid, bold brown
like the cross coming heavy on Friday
"Maybe I should make two!"
She was resolved to catch Your gaze from that donkey
tongue out to the side as she sounded out the words
white fingertips as she held the paper steady
adding a smiley face for visual effect
"Nope, three would be even better!"
And I can't help but think of three days,
three times denied, Abrham , Issac and Jacob,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit
but she's not even content with Your number of completion
"Oh, I forgot the last one!"
her pursed lips slide to the side
her gaze is vacant as she searches for the perfect words
she begins to plan for enough space for all her letters
and I can't help but thank You for this
little monument of praise
Your triumphant entry
moving from my little girl's mind
out to her fingertips
up to You
and from her heart to mine
As I read the finished product
correcting the spelling in my teacher head
but secretly loving every mistake in my silence
I can't help but praise You
through my little girls words
"hosanna, hosanna, hosanna, hosanna to the king
We love You, Lord (smiley face)
Hail to the King (Beating Heart)
I love you with all of my heart, with all my strength"
I take a few sapshots
like 12 stones by the Jordan
and I can't think of a better way
to begin this Holy week

When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it. Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields. Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted, "Hosanna!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!" "Hosanna in the highest!" Mark 11:7-10

"It may feel like you can't choose your desires, but you can always choose your worship." Jason Miller, Palm Sunday 2009, Granger Community Church

"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom." Henry Ward Beecher

"Let your home be your parish, your little brood your congregation, your living room a sanctuary, and your knee a sacred altar." Billy Graham

Lunch Date with Fear

2009-04-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

Fear talks too much

and most of the time I just sit and listen

fist under my chin, nodding from time to time

false token smiles so he feels like he's making sense

trying to be polite and endure him until the check comes

but in the opportunity of my silence

his pitch starts to sound appealing

all my life he's been hissing in my ear

but I invited You to come along today

for my lunch date with fear

You have a better proposal for both of us

and we haven't even ordered yet.

My uncivillized elbows jump and land on the table

as I lean forward to listen to only You

The more he interrupts,

the less sense he begins to make.

You model patience in your relaxed posture of peace

because You know he's meant for You alone.

And I think I just caught You winking at me....

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"God gives power to the faint...Courage is not the absence of fear but the presence of faith despite it." Lenya Heitzig and Penny Rose, Living Fearlessly: A Study in the Book of Joshua

"Shame arises from the fear of men, conscience from the fear of God." Samuel Johnson

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." C.S. Lewis

Marilyn's Dishes

2009-03-17T09:19:00.001-07:00

If Jesus were a grandma,
I think he might be mine.
Humility and royalty
and love all intertwined.
Maybe that’s why we love
her stoic Queen Marilyn look
And marvel at her silent focus
in cross word puzzle books.
There are times I can’t help but see her
in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,
Quick glimpses of her spirit,
like a lightbulb flickering off and on
When Jesus wrapped that towel around his waist
and knelt to wash their feet
That’s where Grandma’s gentle hands
and quiet wisdom meet
In every song, if you listen close
you can hear her servant heart sing
But you won’t find her out onstage,
you’ll have to go back in the wings.
Or maybe in the kitchen
before the production of the family meal
Or at the bedside with a sick child
in the spot where she bent to kneel.
She calmed the stormy family seas
with toddlers and teenagers both
She loved and led her children well
through every stage of growth
She may not have healed the lame
or made the blind to see
But she was there with Band-aids and a magic kiss
for every scrape and skinned knee
Our family has plenty of talkers,
but her few words are always loaded with truth
And even now at eighty years young
she exudes the beauty of youth.
But the times when I see her the brightest
are when Jesus told his stories
Epic tales, parables with seeds
and woven metaphors that bring You glory.
My favorite story we always heard
was the one about Marilyn’s dishes
A little town called West Plains Missouri,
and a five year old’s Christmas wishes
It was the time of Steinbeck novels,
they’d lost all the animals on the farm,
But little Marilyn’s faith never wavered,
the town delighted by her hope-filled charm,
“My dishes will be here this Christmas”
she said in a Princess Marilyn stance
In a time when many dragged their feet,
little Marilyn was in a twirling dance
“Now don’t get your hopes up, Marilyn”
Thelma warned in her serious Mama voice
Secretly wishing she could find some way,
and knowing she had no choice
The town was sad that Christmas Eve
for Marilyn’s dream was quite well known
But much like the Jews that first Christmas Eve,
they didn’t know You had a plan of Your own.
Aunt Laura was the only one in the town
who didn’t seem to know the tale
And had no idea the hope she’d bring
with that box of toy dishes for sale.
Princess Marilyn was not at all surprised
and wondered why everyone was dumbfounded
But hope filled the town with this small miracle
that left them all astounded.
That little set of dishes was the just first of many
that she would carefully place
And there’s an open seat for everyone at her table
just like her open embrace.
Her dishes may have changed over the years,
for children will take care of that
But when everyone else is a thermometer,
Grandma is the thermostat
Steady and calm, keeping us cool
in each and every season
Listening to her daughters' complaining
even when there was no reason
Surviving her boys' many injuries,
broken bones and bloody noses,
And we have a feeling that life with Bob
wasn’t always a bed of roses.
But in all the ups and downs of marriage,
Her company was always preferred,
And as she shared on a walk with Mom one day,
she never doubted his love for her.
Much like her dishes, Grandma loves
providing delicious meals,
Silently listening to everyone else talk
about how everyone else feels.
But she never complained
or carried her chores like a heavy duty
But lightly carried all our doxology prayers
on the shoulders of her alto beauty.
Many a sweet honey ham or a juicy roast
have been devoured on those dishes and table
And even if that story in West Plains Missouri
evolves into an old fable
Those of us who know her well
know forgetting her could never occur
And if Jesus could be someone’s dishes,
I think he’d be one of hers.

Happy 80th Birthday, Grandma. We love you.

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." Mark 9:35

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15b

"A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt." - Woodrow T. Wilson

Kol Yahweh Collage

2009-03-10T13:33:00.001-07:00

the faded rectangle above the mantle
once held the Mona Lisa
as I imagined Your dedication to one subject alone
romantic, wobbly mommy-shoe-walking dreams
of me as the heroine in my own story
when I thought you were painting me
all alone in my frightening plainness
but as the years passed by
sun-faded walls decaying secretly
too slow for my fast footsteps to notice
my own child shooting up like sunflowers
long before Monet's golden vase
a pigtailed girl trapped in an unknown portrait
of a befuddled, purse-toting grownup
who still can't walk in heels
like Bambi on that first day of spring
But as the seasons keep me dizzy with their spinning

and my little girl takes an afternoon off

into the world of paper possibilities
I'm beginning to glimpse
what you might have meant for the mantle all along
a collage
a bunch of scraps found on sidewalks
old magazines on their way to the recycling plant
and even some waste already tossed aside
and only You can see the beauty
before the scissors and paste
bring us all together
but there are those days at the office
when I feel more like a speck you should brush off
than a bright spot in the mystery room we squint to see
a critic urging you to rip me off
before the glue dries and I leave a fuzzy paper flaw
admiring my larger, more colorful colleagues
the odd one out, the awkward silence,
the rolled eyes of relief when I leave the room
the only pink freckle in a beautiful mosaic
of cool blues, indigos, and greens
and that's when You press me down
blow a gentle, honey breath to dry me in place
cock your head to the side with an upturned smile
urging me to rethink beauty
and trust in Your scissor plan
in a steady hand
to find joy in my small part
in Your beautiful
collage.

"Business meetings should be viewed as worship services. Available facts can be presented and discussed, all with a view to listening to the voice of Christ. Facts are only one aspect of the decision-making process and in themselves are not conclusive. The Spirit can lead contrary to or in accordance with the available facts. God will implant a spirit of unity when the right path has been chosen and trouble us with restlessness when we have not heard correctly. Unity rather than majority rule is the principle to corporate guidance. Spirit-given unity goes beyond mere agreement. It is the perception that we have heard the Kol Yahweh, the voice of God."
Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good... The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.
Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," ...But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other."

1 Corinthians 12: 4-7, 12-15, 22-25 (NIV)

Foreshadowing You

2009-03-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

Some call You a conspiracy
A made up tale of false hope
An overplayed version of a nice guy story
But all we have to do is go back
To those who were always looking forward.
foreshadowing You
Every branch and knot on the family tree
All the way back to the great Flood
“ …the account of Shem, Ham and Japheth, Noah's sons, who themselves had sons after the flood.” Genesis 10:1
The first of many promises to come
For Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
“…all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” Genesis 22:18
For the tribe of Judah
“The scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler's staff from between his feet…” Genesis 49:10
From the root of Jesse
“In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him…” Isaiah 11:10
Of the House of David
“Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.' "2 Samuel 7:12-16
Micah predicted the setting
“But you, Bethlehem…out of you will come for me
one who will be ruler over Israel…” Micah 5:2
Isaiah foretold the miracle
The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.” Isaiah 7:14
Even a cousin who prepared the way
“A voice of one calling:"In the desert prepare the way for the LORD…” Isaiah 40:3
Many more told us of the unexpected timing
“From the issuing of the decree to restore and rebuild Jerusalem until the Anointed One, the ruler, comes…” Daniel 9:25-26
The magic in Your hands
“Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.” Isaiah 35:5-6
The power of Your words
"...to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”Isaiah 61:1
The why behind the what before it even happened
"to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:3
Even the paths You would tread
“…he will honor Galilee of the Gentiles, by the way of the sea, along the Jordan” Isaiah 9:1
And Your unlikely mode of transportation
"See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.”Zechariah 9:9
Your anger in the temple
“…the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," Malachi 3:1
The slap in Your loving face
"The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone.” Psalm 118:22
And David foretold those intimate thoughts,
all alone,
yet with each of us
and the rest of the world on Your shoulders
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Psalm 22:1
But like many of us, they skewed Your image,
Anxiously awaiting a political king,
a war hero who would free them from Roman rule
Blinded by their anger,
they fulfilled the final prophecies
Right down to the smallest of details
Of that fateful week…
A friend’s betrayal
“Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.” Psalm 41:9
For 30 pieces of silver
"I told them, 'If you think it best, give me my pay; but if not, keep it.' So they paid me thirty pieces of silver." Zechariah 11:12
Your silence before the accusers
“He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.” Isaiah 53:7
The soldiers mocking voices
“All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads” Psalm 22: 7-8
The beatings like a mask of wounds
“…his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man
and his form marred beyond human likeness…” Isaiah 52: 14
Your eyes steady as they spit in Your face
“I did not hide my face from mocking and spitting.” Isaiah 50: 6
When they pierced Your hands and feet
“…they have pierced my hands and my feet.” Psalm 22:16
Your plea for my forgiveness
“For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.” Isaiah 53:12
Even that bitter drink.
“They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.”
Psalm 69:21
And the greedy soldiers betting against You
“They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.” Psalm 22:18
But the prophecies didn’t stop there
And neither did You.
3 days later
3 more predictions fulfilled
3 promises even bigger than
that rainbow after the flood,
Abraham’s star-filled sky,
and Solomon’s riches
3 days later
1 empty tomb
“…you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.” Psalm 16:10
1 heavenly ascent
When you ascended on high, you led captives in your train” Psalm 68:18
1 seat at the right hand of the Father
"The LORD says to my Lord: "Sit at my right hand” Psalm 110:1
A new covenant
“an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love…I have made him a leader and commander of the peoples.”Isaiah 55:3-4
A divine conspiracy
“the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5
And the ultimate promise kept
“I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel…I will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:31-34
the promise that when we come to die
we find Jesus there
arms wide open
calling us to come and die
so we can finally
truly
live.

The White Flag

2009-02-28T04:15:00.000-08:00

Mr. Clark did not like my answer
so he flipped his fuzzy, hippy ponytail

behind his shoulder and clarified his question

in his best Art teacher whose patience is being tried voice
"No, Krissy, white is the absence of color.

So what is really your favorite color?"

I was taking a stand

my white-turning gray-Keds firmly planted

"White."

I looked down at the sticky, paint-freckled floor as I said it.

Wincing in hopes he wasn't angry with me.

He sighed with more Tornado coffee breath than usual

"Today's assignment deals with color.

You'll need to settle for something on your pallette

and capture the essence of a real object in our world.

I do not want to have to repeat myself again, young lady."

My 5th grade brain ran the hamster on the wheel

and wanted to ask for black paper and white paint

But it was a losing battle, so I nodded like a white flag waving.

I sighed as I swirled my brush between red and blue

and carefully painted the outline of a fluffy cloud

but in my heart I knew it wasn't about the purple lining...

white gloves with white pearl handled purses at Easter

White hymnal pages guiding us in "I Surrender All"

white daises, fresh linen pillowcases, dove soap bubble baths,

the white carpet in the living room when we removed shoes

to be standing on Mom's holy ground

lying in the grass making stories of white-horse heroes

from the cumulus canopies of cottonball possibilities

the white wig of my first transformation on the stage

into Huckleberry Finn's widow caretaker

the white tiped canes and white trimmed hats of dance

prom dress to wedding gown

and on to little white onesies snapping open

for a quick change back to clean, dry,

and powdered to perfection

but my favorite

the truth behind my all-time favorite color

or, according to Mr. Clark, lack thereof

that little white rabbit

I'll never stop chasing

the day I surrendered my life to You

and I will wave that white flag

each and every morning

as I surrender all

to You.

"Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I

Whereby Thy grace to claim,

I’ll wash my garments white

In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb."

(John T. Grape, "Jesus Paid it All" hymn, 1865)

"All to Jesus I surrenderAll to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him,

In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;

All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all."

(Judson VandeVenter,"I Surrender All"hymn, 1896)

"Faith, as Paul saw it, was a living, flaming thing leading to surrender and obedience to the commandments of Christ." A.W. Tozer

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1

The Boy on the Bus

2009-02-19T04:13:00.000-08:00

now I know how a mother bird feels
that fateful day when those tiny, hopping feet
first fall outside her twiggy circle of safety
teetering on the edge of the branch
stretching their inexperienced wings and looking down
she must be breathless when she first loses sight of them...
but for us humans, it's a slow, hidden ritual
like watching the tree grow
but there are days you notice a new branch beginning
or a new site on the growing horizon
and today was one of those days.
She got off the bus slower than usual
her daily bounce and grin suddenly missing
as if stolen in some violent, unseen moment
and she stepped inside to tell the story.
Four older boys who I envisioned with forked tongues
had hovered over her seat like crows
the ring leader hit her on the back
"Hey, little girl! Do you know what a _________ is?"
He continued with a series of phrases and gestures
I hadn't learned until high school and way past puberty
As the vulgar words and gestures were repeated
by our naive, confused and eternally precious little kindergartener
our hearts slid into our stomaches and we tried to catch our breaths
for me, the tears were immediate,
but I was safely on the other end of the phone
keeping my voice from wavering, my tone calm, my mind racing
with routes to speed up the commute back to the nest
But she could see the anger tightening in her daddy's jawline
as he explained that those words were not meant for her ears
and the boys needed to pay for what they'd done
a noble calling for justice teetering on vengeance in his throat
and then it happened,
You were there in her voice
as she walked over and put her hand on his shoulder
"Daddy, it's ok. I bet there's a nice boy
deep down inside this mean boy
and we should say a prayer that he can come out
and that his momy and daddy can start doing better
at teaching him right from wrong."
And there she was, winging off into the sunlight
carried by the winds of You
as we marveled from the nest.
We can't shelter her from the world
or even from the boy on the bus
but we can trust in You
to help us teach her how to fly.

"Therefore you shall lay up these My words in your minds and hearts and in your entire being, and bind them for a sign upon your hands and as forehead bands between your eyes.
And you shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you rise up.
And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and on your gates,
That your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth."
Deuteronomy 11: 18-21

"To be 'in charge' as a parent means inspiring your children to motivate themselves. Servant leadership addresses the key principle of relationship vs. control. The truth is we have a far greater responsibility to our children than we have for our children. The bottom line is this: You need to be in control of the thing you can control, and that starts with you. I am responsible to my child for how I relate with my child. The only way to retain a position of influence with our children is to regain a positon of control over ourselves."
Ron Craker, "Parenting" Journey Bible Class, February 2009

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that."
Ephesians 5:1-2 (Msg)

Fashionably Late

2009-02-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

"Kissing Cousins" : )

just like her mommy
our little niece has decided to take her time
and arrive fashionably late
with her own dramatic flare
and sweet romantic sensibilities
I look up at my "little" sister
facing the epic bildungsroman of motherhood
and still see a gangly nine year old
walking down the aisle
having arrived just minutes before
with a basket of flower petals
and pins still hidden in her dress
but a joy and bounce in her step
the bridesmaids had all grown out of
and a glowing smile grinning with dreams
they may have envied for a moment
three years later a daddy disappeared
in a hospital waiting room
like a car crash in slow motion
the first of many men to love, bruise, and leave
and the checkered flag was waved
growing up at NASCAR pace
and feeling a little queasy in the passenger's seat
just trying to brace herself for the next turn
the next driver to climb through the window
to love, bruise, and leave
But You had in mind a blessing she couldn't imagine
disguised as a mistaken compromise
all wrapped in pink and waiting for her
to end the spin cycle and rest in You
because it’s easy to see her daughter’s worth it
when she can’t seem to see it in herself
yet she still has that breathless fear of failure
bracing herself for the next romance and rejection
scared little Avery will follow in her footsteps
instead of walking in the truth of You
but the mother hen is pecking at the surface
and calling her back into Your arms
to the cliff's edge of complete trust
the image and reality of the one man
she can lean on
who comes to love, heal, and stay
and she wishes she'd stayed there years ago
but has that joy back in her walk
as she grins all the way to the hospital
baby equipment locked in her car
and You locked in her heart
fashionably late

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:7

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4

Take Five

2009-01-28T04:55:00.001-08:00

"take five!"
the director calls
as our shoulders relax
and our posture sinks
from our characters
to our true selves
some sit for chit chat or pull out phones
to check the modern world for what they missed
during their time in Ancient Athens
others head out for a much-desired cigarette
mixing freezing breath and nicotine in the cold night air
and I look around and think
of how much You must love them
how much You long for companionship
with these colorful characters you've written into the story
this all started with a nudge from You
to pop the bubble and avoid becoming a candle in a lit room
and I daydream of all I could say in those five minutes
they think church is "my thing"
like a new haircut, or my favorite sweater this winter,
like a preferred mix at Starbucks
as if You are a prescription for only my ailments
how do I tell them You're not just my thing?
You're everything.
This ache as if looking at a beautiful sunset
and I turn to share it with someone I love
but I am alone
the beauty somehow lessened by their absence
suddenly aware
they're missing this.
because I remember the days before You found me
where the Bard's words seem to ring true
All the world was a stage
knowing when to be on and off,
a lot of waiting in the wings for the next cue,
trying on beauty and adventure
only two hours at a time
then removing the glimpse of joy and hint of purpose
along with fitted costumes and cake makeup
and all for fleeting 2 minute applause
and a smiling bow.
I ache for the day
they can see beyond the blinding stage lights
sitting in an open cell
a child lost in a store running away from his mother
or someone drowning next to a raft
and they just keep reassuring us
they're excellent swimmers
But eventually, even for Michael Phelps
fatigue will come like a thief in the night
and I wish I could speed up the process
like the dragged out pacing in a slow scene
some spontaneous epic Shakespearean soliloquy
"Once more to the breach!" with a hint of Braveheart bravado
that would save the day and point them all to You
but the last thing they need is more production
they need to grab a hold of something
as real as their names in the folded programs
perhaps they could somehow sense the double entendre
read between the memorized lines
hear my eagerness as I ask to hear their stories
like a magic flower spell that could open their eyes
to see how much we love them
so they can finally, truly
let their postures sink
from their characters to their true selves
and not just for a five minute break
but with You for all eternity
but I know the timing isn't right
so I come to You for stage directions
for our final bow is approaching
and I close my eyes
to welcome our conversations
as I learn to
trust in Your timing and
take five

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot...
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain...
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. "
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2, 5, 7, 10-14

Sheets and Comforter

2009-01-26T02:55:00.000-08:00

5:00am
I hop into prayer

like mom and dad's bed

in a booming thunderstorm

with sheets of rain driving sideways in the wind

And I give this day to You

with its flood of uncertainties

wincing before each loud boom

for I cannot predict the timing

or the intensity of the mystery that shakes the windows

as if an ill-intending intruder pounding to come inside

But You just tuck me in the middle

and begin telling epic stories of David prayers

in the middle of his own storms

as You whisper beneath the comforter of morning orison

reminding me what I already knew

but needed to hear only You say

"No matter what happens. I'm here."

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

so why should I be afraid?

The Lord is my fortress,

protecting me from danger,

so why should I tremble?

...my heart will not be afraid.

Even if I am attacked,

I will remain confident.
The one thing I ask of the Lord—

the thing I seek most—

is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

delighting in the Lord’s perfections

and meditating in his Temple.

For he will conceal me there when troubles come;

he will hide me in his sanctuary.

He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

Then I will hold my head high

I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,

My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”

And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

... the Lord will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O Lord.

Lead me along the right path,

...I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness

while I am here in the land of the living.

Wait patiently for the Lord.

Be brave and courageous.

Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

Psalm 27: 1, 3-6, 8, 10, 11, 13-14

"A man prayed, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he become more and more quiet until in the end he realized that prayer is listening." Soren Kierkegaard, Christian Discourses

"Faith is not when we abandon reality and avoid the cares of the world; faith is when we look reality square in the face. Accepting what is real, we recognize there is a deeper truth beneath that truth. There's a greater truth that transcends that truth--that God cares, that God has a plan. God cares about your life, your future, your fortune. God cares about your dreams. God made you with a purpose, on purpose, for a purpose, and God is with you." Mark Beeson "I Think We Might Lose Everything" sermon Jan. 24-25, 2009

"Jesus taught us to come like children to a father. Openness, honesty and trust mark the communication of children with their father...There is an intimacy between parents and children that has room for both seriousness and laughter...Jesus taught us to pray for daily bread. Have you ever noticed that children ask for lunch in utter confidence that it will be provided? They have no need to stash away today's sandwiches for fear there will be none tomorrow. As far as they are concerned, there is an endless supply of sandwiches." Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

The Tour

2009-01-12T17:23:00.001-08:00

Worship causes memory loss,
like a sight-seeing trip on a charter bus
we fly through the beauty of the countryside
or crane our necks, wide-mouthed at the lights of the city
forgetting the carpet stains back in our living rooms
because we haven't stepped over them today
all we see is the Grand Canyon, the Rockies carving out the horizon
forgetting the arguments, tasks to do,
and new anxieties teetering in our minds like a tour of glasses,
but for those moments, for that hour,
all we know is we're sailing through the glory of You
and all we can do is sing, weep, dance, smile,
maybe raise a hand or two
in our little efforts to thank You.
Think of how much we'd miss if we only watched the driver
observing his mad skills behind the wheel
noting his fervent commitment to speed limits and traffic laws
asking about the bus itself and all it's gadgetry
thinking if only we had a bus of our own, think of all we could do...
it would break the poor drivers heart
because his job is to help us forget he's even there
and enjoy the ride.
And he loves his job.
All too often this is what we do in the modern church
when we try to fit our You-appointed worship leaders
in little rock star boxes complete with twisty ties
and cool outfits from the Buckle
And after a year and half of backstage passes
watching them pray, laugh, live, and plot each new destination
I know it would break their hearts.
Because they know there's only one
true Worship Leader
and they're just a guided tour.
And they love their jobs.
Thank You for choosing this amazing group of guys
who's talents would merit fame, fortune,
and their own private tour buses with hot tubs and mini-bars
but who choose to role up their sleaves and get behind the wheel
to cause memory loss so we can enjoy the ride,
who live souled out for you
carrying joy and authentic faith in their pockets
right next to the guitar picks and some clinking coins,
driving us into a forgetful beauty
that leaves us forever changed
by the glory of You.

"Go, praying. Go, expecting. Go, looking for God to do a new and living work in you . . . look forward to God acting and moving and teaching and wooing and winnning . . . Just as worship begins in holy expectancy, it ends in holy obedience. If worship does not propel us into greater obedience, it has not been worship. To stand before the Holy One of eternity is to change. . . Today God is call his church back to worship. It's as if God is saying 'I want the hearts of my people back!' And if we long to go where God is going and do what God is doing, we will move into deeper, more authentic worship. . . Genuine worship has only one Leader, Jesus Christ. When I speak of Jesus as the Leader of worship, I mean, first of all, that he is alive and present among his people. His voice can be heard in their hearts and his presence known...Christ is the leader of worship in the sense that he alone decides what human means will be used, if any. Individuals preach or prophesy or sing or pray as they are called forth by their Leader. In this way there is no room for the elevation of private reputations. Jesus alone is honored."

Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

"You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve." Matt 4:10

"A quickening Presence pervades us, breaking down some part of the special privacy and isolation of our individual lives and blending our spirits within a superindividual Life and Power. An objective, dynamic Presence enfolds us all, nourishes our souls, speaks glad, unutterable comfort with us, and quickens us in depths that had before been slumbering." Thomas R. Kelly, The Eternal Promise

"Worship is a deliberate and disciplined adventure in reality." Willard Sperry, The Fellowship of the Saints

"Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way." Col 3:15-17 (Msg)

Farsighted

2009-01-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

Gully: "There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. And each one deserves a closer look." From the film Harriet the Spy (1996)

I think Rachel had a magnifying glass behind those pretty eyes

and the rest of us are just a little farsighted

"Every day was show and tell" Gene said

"And she never said no to an adventure."

And as I begin this new year with You

all my resolutions melt into a closer look at Rachel

the profound words in her Bible,

her Jesus joy dressed in silliness, her constant smile,

her reckless love for you doodled in the margins,

her uninhibited freedom to dance and run,

snapshots of lady bugs with cats bouncing on her back,

her "yes"s when I would have said "no"

out of my needless fear and made-up proprieties,

how she somehow lived for today and eternity all at once,

and like the endless truths of her leather-bound user's guide,

never skimming anything,

rather diving into life until her fingers got all pruny

and I can feel You whispering a new sense of responsibility

for this year and all the remaining marbles in my jar

this sticky humanity has one less delight

and it's time to step it up

and take the torch she is passing onto all of us

that looks a lot more like a magnifying glass

as we take a closer look at ourselves in the light of Your plans

and begin to redefine what it really means to be

farsighted

"People nowadays take time far more seriously than eternity." Thomas Kelly

"Again and again, as we pursue spiritual life, we must do battle with hurry. For many of us the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them." John Ortberg, The Life You've Always Wanted

"Everyone thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself." Leo Tolstoy

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"How many people are radically and permanently repelled from The Way by Christians who are unfeeling, stiff, unapproachable, boringly lifeless, obsessive and dissatisfied? Yet such Christians are everywhere , and what they are missing is the wholesome liveliness springing from a balanced vitality with the freedom of God's loving rule." Dallas Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines

"Goals are discovered, not made. God delights on showing us exciting new alternatives for the future." Richard Foster, A Celebration of Discipline

I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: "Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They're his people, he's their God. He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone." The Enthroned continued, "Look! I'm making everything new." Revelation 21:3-4 (Msg)

The Night Before the Night Before

2008-12-23T04:02:00.000-08:00

'Twas two Nights before Christmas and downstairs in the house,
Daddy is editing and clicking his mouse.
Mommy is breathing deep, brow furrowed with care
In hopes that the render box soon would be there.
The daughter nestled all snug in her bead
While visions of Build-a-Bears danced in her head
And momma with her computer firm on her lap
and daddy's clock screaming no time for a nap
When in my brain there arouse such a clatter
Eyes sprang from the screen to see what was the matter
Away to Paul's words I flew like a flash
To lay down my worries with a loud CRASH
For just as the spring will melt the gray snow
You remind me of truths I already know
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
A verse that sings of how You are near.
With tapping toes to have it all done and quick
You whisper "Go give him a kiss between clicks"
For two days from now, we'll all talk of Who came
And sing all the songs, repeating Your name.
"Now give up your cares of last minute decisions!
Out lofty goals and perfection precision!
Out worries of planning ahead with faith small!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
I offered them up and freely they flew
My toe-tapping, nail-biting, and butterflies,too.
Then, as if twinkling, I smiled wide, aloof,
my shoulders lighter without burdens of proof
As I drew in my breath and was turning around
Down the Holy Spirit came with a bound
He was dressed in peace from his head to his foot
and with secrets in His eyes, He winked a "stay put"
A bag full of joys He had flung on his back
He knelt down beside me to reach in His sack.
He smiled as He offered the real Christmas story
Of Peace on Earth and time to give You glory.
Of presence that didn't come wrapped in a bow
Of good news beyond any well-written show
Of the silent night that lies underneath
all honking traffic and candy cane wreaths
Perfect desserts to fill up our bellies,
Santa's loud laugh and his bowl full of jelly.
A simple gift I can't stack on a shelf
And a story of love I can't keep to myself.
And closing my eyes and bowing my head
I was silent as that night to listen instead
I spoke not a word, let Your story work
Cringing at images of me as the jerk
And just like that baby in swaddling clothes
I can feel Your forgiveness and love as it grows
Then my chest rises and I sigh like a whistle
Guilt floating away like the down of a thistle
My lips parted to say with a faith beyond sight
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6 (Msg)

"One of Jesus' names is Immanuel. It means God is with us. It's no wonder the angels told the shepherds,'Do not be afraid!' You lose your fear when God is near. God's presence trumps our panic." Rick Warren, The Purpose of Christmas

Update:
Just as You intended from the beginning, the service turned out to be an inspiration to many, even a fabulous 15 year old girl named Heather!

Tick, tick, six

2008-12-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

"She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor." Proverbs 4:9

Lauren (crowned with flowers) Grace (mercy, beauty, or good will)

Every mother knows that ache of a fast-moving clock

but on the morning of her sixth birthday, it stops

as her life verse highlights the page.

a timeless thought, an intimate moment

captured on an ancient scroll

Solomon offering hand-me-down wisdom

from the man after Your own heart

a love for learning that surpasses

any physical beauty or earthly monarchy

beyond any temple he could conceive

or any lover he could woo with poetry

a simple request for wisdom

only to know You more

and all this before the Messiah gift

and the true meaning of Grace

long before her golden hair slithered in the wintry wind

long before those big blue eyes began to turn green like mine

long before her slippery smile and that machine-gun laugh

long before she fell asleep on his chest

toddled down the hall, played peek-a boo

and headed off the preschool

long before the days of sleepovers and bus rides

before she ever danced to the sound of her middle name

You chose to define, embody and tender it

to this paragon little girl of mine

whose wisdom leaves my mouth gaping

and whose beauty reminds me of everything You

everything Grace

in this fast-flying tick-tocking pace of motherhood

I come again to You like Solomon

a simple request for wisdom

crowned with a garland of grace

to help my -not so little anymore- girl live up to her name

and bring as much glory to You with the rest of her life

as joy she has brought to me these past six years

because in a blink of Your eye

she will be tick, tick sixty ...

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men

[and even six year old girls]." Titus 2:11

One by One

2008-11-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

I found myself humming a tune today

from the days of bouncing pigtails,

and seersucker dresses that sway in the springtime,

the warm sun stopping by for a fall-time cameo

as the humming vined into words

I didn't know I still knew . . .

Count your blessings

Name them one by one

Count your blessings

See what God has done

Count your blessings

Name them one by one

Count your many blessings

See what God has done

The men deep frying the turkey on the back porch

standing and staring at the steam rising like the peace in their eyes

My mom and my daughter doing makeovers in the living room

as five and fifty year old giggles give and take in a teeter totter of joy

I smile in the kitchen through glass measuring cups

and start singing again, the verses stirring like the wooden spoons in my hands

When upon life's billows

You are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged

Thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings

Name them one by one

And it will surprise you

What the Lord has done

This has not been the easiest year of our lives

we've felt a little sea sick in those billows

leaning over the sides, a little wary and green,

our heads spinning in the changing winds

But today, the waters are calm and we set aside a day of Thanksgiving

for the sunshine, and even the tossing tempests

because we held on to You and eachother

long enough to look around and see all we have to thank You for.

Count your blessings

Name them one by one

Count your blessings

See what God has done

Count your blessings

Name them one by one

Count your many blessings

See what God has done

("Count Your Blessings" song by Johnson Oatman jr, 1897)

one husband to grow up and old with,
one daughter to love and guide closer to You
one family that passes down a legacy of worship
one job You hand-stitched in the shape of Me
and counting one by one feels a little daunting
like grains of sand on a beach, the clouds in the sky,
or Your promise to Abraham that star-gazing night.
And all I can think to do is sing
and think of You.

"When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you." Deuteronomy 8:10

Overactive Imagination

2008-11-15T10:43:00.000-08:00

We are a family of dreamers
A marriage of poetry bearing a child of play
Daddy's palette a silver screen
giving flight to birds that wing to You
gliding on the winds of epic violin soundtracks
or lost boys diving in the sand for Your buried treasures
with conga drums and those deep inhalations
the growing yellow firelight dancing in their pupils
Mommy with her head in the clouds
her hands on the laptop like a Mozart figurine
and her feet on the stage where she plays out
the beauty of Your gifts in the dim light of humanity's messes
a little girl's mind so filled with musical stories
they spill over like fountains dripping with rhyme
complete with twirling choreography and dramatic pauses
when all you need is a windowless room and a flashlight
to create a time machine unlimited by time
when playdough leaps from its plastic buckets into her hands
and is molded into a thriving metropolis
and a blank rectangle and some watercolors
transform into a 3 dimensional rainbow land of happiness
but there is an ache between the rainbow lines
for this Mama Bear in the Goldilocks tale
a daydream of "just right"
the day when my little girl's overactive imagination
will move from purple clouded glitter castles
to Your Kingdom all around her
from furrowed-browed scary stories in dark closets
to smiling shouted truths of the light of the world
from lamp-lit waltzes with imaginary princes
to dancing in the sun head back, arms out, like David
all alone in his beautiful foolishness
from side stepping, neck bulging songs of High School romances
to feet planted melodies rooted in the major chords of You
just a mother's overactive imagination
and not just for her
but for all the dimly lit faces in the seats
the day when their loftiest goals crumble at Your feet like castles
when fears roll out of clouded minds like a storm to sea
when loneliness becomes only a distant memory
a familiar tune without the words
all their pain blurred like frosty windows
so they can return to the fireside of You
and know that Winter is only a season.
Thank you for this whimsical gift
a house full of overactive imaginations
and a simple day dream of what can be.

"God created us with an imagination, and as Lord of his creation he can and does redeem it and use for the work of the kingdom of God. . . . some have an 'overactive imagination,' as we say and they can concoct all kinds of images of what they would like to see happen . . . .That is why it is so vitally important for us to be thrown in utter dependence upon God in these matters. We are seeking to think God's thoughts after Him, to delight in his presence, to desire his truth and his way. . . the common experience of those who walk with God is one of being given images of what can be . . . . Imagination opens up the door to faith." Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Ephesians 3:20 (Msg)

"Celebration isn't wishful thinking. It's escatological thinking. It's knowing how the story ends." Jason Miller, "Spiritual Practices: Celebration" Journey Bible class 11/12/08

" . . . by means of the imagination we confine our mind within the mystery on which we meditate, that it may not ramble to and fro, just as we shut up a bird in a cage or tie a hawk by his leash so that he may rest on the hand." Francis De Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phillipians 4:8

Michelangelo University

2008-11-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

It started with a whisper on a jog
like wind blowing the twirling leaves down
to crunch under my nikes
something misty that became palpable.
It grew into a calling
like a quiet familiar song I strained to recognize
an investigation,
like that new project that feels more like a dream
and the disappointment
of what felt like a boat of adventure floating out to sea
and I'm left standing on the shore in the same hot sand
I gave up for a bit in the paralysis of a beautiful letdown
and a few mood swings, meaningless complaints,
exaggerated breakdowns in my gummy girlishness.
Then along came a hutzpah that wouldn't let me give up
like that teeth-gritting jaw clench in the last stretch
Then that final nudge from You
When you can't afford to go to seminary,
just bring the seminary to you . . .
Because every single day
I just want to look a little less like the mess of me
and a little more like the mysteries of You.

"When the great sculptor Michelangelo was asked how he created his masterpiece David, he replied that he just chipped away everything that didn't look like David. Simple as that. And that's what God does in your life. He chips away at everything in your character that doesn't look like Jesus Christ--all the character faults and flaws--because His plan is to perfect you in the image of His Son."
Kerry Shook, One Month to Live

(Setting: Living Room University)
Lauren: Is that the Bible?
Me: Nope, just a book I'm reading.
Lauren: Wow, that's a big book, Mom. They're not kidding.
Me: (holding back a chuckle) Yep.
Lauren: What's it about? Can I read it?
Me: It's about God, and sure. (patting the couch)
Lauren: (reading slowly, sounding it out) "We will never-- in this life, at least--understand God fully . . . " What does that mean?
Me: Well, it means we'll never really know how cool God really is until we get to heaven. But it's still fun to try. What do you think about that?
Lauren: Cool. (skips off to play Barbies as if to say. "Ok, YOU read that ginarmous book. I'm outta here.")

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12:30

"The word of God can be in the mind without being in the heart; but it cannot be in the heart without first being in the mind." R.C. Sproul

"God has put enough into the world to make faith in him a most reasonable thing, and he has left enough out to make it impossible to live by sheer reason and observation alone." Ravi Zacharias

"Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?" Job 11:7

"It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free"
"Beautiful Letdown" song by Switchfoot

Shoe Fly

2008-10-30T02:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I fly with muddy shoes
buzzing around people's ears
dancing around people's nerves
in the way
on the fly
and looking for a spot to rest.
Landing silence may be a relief
but they just roll their eyes
shoo me away
and wipe off my muddy footprints.
Those days where I'm that chubby, half-tucked shirt kid
that waddles up to the teacher's desk
greeted by a furrowed brow over the bifocals
and told to "sit right back down, young man"
and save my question for the afternoon.
Or the mom who only becomes visible
when someone can't find their other sock,
the quiet insecurity mistaken for snobbery,
the shaky hand in a game of Operation,
the cowlick who can't sit down,
the daydreaming dancer one beat behind,
the eager drummer one beat ahead,
running on ice
sprinting underwater
one broken arm in a sling
and one difficult jar to open.
Searching for a speechless cave
where I can close my eyes
not say a word
and avoid all disappointments.
But then I land in the middle of the 66
with David hiding out in a cave of his own
Just a kid with some rocks
who got on the nerves of a king
chillin' in a carved out rock
with his buzzing honesty
muddy sandals
and a scroll-lookin' diary.
Placing words back in my mouth
and truth back in my buzzing head
like a shower at the end of a dusty day.
We both peek out of the cave
and our blind-folded pity parties
to feel the warmth of the sunny truth.
We are not flies with muddy shoes at all.
We were hand-crafted
by the one who lit up the universe like a Christmas tree
built the spiraling tower of our DNA with a steady hand
and has much more in mind for us
than buzzing and muddy footprints.
So Dave and I take long deep breaths
and sing like we're back in preschool
"Shoe Fly, don't bother me
Shoo, fly, don't bother me
Shoe Fly, don't bother me
'Cuz I believe in what I can't see"
Then all we can do is laugh at ourselves
Two bemused, oddball poets
pens dripping with gratitude
and a calling to write it down.
Because You won't force them
to flock to our caves,
we have to fly to them.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven."
John Milton

"If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."
Psalm 139:11-14

"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."
C.S. Lewis

"He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."
I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.
But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
'The LORD be exalted!'"
Psalm 40:3, 8-10, 16

"It is true that we make many mistakes. But the biggest of them all is to be surprised at them: as if we had hope of never making any. . . Life itself is imperfect . . . . Each individual thing is only a sketch of the specific perfection planned for its kind. Why should we ask to be anything more? . . . we cease to look for perfection where it alone can be found: in God. The secret of the imperfection of all things, of their inconstancy, their fragility, their falling into nothingness, is that they are only a shadowy expression of the one Being from Whom they receive their being. If they were absolutely perfect and changeless in themselves, they would fail in their vocation, which is to give glory to God by their contingency."
Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

Fall Back

2008-10-27T01:22:00.000-07:00

sometimes we forget

in our lofty plans for art that moves

in our sketchy dreams of beauty

in our whiteboard plans for the coming season

sometimes we forget to find joy in the crisp, bending wind

to listen for the clattered rhythm of our waving branched fingers

to see purity in the blanketing frost foreshadowing a stable night

sometimes we forget to keep it simple

to trust in You

to fall back

away

from

our

own

fall

back

plans

and

lean

into

the

cradling

beauty of

Your wintry winds

and just . . . fall back.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"I am always amazed that when I give God a fraction of an inch of willingness to follow, God gives me miles of goodness and grace. When we talk about guidance, we must remember that we are not the center of the universe. Ultimately our wants are not top priority. While God cares for us and provides for us, we are called to be part of God's kingdom, fulfilling the role he created us to fill. God is not part of our lives; we are a part of God's. But in being part of God's life, we will be richly blessed and well cared for." Valerie Hess, Spiritual Disciplines Devotional

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." Henri Nouwen

Cornering Krissy

2008-10-09T04:02:00.000-07:00

There once was a little girl named Krissy
who seemed like a good little girl
her parents smiled at their beautiful child
but her older brother wanted to hurl...
The poor little guy was just way too smart
for his own little two year old good
and as he grew his parents knew
he didn't behave like a nice brother should.
The mother cried, the father was puzzled
"Where did we go wrong?
That our little boy would make it his joy
to torture her all day long?"
As he got a little older,
his genius was put to good use
to find new ways to terrorize her days
while she waved a flag of truce.
He got a little tired of being grounded
and the lectures from mom and dad
then one night, a bulb of light
what great idea he had!
So the next day after school
before the parents came home
he pushed her in the corner and began to warn her
and reminded her they were alone.
He said the meanest things that came to his mind
He just wanted to see her cry
he trapped her in, like a grenade has a pin
and wouldn't let her leave 'til her eyes were dry.
"If you tell mom and dad", he said with a glare
"things will only get worse"
the fear was real, so she made a deal
and promised not to converse.
He wasn't really that bad of a kid
just too smart for his own good
He never touched her, or even punched her
Just didn't love her like a big brother should.
But his word was always law
from that frightening cornered day on
he had the power to make her cower
like a mind-gaming Genghis Khan.
Krissy grew up and her brother did too
saying good-bye to childish days
he said he felt bad for how he was as a lad
and everything seemed okay.
But there were still those times in grown-up Krissy's life
when she'd find herself feeling again
like she's back in the corner, with no one to warn her
wondering when it will end.
This time is different, she tells herself
still feeling like prey in a den
this time instead, she bows her head
and walks away with a smiling Amen.

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." 1 Corinthians 13:11

Highlights

2008-10-08T07:49:00.001-07:00

I always loved highlighters
the secret hunt for main ideas
like needles in haystacks
in preparation for the review day
and the challenge of the pop quiz
a silent thrill ride
as I would roll my eyes
and pretend to hate it like my classmates
hiding my secret cravings for essay questions
and geometry proof paragraphs
but this
is a tough one
more like there's no needle at all
I just have to find the right strand of hay
they all look alike
and the barn keeps getting bigger
But that's when You come in
sitting with me in the cold of the barn
not afraid to get mud on your knees
knodding and pointing to search in certain places
and when these tough assignments come
I know You will always find me
guide me
and highlight what You have in mind
and in all my life
those are the real
highlights.

"Faith and doubt are both inevitable, but they are NOT equal. Doubt is an inescapable part of the human condition. When certainty is impossible, faithfulness is still on the table." Rob Wegner and Chad Meister, Reasons for God class 10/8/08

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all." Proverbs 3:5-7 (Msg)

Owen It All To You

2008-09-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Jen and Owen Lambert -the Picture of Miracle

I'll never forget when I heard the news
like a punch in the stomach
that brought me to my knees
and all I could do was hold my palm over my mouth
and cry out for my friends and that precious little boy
who just days before held that same hand on the playground.
Mother hen panic as I forgot to trust You right away
that look in Jen's eyes at the hospital
when she said "I know God has a plan
I just hope my plan and His are the same this time"
astounded at her faith
like looking up at a giant
a whisper from a mother to a mother
and a glimpse of Mary's heart at the foot of the cross
but then
the blessings in the week of tragedy
a doctor whose name tag should read minister
with words of wisdom beyond any medical textbook
only the truth of faith in You
a nurse who stayed until three a.m.
to pray and talk just a little longer
and a family who held onto each other
and You like never before
when the power of prayer
suddenly became a neon sign
behind all of our sleepless eyelids
Why does it have take a miracle
to remind me?
All we need to do is ask.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go." Abraham Lincoln

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.” C.S. Lewis

"The Doctor and nurses say it is amazing and we state that we have been praying for this. He is truly a miracle. A week ago, Owen was not alive, today, he is with us and responding. God has shown us a miracle. We are still praying, and know that thousands of people are for his complete recovery. " Micah Lambert (Owen's Daddy) e-mail update Sept. 28, 2008 (Owen's Website)

"Hallelujah! I give thanks to God with everything I've got—
Wherever good people gather, and in the congregation.
God's works are so great, worth
A lifetime of study—endless enjoyment!
Splendor and beauty mark his craft;
His generosity never gives out.
His miracles are his memorial—
This God of Grace, this God of Love. " Psalm 111:1-4 (Msg)

Update: Journal Entry 10/5/08
"When I walked in the door, Owen looked at me and grinned. It was a GREAT feeling! Although I struggled seeing his body struggle to sit and stand, it was encouraging to see that he was making progress. I have to remember, baby steps. I also have to remember that Owen is on God's time, not ours.
I am convinced that Owen will one day tell me of his experience with Jesus. I can see it in his eyes. His eyes have never looked more clear and beautiful to me than they have these past few days. When he looks at me, he seems to be talking. Of course, no one knows what he is saying, but I look forward to the day that he says, Daddy, why were you worried? Jesus was right there with me the whole time I was in the water. I know that Owen is making a difference in my life as well as others. I know God has something tremendous planned for his life. Although I can't see it now, I must trust that in God's time, I will see what it is." Micah Lambert

Let Them Eat Cake

2008-09-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

"My Dear Wormwood,
. . . You will notice that we have got them completely fogged about the meaning of the word 'real'. They tell each other, of some great spiritual experience, 'All that really happened was that you heard some music in a lighted building'; here 'real' means the bare physical facts, separated from the other elements in the experience they actually had. On the other hand, they will also say 'It's all very well discussing that high dive as you sit here in an armchair, but wait till you get up there and see what it's really like'; here 'real' is being used in the opposite sense to mean, not the physical facts but the emotional effects those facts will have on the human consciousness. Either application of the word could be defended, but our business is to keep the two going at once so that the emotional value of the word 'real' can be placed on one side of the account, now on the other, as it happens to suit us. The general rule which we have now pretty well established among them is that in all experiences which can make them happier or better only the physical facts are 'real' while the spiritual elements are 'subjective' . . . Thus in birth, the blood and pain are 'real', the rejoicing a mere subjective point of view . . . The creatures are always accusing one another of wanting "to eat the cake and have it"; but thanks to our labours they are more often in the predicament of paying for the cake, and not eating it . . .
Your Affectionate Uncle,
Screwtape"
-C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

mr. insomnia stopped by for a visit again

reminding me to make good use of our time together

urging me to give up sleep for more needed reflection

time to paint the reality of the last two days

as You hold out the pallette, letting me choose the colors
first instinct is to sit up and wince

at some lost dream of perfection

cues missed, technology ghosts, that look in my volunteers eyes

that said . . . "but we practiced it perfectly . . . "

and that embarrassing moment my mind keeps turning over

like those loud industrial dryers at the laundromat

I've never had a screaming coach, a sarcastic heckler,

or a stage mother who counts calories

and uses starch on everything

but You and I both know--it's worse

it's the monster inside my head

and I rub my eyes a little too hard

like trying to erase the wrong answer on a scantron

and you rip a hole in the paper

and I cry out to you as my hand shakes

holding the brush to the canvas

but then

there it is

Your gentle whisper reminders of the beautiful reality

that in my mourning over flawless plans

You had something better in mind all along

something better than perfection

something real

a sticky holy spirit humidity

everyone in the room could feel, touch, breathe in

and take home with them

still soaking in way beneath the skin

the thighs of our jeans trickled with tears

as time had stolen the dreams of Your promises

but we chased them down today mob style

to reclaim our rights to the joyous burden

of that great commisssion

and it's simplicity

that can feel so complicated

so we get back in the game with new passion

passion that is real

as real as paint on a canvas

or a cake that crumbles and sticks to the roof of our mouths

as real as the lyrics we heard with more than our ears

Because "after night

comes the light

dawn is here

it’s a new day

everything will change

things will never be the same

we will never be the same

Oh, The glory of it all is

You came here

for the rescue of us all

that we may live

for the glory of it all."

"Balance is not a goal. Someone who is balanced is standing still. You don't want to be balanced, you need to be leaning. Lean into your marriage. Lean into your relationships. Lean into God. People say, 'But if I'm leaning, I might fall down.' Yeah, that's right. It's risky. You might fall down sometimes." Mark Beeson "Stop Talking" Innovate Conference 08

"Between the promise and the payoff, there is always a process. We forget the promise, and forfeit the payoff because we’ve fainted in the process. But what if the process is what it's all about?"

Steven Furtick, "Innovative Impact" Innovate Conference 2008

"We have point of view. God has view."

Madelaine Le'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art

“The Gospel is not only to save souls…it is to save ‘wholes.’ The Gospel is not only verbal proclamation. That is not incorrect; that is incomplete! We must bring up there down here! Demonstration proclamation transforms! We don’t just give a hand-out…we give a hand-up!” Rob Wegner, "Missional Moves" Innovate Conference 2008

"Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." Matthew 28:18-10 (Msg)

Bowstring Prayer

2008-09-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

these are flight of the bumblebee rhythm days

and our arms are getting tired

but all we can feel is our passion for the music

the beauty of painting You in new ways

and inspiring others to do the same

a simple bowstring prayer

in my frenzied fatigue

Let us keep our eyes so fixed on You

so that our arms forget to be tired

and the melody of You takes over

and our toes even start to tap

For You are the true innovator

the giver of all inspiration

and the writer of our melody

let it all be for the glory of You.

"Work. Prayer. As with all life, it is a rhythm; tension, release; tension, release. Work, discipline, obedience; pull the bowstring taut, and then let go . . . The balance of the tension and release is somewhat like that of a violin; the strings must be taut before they will play, but if they are not released, they will break . . . The balance is, as always, delicate. We seldom find the center. We are constantly falling off one side of the other. But the center is always there, waiting for us to discover it . . . It is another of those things which does not belong in the realm of do-it-yourself. But it does make a difference. It is part of my becoming Christian--for it is never fait accompli; it is always a becoming." Madelaine L'Engle, Walking on Water

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26

Abba Sneak Peeks

2008-09-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

baptism photos by Sarah Koutz

sometimes I wonder about Your Father-Son talks
how You look into each other's eyes
the give and take and give
and then I get these little sneak peeks
of what the love of Abba father looks like
on earth as it is in heaven
my family in a hammock
or a slow dance on the porch
looking into Daddy's eyes
that say a million "You're so pretty"s
and "I'm a lucky daddy"s all at once
then my friends in a private public moment
three little girls looking into Daddy's eyes
for the three most important questions of their lives
above the marriage proposals we all hope won't come too soon
then Your underwater embrace
and up through the looking glass surface
like a kiss on the forehead
hugs from mommy and daddy
and the cheers in the sunny faces
and I pray
because sunny days don't last forever
as they grow, the winters will come
and I pray
they will always remember the warmth of Abba
on earth as it is in Heaven
and I look up, blinking bliss drops into my tissues
to look into my daddy's eyes
and say thank You
for a few sneak peeks of Agape
in three daddies'
Abba eyes

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15

Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." Galatians 4:6

Hearing Test

2008-08-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

"Potential" from eyemotion on Vimeo.

It was a suck in through the teeth moment
hands over my eyes Spock style
peeking through one pirate eye cringe
like that dream where you go to school in your underwear
the risk of listening to You
and following through
when I wound the clock
my wounds on display
praying that it will never be
about a cool piece in a service
but a new peace in their hearts
as someone looked down and opened up to say "Me, too"
while pointing up to You in a broken hallelujah
like laughing at all of Peter's fumbling
and sinking and back-pedaling
then silence in the power of that Pentecost speech
when you took his failures
and began a revolution
I'll never be a revolutionary
but I'm determined to listen for You
whether I fail or succeed
and both are inevitable in this rubber band life
Thank You for my brilliant husband
who is listening along side me
who inherited Your storytelling gene
in a way that still takes my breath away
too bad there weren't silver screens on those hillsides of Yours
You took what they knew-- seeds, harvest
wages at the end of a long day
to bring them to the truth of You
and that's all we really want in all this
so here we are, Lord
waiting, wounded, wound up
and ready to hear
what's next

1. WOUND
Function: noun , an injury to the body (as from violence, accident, or surgery) or a mental or emotional hurt or blow.

"Wounds. By his wounds we are healed. But they are our wounds, too, and until we have been healed we do not know what wholeness is. The discipline of creation, be it to paint, compose, write, is an effort toward wholeness . . . It is a listening, unself-conscious love, and many artists who are incapable of this in their daily living are able to find it as they listen to their work, that work which binds our wounds and heals us and helps us toward wholeness . . . But it is not only our hurts which we are required to give over but our wholeness, too. It must all be his."
Madelaine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art

2. WOUND
Funtion: verb, past participle of the verb wind, as in to wind a clock.

"We must daily keep things wound; that is, we must pray when prayer seems dry as dust; we must write when we are physically tired, when our hearts are heavy, when our bodies are in pain. We may not always be able to make our "clock" run correctly, but at least we can keep it wound so that it will not forget."
Madelaine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art

"Safety is only an illusion, and letting go is part of listening to the silence, and to the Spirit . . In art, either as creators or as participators, we are helped to remember some of the glorious things we have forgotten, and some of the terrible things we are asked to endure, we who are children of God by adoption and grace . . . The artist cannot hold back; it is impossible, because writing or any other discipline of art, involves participation in suffering, in the ills and the occasional stabbing joys that come from being part of the human drama . . . we are meant to be real and to see and recognize the real . . . We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are, to see through the plastic sham to living, breathing reality, and to break down our defenses of self-protection in order to be free to receive and give love . . . when the words mean even more than the writer knew they meant, then the writer has been listening. And sometimes when we listen, we are led into places we do not expect, into adventures we do not always understand."
Madelaine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art

"I was reading my Bible the other day, and do you know what I realized? The main word in the word 'heart' is 'hear'. All He wants me to do is listen." Lavon Kil

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this." Proverbs 3:5 (MSG)

Heartburn

2008-08-21T05:56:00.000-07:00

I jog today with extra weight

the image of a blank screen

stalker deadlines in the bushes

and a mound of expectations

like a high pile of clumsy gadgetry

that only slips when I try to climb to the top

and the cords keep wrapping around my ankles

and pulling me down like evil seaweed

the world feels like it might be caving in

but I know You too well to believe it

and I listen for Your truth in the first song

in our little love story soundtrack

"Is this the new fear or just another fright?

Is this the new tear or just another desperation?

Is this the finger or just another fist?

Is this the kingdom or just a hit n' miss?

A misdirection, most in all this desperation

Is this what they call freedom?

Is this what you call pain?

Is this what they call discontented fame?

It'll be a day like this one

When the world caves in."

("The Blues" by Switchfoot)

I bring it all to you

the weight

the ache for You to fill in my blanks

running to catch You in the wind

or following only fast enough to see You turn a corner

I didn't sign up for a one woman show

I need You

in every assignment

every moment

every word

every syllable

breathing You into their ears

until it tickles and they have to choose

"What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being?
Is it wind that blows the trees?
Sometimes you're further than the moon
Sometimes you're closer than my skin
And you surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss
And my heart burns for you
And my heart burns . . . "
("Obsession" by Delirious)

all I can do is pray
for Your words, not mine
to feel You surround me like a winter coat
and burn me with a kiss
because my worst nightmare is that it's just my words
and they are so few in this moment of fear
so my few empty words cup like a bowl
waiting on the Spirit to pour in
writer's block paralysis
from heartburn
for others to know You
or come back to make the angels sing
louder than my ipod

"There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures
This is an emergency!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home."
("Tears of the Saints" by Leeland)

tears and sweat drops meet
in V's and Y's and hold onto each other
until they hit the pavement
like the two halves of me
meeting in the crux of
full doubt in myself and
peace in Your arms when I fall

like Peter sinking in the waves

and calling out to you
arms that lift me back up
and increase my pace
with the rhythm of the next song

"Complexity haunts me for I am two men
Entrenched in a battle that Ill never win
My discipline fails me, my knowledge it fools me
But you are my shelter, all the strength that I need
It's my will, and I'm not moving
Cause if it's your will, then nothing can shake me
It's my will, to bow and praise you
I now have the will to praise my God."
("My Will" by DC Talk)

I can hear my breath gasping
but there's no pain
only me smiling like an idiot
flying through suburbia
with no concern for communal proprieties
unaware of anything but You
a child running on the playground again

"Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening
Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,
We're awakening
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening
Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive,
Alive"
("Awakening" by Switchfoot)

The blank screens flash back in my mind

along with the blurred faces

of all who need to find You

the steps start to feel heavy again

that stitch in the side begins like a little flame

but I refuse to slow

because I'm not relying on my strength alone

boot camp training for the real battle

of sitting back down

to face that white rectangle head on

"Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin

Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart

Train the monkeys on my back to fight

Let it start tonight

When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground

Falling down like broken satellites

Let your love be strong,

and I don't care what goes down

Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud

Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your sky's

All that I am hanging on, all of my world resting on your love."

("Let Your Love Be Strong" by Switchfoot)

the confidence gets overzealous and crosses the line

from free-flow faith into scheduled checklists

determined robotic item completion

the drill sergeant is back with my raging voice

reminding me of those stalker deadlines
and the shrinking clock

tick tock click

the next song begins to makes me smile

an old favorite love song

Cody added when I wasn't looking

but again I listen for you . . .

"Sometimes, I get so tense

But I can't speed up the time

But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow

Things will be just fine

You and I'll just use a little patience."

("Patience" by Guns N Roses)

Guns N Roses . . . who knew?

and I grin as I turn a corner

You have my attention

You have my faith

You have my heartburn

but I still need Your words

all I've ever wanted was to bring more of You

from up there to down here

so people can reach out

to touch You, see You, know You

to share You

but I'm feeling tongue-tied
so You start with the words

of my own prayer

as the next song fades in . . .

"I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all you angels

I won't give up if you don't give up."

("Calling All Angels" by Train)

and I turn the last corner into the tree tunnel

the route back to my front porch

back to the blank screen

back to the calling

with old songs in the ipod
new truths in my mind

like Your water on my fiery fears

and I know the words will come

because I won't give up if you don't give up

and after 2000 years

I think we both know

You'll never give up on us

so neither will I.

"After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly." Acts 4:31

"Henry Fonda was still throwing up before each stage performance, even when he was seventy-five. In other words, fear doesn't go away. Self doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as indicator of inspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it . . . The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death." Steven Pressfield

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles

"God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us." Acts 15:8

"This question of meaning of being, and dying and being, is behind the telling of stories around tribal fires at night; behind the drawing of animals on the walls of caves; the singing of melodies of love in spring, and of the death of green in autumn. It is part of the deepest longing of the human psyche, a recurrent ache in the hearts of all God's creatures. So when the messages, Listen to the silence. Stay Open to the voice of the spirit, and Slow me down , Lord, came, I was forced to listen and even to smile . . .The Holy Spirit does not hesitate to use any method at hand to make a point to us reluctant creatures."

Madelaine L'Engle

Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith in Art

Preparations

2008-08-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

"If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six sharpening my axe." ~ Abraham Lincoln

I love our little secrets

inside joke theophanies

where I giggle and cup my ear to listen

like playground telephone games

without the funny confusion

and the dusty rough-edged boys

who always changed it on purpose

reading Your word reminds me of cloud-gazing

where the shape of John the Baptist looks a little like me

a weird diet and What Not to Wear show waiting to happen

never really fitting in, wandering off alone

to dig his toes in the sand and think of You

somehow shy and a bold teacher all at once

he probably got those "What is that all about?" looks, too

our goal is the same

to prepare the way for You

I've always loved preparations

and perhaps my over-preparing was what pushed me over the line

from the "odd" or "special" column to the full-blown nerd
complete with home-made flashcards

appendix look-ups

and extra laps around the track

an extra credit junky

chasing the next fix of creative opportunity

Geeking out over preparing the way for others to shine

so they can morph into a closer image of what You have in mind

for them and through them

for my husband

the hidden hero

who is sometimes caught holding the wrong measuring tape

my daughter

who tries on things a little too big for her

and makes me smile

my family

who follow you all over the globe

and see suffering as just a little pop quiz

my friends

who know how to argue and agree

on You in a perfect teeter totter thrill ride

my pastors

who challenge and love us

with their patchwork quilt words of truth and grace

my team

who are so gifted and wise it freaks me out sometimes

and let me sit at the cool crowd table

my volunteers

who don't just squeeze serving in their calendars

but give their all to You

and all of this to really prepare the way

for You

and that cloud-gazing Kingdom playground

that whispers in my ear

and tells me

to keep loving You

in all the preparations.

"It is written in Isaiah the prophet:
'I will send my messenger ahead of you,
who will prepare your way
a voice of one calling in the desert,
Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.'"
Mark 1:2-3

In One Ear and Stay

2008-08-09T07:06:00.000-07:00

Thank You for two days of good advice
and follow-the-leader games
that challenge me to jump in the puddles
get my hands a little dirty
chill in the plans You've made
and remember to take some flyers
let it go in one ear and stay

"Listen, friends, to some good advice; sit up and take notice so you'll know how to live. I'm giving you good counsel; don't let it go in one ear and out the other."
Proverbs 4:1

"Dear friend, take my advice; it will add years to your life. I'm writing out clear directions to Wisdom Way, I'm drawing a map to Righteous Road. I don't want you ending up in blind alleys, or wasting time making wrong turns. Hold tight to good advice; don't relax your grip. Guard it well—your life is at stake!"
Proverbs 4:10

"Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed."
Proverbs 15:22

"When something feels funky, engage.
Take a 'flyer' (a calculated risk).
They will never be rocked until you challenge them." Bill Hybels

"I ask myself everyday, are Jesus and I really interested in the same things?
If you want your leadership to matter, lead in the things that matter to God.
Some of us go on the trip, but we miss the adventure.
Something isn't right when Jesus' burden is light and mine is still heavy.
The first thing to disappear when spiritual health departs is laughter. The joy of the Lord is our strength." Gary Haugen

"Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone.
Follow your compass and not your clock.
If you don't get feedback, you get blind spots.
Leadrship is not about having power over others, it's about empowering others." Bill George

"It's your own personal conviction that makes your leadership work." Wendy Kopp

"Making and maintaining good soil is everything. What kind of soil do you think people need to grow into the masterpieces God made them to be? Leadership is the act of providing the right environment for people to grow. But are you willing to get your hands dirty? We need to ask ourselves are we teaching more like Jesus or like the Pharisees? Are we leading people to see others first through the eyes of grace? If you had a masterpiece of art with some mud on it, would you throw it out? No. Jesus saw in all people a masteriece worth dying for. The pharisees just saw mud. What do you see first? What are the barriers to grace in your cultural context? You won't be able to recognize them unless you get your hands dirty.
The core problem of humanity is not behavior, not that we do bad things, but a broken relationship to others. When we learn to live in authentic confessing community, it heals us.
I know what youre thinking. if we invite these people in, what if they never change?Our job is not fixing or chagging or growing people, we cant only god can. We can only cultivate the soil.
Stay connected. fruit happens." John Burke

"God so loved the world, but guess what? He wants to love it through us.
When God comes back, that's the ultimate justice. But until then, it's just us.
Its not about qualification, its about being picked up by a force larger than yourself.
Tribalism is still a deep evil force that courageous leaders must take on.
Sometimes the storms arise because the high pressure of what God wants to do come against the low pressure of what we want to do.The low pressure of what's comfortable against the high pressure of what Jesus died for.
What if we stop making excuses and create churches that are sneak previews of heaven?" Efrem Smith

"To reach people that no one is reaching, we have to do things that no one is doing. But to do things no one is doing, we can't do what everyone else is doing.
You have everything you need to do what God wants you to do.
Some of you have an obstace but God wants you to see the opportunity.
A lot of people say God guides by what he provides, but we've found that God guides through what he doesn't provide.
Shake it off and step up." Craig Groeschel

"We have transferred our allegiance to truth to therapy.We look for what we can get out of it.
If you are a leader, your job is not to pander to people, it's to lead them to the truth.
If the culture's sick, it means the church is sick. It means the church isn't doing it's job."
Chuck Colsen

"I just learned that God's ways are better than mine, so I just need to chill out and let go of control.
Just show up in the morning. Get your orders for the day, and execute in obedience.
If I'm not in good shape, I'm hurting the whole organization.
I have learned to sacrifice privacy for accountability.
I dare you to pray "Bring it on, God" and watch out for what God will do with you." Catherine Rohr

"Moses was 'called' to do his job. He had a long list of reasons he shouldn’t be doing it. But Moses did the job because he was 'called' to do it." Brad Anderson

"Be careful. God might be preparing you, and refining you, by the frustration of this era." Bill Hybels

Bated Breath

2008-08-06T05:57:00.000-07:00

I've come so far
to grasp the hem of the garment of confidence
to feel the awesome power of You
flow out into me
and dance in the role You've tailor made for me
but now
it's itchy again
ants in the pants holy discontent
like crossing a ribboned finish line with arms up
only to see another longer race ahead
because I can hear You
calling me to something beyond me
and I don't know exactly what it is yet
like a slow curtain opening
but I do know
I can't breathe life into others
if I stay safe in my breathless fear and insecurity
chin on my knees
peeking through the blinds
and making excuses
because the sun seems too bright
and I forgot my sunglasses
Thank you for two days
of inhaling the wisdom of women who get it
who actually live comfortably in their own skin
a clear picture of who they are in You
minus the blurring lines of the blinds
that big picture comparison game
that really isn't the picture at all
who have watched the curtain open until it locks
so they can dance in the warm sun
of all You have for them
I'm breathing it all in
only so I can exhale
with my little voice
to bring some glory to You
and find my own voice
my own strength to open the curtain
so others can see You
and watch the real love story
that has the only true, lasting, and enduring happy ending
of breathing in and
breathing out.

Gifted to Lead Conference Wed. Aug. 7, 2008
"As I listen to my life and tell my stories, a voice emerges. It is my voice, and it connects to people in ways the voices of others cannot . . . do not try to be someone you are not .. .Trust that God has given you a voice that needs to be heard and stories that will connect if you tell them with a spirit of openness, discovery, and reflection on eternal truth . . . be a woman who examines her soul and who is used by God to breathe life into others. "
Nancy Beach, Gifted to Lead

"The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. We didn't learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way. " 1 Corinthians 2:10-13

"Wherever you go, your gift is not as important as your pursuit of God . . . Stop being surprised that leadership is hard. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Obstacles are what your gift was created for. Seek a vision of your calling that goes beyond time and place, one the goes to the heart of God. . . You can't believe in the strengths of others until you believe in your own." Nancy Ortberg

"Where God provides a vision, he also provides provision." Teresa Hord Owens

"Life is not easy for any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained." Marie Curie

"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in his love than in your own weaknesses." Mother Theresa

Sink Down, Raise Up

2008-08-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

"A remnant of the family of Judah yet again will sink down roots and raise up fruit."
2 Kings 19:30

A weekend of legacy reminders
dressed in a whimsical pink t-shirt parade
a time to sink down the family tree roots
and listen for hand-me-down wisdom
from You
how You slip into conversation topics
like the rhythm of a cool, rotating fan
standing as the base of the family tree for years
with Aunt Norma in Egypt missions
with Cousin Kimmy Jo and her puppets
that bring You to children in ways only she can
with Amy and her new adventure of motherhood
as she extends another branch of faith
in the chubby cheeks of a little boy
with mom and her palm tree pain transformed
into the joy of trusting You
and with Grandma in her silent service
that can drown out all the bubbly teacher voices
with the power of her quiet peace and patience
that remind of us Jesus in ways we forget to admit
with each one of us in Your hand-crafted way
that we have trouble putting into words
but share with each other
in some common unspoken sweetness
I sink in the roots
knowing the nutrients of my family tree
will feed and ripen the fruit You are calling me to grow
and I thank You for a weekend of hymn-singing women
and cousins coming together
to love You
love each other
and slowing time as we chase moments
to sink down and raise up together
all for the glory of You

Puzzle Faces

2008-07-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

another whisper in the every day
our favorite puzzle past time
criss cross of limbs
to bring tiny pieces of cardboard together
and make something beautiful
as the dusty pile is poured
we dive in for our favorites
me searching for the corners, the edges
the frame to box them all in
safe and sound
but not Lauren
she scours the pile for puzzle faces
eyes so they can see her
mouths that can return her smile
a chin she can place as if to lift it
tiny hands she can almost touch with her fingertips
and I get a glimpse of You
the one who seeks us out
in our two dimensional
fragmented jigsaw lives
and pours us out before You
as we all pretend we can make it on our own
one puzzle piece with only a hint
of the real image to come
but You silently sort through the pile
urging us to see beyond the frames
the four corners
the straight edges that trap us in
our four walled boxes
and Who, like my little girl
just wants to look in our faces
return our smiles
lift our chins
touch our hands
and place a bunch of cut up pieces
alongside eachother
knit together
to make something beautiful
something You had in mind all along.

"The heart is a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." Jeremiah 17:9 (Msg)

"The destiny of each one of us is intended, by the Lord, to enter into the destiny of His entire Kingdom. And the more perfectly we are ourselves the more we are able to contribute to the good of the whole Church . . . Our love for one another must be rooted in a deep devotion to Divine Providence, a devotion that abandons our own limited plans into the hands of God and seeks only to enter into the invisible work that builds His Kingdom." Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

Birthday Presence

2008-07-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

10:40am
July 20th
1978
You started something crazy.

They say coincidence is Your way of offering anonymous gifts . . .
I turned 30 on my favorite day of the week
Today, I walked into the church I was baptized in twenty years ago
and into a cloud of Monet memories I have to squint to see
when middle schools fears chased like a man in a Hockey mask
a panicked search for my true self
and led me to the truth of You
when youth group trips weren't just a new place to hang out
but revelations of campfire conversations
and candlelight confessions that welcomed You
in the glowing circles
memories of pew-sitting with my feet waving pendulums below
looking up from my biting fingernails to watch dad lead worship
with his hands up and eyes closed
then Mom would come out from behind the black and white keys
where she painted beauty with her fingertips
to sing with the microphone up
reminding me of a silver ice cream cone
and her eyes would close at a precise peak
and I would close my eyes too and listen
because it was all about You
a weekend visit brought me into a new decade of life
with mom and dad looking at me
and saying without saying that I will always be their little girl
at exactly 10:40am this morning when I turned the big 3-0
my mom and I were singing a duet
and I couldn't remember exactly when
I grew into sounding like her
just like the first time I realized we could share shoes
It was a song of my heart written by Sarah Groves
the perfect reflection of my own modern day Psalms
dancing with the hymn of my heritage
"He's Always Been Faithful" and "Great is Thy Faithfulness"
give and take like the playground swings
growth spurting into hammock prayers with Your word in my lap
the thousand in the crowd along with my bright eyed grinning girl
and the man I love staring like our first date
all blanketed with darkness,
my eye lids curtaining any temptation of a show
and I just sang to You
thanking You for Your
amazing
birthday presence.

P.S. I don't feel thirty, and I think it's okay.
I'll always be Your little girl.

"Our life, as individual persons and as members of a perplexed and struggling race, provokes us with the evidence that it must have meaning. Part of the meaning still escapes us. Yet our purpose in life is to discover this meaning, and live according to it. We have therefore, something to live for. The process of living, of growing up, and becoming a person is precisely the gradual increasing awareness of what that something is . . . Therefore this discovery of ourselves is always a losing of ourselves--a death and resurrection . . . not the discovery of ourselves, but of Christ." Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

"Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain
he did not recycle to bring me gain.
I can't remember one single regret
in serving God only and trusting his hand
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me"
Sara Groves, "He's Always Been Faithful"

"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever;
with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations."
Psalm 89:1

Plug and Play

2008-07-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

He wants to change

caught up in a fear and failure cyclone

ripple effect mechanical breakdown

he's trying to rewire, replace some parts

test some new technology

and research the DIY world of haystack needles

but he can't see

he's just unplugged

his old best friend somehow erased and re-sketched

into a cosmic santa claus

who doesn't need to check the list again

because he knows which list he's on

an uneventful Christmas morning to come

what used to be his favorite subject

now an outdated legend

of You as a clockmaker

who wound it once and walked away

to leave him stumbling through this world

to a tick and a tock that feels too fast

but there's a word that keeps popping up in his searching

a word he can't get his arms around

like a heavy box he wants to carry

but the angles are all wrong

Grace

I can feel it in my wiring

like a silent music of a song You wrote just for me

the rhythm behind my smile and subtle dance to my walk

but when I try to sing my song to him, all he can hear is noise

like him, so many could hear their own songs playing

if they could just

plug in

but I had to find my own outlet

I can't make them find it

but You can.

For three weeks

I'll close my eyes

belt my song to You

with Bono passion for his ears

and theirs.

And watch the light show begin.

"A desperation to change is not enough. In order to sustain the changes, we have to be connected to a power source beyond ourselves--a power source that never wavers, flickers, or leaves us in the dark. We have to move from willpower to the real power that comes from a connection to our creator . . . While our lives include many facets, our spiritual energy is more important than the others, because everything hinges on it. We're created as spiritual beings , and to develop spiritual energy, we have to develop a healthy connection to our Creator . . . We are created to be connected to a larger power source." Kerry and Chris Shook, One Month to Live

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing." John 15: 4-5

"All we have to do, our only role, is to be the branch and connect to the vine. If we are connected to the vine, we'll be spiritually healthy and be filled with his energy. When we forget and start thinking we're the vine instead of the branch, we get stressed out because that's a role we were never created to play . . . You don't have to sweat and strive and work harder, or discipline yourself to be more spiritual through sheer willpower. You're not responsible for producing fruit; Jesus is . . . This is the key for moving from will power to real power." Kerry and Chris Shook, One Month to Live

"You formed us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in You."

Saint Augustine

Happy 4th! (and 5th and 6th . . . )

2008-07-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

Just feelin' blessed this weekend
like a dog with it's head out the window
I'm just grinning and enjoying the ride
my family
my job
my friends
my country
Thanks for loving me way beyond what I deserve
and keeping me from enjoying it too much
so I can keep my eyes open in the wind
and search for ways to share with others
both inside and outside
my little window.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Psalm 118:1

"What a great time to be alive!" Stephen Mansfield, Freedom and Faith

Upstream

2008-07-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

I just said no to a great opportunity
claiming immunity for the sake of community
and what You have in mind.
There You go raising the stakes
a stomach ache for soul's awake
and freedom unconfined.
a year ago I would have jumped at the chance
at first glance a logical advance
but then I stopped . . .

to ask You first.

a new calling sounds
the mind confounds this new out of bounds
so much bigger than me.
my plans for Yours
empty junk drawers, passion underscores
without a neon marquee.
listening for dream exchanging
life rearranging in your unchanging
love
to stop

and ask You first.

flapping my fins
on needles and pins, it's about to begin
diving in to swim upstream.
giving up little
childish noncommittal for a final acquittal
of a selfish regime.

abandoning the golden fleece

for some elbow grease and a senseless peace

all because I stopped

to ask You first.

walking alongside,
learning to abide, matching Your stride
to avoid a collision with standing still
Mind swirls like the little girl
trading pop beads for pearls
toward the center of Your will
to say what You need to say

the next act of the passion play

as I learn to stop

and ask You first.

"Following Christ isn't something that can be done half-heartedly or on the side. It's not a label we can display when it is useful. It must be central to everything we are. If life is a river, then pursuing Christ requires swimming upstream. When we stop swimming, or actively following Him, we automatically begin to be swept downstream." Francis Chan, Crazy Love

"God has something better than this. It's all about pop beads for pearls." Mark Beason, New Community Sermon 7/3/08

"It is hard to bear with people who stand still along the way, lose heart, and seek their happiness in little pleasures which they cling to . . . You feel sad about all that self-indulgence and self-satisfaction, for you know with an indestructible certainty that something greater is coming." Henri Nouwen, With Open Hands

"Greater things are yet to come

Greater things are still to be done in this city."

Chris Tomlin, "God of This City"

"One of the ways to partner with God in bringing order out of the chaos of our lives is to say no to (fast from) doing more activities . . . We need to fast from the idea that we'll miss something if we don't say yes to everything. Jesus himself walked away from some people and situations to keep the priorities of prayer and the kingdom of God first in his life. We are finite. We cannot do everything, we are not called to do everything." Valerie Hess, Spiritual Disciplines Devotional

"Moses said to the LORD, 'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.' The LORD said to him, 'Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.'" Exodus 4:10-11

"The exciting thing about the Christian life is that God can break in when you least expect it. . . . Many people over the centuries have tried to find God in all sorts of ways. That desire is certainly good, but as Moses discovered, God is already there . . . That's why prayer is so important in the Christian Life; it helps us stay in touch with God's timing and God's ways . . . You can be sure, God does have a good plan for your life and he uses every detail--even tough times--to accomplish it." Whitney T. Kuniholm, The Essential Bible Guide

When Helicopters Whisper

2008-06-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

there were trees growing in our gutters
one good rain and the weight could bring them all down
those funny helicopter seeds I used to love as a kid
falling wherever the wind carried them
if left unattended, could grow into a disaster
so with an hour of don't look down
faith in rope and harness precaution
fashioned by the man I love
who watches my every move
holding the ladder and his breath
and I find some moments of peace in my crunchy roof world
under a canopy of the beauty I could blame
and with each bucket full of gunk
You were planting your own helicopter seeds of truth
I can feel You preparing me for this next calling
it's time to
clear out the gunk
don't look down
and trust in the harness
fashioned by You
because helicopters will fall
the rain will come
there's work to be done
and Your watching my every move.

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15

"I learned this proverb while I was in the middle East: 'Trust Allah but tether your camel.' It means you should trust God to take care of things, but you should also do what you can to ensure a good outcome ... we are coworkers with God in the situation of our lives. We are invited to pray about all things, but we are also called to do what we can." Valerie Hess, Spiritual Disciplines Devotional

"There is no event so commonplace but that God is present within it, always hiddenly, always leaving you room to recognize him or to not recognize him, but all the more fascinatingly because of all that, all the more compellingly and hauntingly . . . Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is . . . touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace." Frederick Buechner, Now and Then

"Unless I listen to my life, I have no hope of developing my own authentic and unique voice. It is out of the stuff of seemingly ordinary, every day moments I encounter that I hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit . . . and make connections that God can use to breath life and understanding into the lives of others." Nancy Beach, Gifted to Lead

Revisionzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2008-06-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

I went jogging and this buzzing mutant bee kept circling me
I could not lose this guy for at least a mile
and he was driving me insane, head-butting my shoulder and hissing in my ear,
I just wanted to chill with You in the march on the pavement
but we kept getting interrupted by his incessant buzzing
finally I just sprinted as fast as I could, waved my arms like an idiot
and lost him. Ha!
and that's when You started doing all the talking. . .

compliments give me a gag reflex
I remember a time when I was little
I would get a hand on my chubby cheek
a flick of my pigtail or a squeeze of my plump fingers
along with a piece of Bubble Yum bubble gum and grinning flattery,
perfumed and cologned with scent of Sunday mornings
and I would smile and enjoy them all.
Now it's more of a mona lisa smile
formed from years of acting training
like those rushed curtain calls of nausia
where I just wanted to hide in the green room
I don't know who wrote that part of the story
but I'm beginning to understand it wasn't You
I guess I always pictured the black and white simplicity
of the ying and yang of me
You get credit for all the light and goodness
I get guilt for all the dark and shadows
Everyone's clear on the who and what
and I rest in my bad-news-is-better-than-no-news
world of answered questions even if the answers are lies
in the silky comfort of better-than-good-it's-done complacency
But You're slowly teaching me to see in color
so I can answer that frightening call
that word that seems beyond little me
who still feels like that little pigtailed girl
looking up at everyone else
and staying safe by mommy's purse and daddy's knees
Can she really pull this off?
But here we are again,

me surprised by your love,
and You, knudging me, then pushing me
as I drag my fearful heels and leave a trail of mud
Because only You could write this chapter

And I think I know now
I finally know
that it's time to start walking tall,

even if it means sprinting, waving my arms like an idiot

and making a fool of myself

so I can lose that stupid bee

and start being the You in me.

"For a long time, I thought humility meant continually discounting one's gifts, making sure to attribute everything to God or walking through life with a low opinion of oneself. However, this is not a biblical picture of humility. Humility is essentially seeing oneself with sober eyes, and not being so self-absorbed that we overlook the role of the sovereign Lord as well as the incredible worth and contributions of others . . . Many women leaders find themselves apologizing for their passion and goals, coming across as uncertain and tentative in their decision making . . . we must stop apologizing for our gifts and opportunities! We are not taking up too much room if we are seeking to fufill a God-ordained calling--a calling which may just require us to get over ourselves, take a deep breath and simply start leading . . . Being true to how God made us makes leadership less of a burden and more of a natural outpouring of how we function best . . . I had to learn what it meant to be fully myself, comfortable in my own skin, and willing to express myself authentically as a woman of faith . . . I urge you to listen to the quiet voice of the Spirit and allow our God to help you design your own path . . . No one can write the script for you--your story will be entirely your own." Nancy Beach, Gifted to Lead

"I wanna feel something sweeter than this
Cover me in leaves and roll me over again
I've been everybody else and now I want to be
something closer to myself."
Kendall Payne "Closer to Myself" song

"But me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea;

he pulled me out Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,

the void in which I was drowning.

They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me.

He stood me up on a wide-open field;

I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.

When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start.

Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted.

Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick.

I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step.

God rewrote the text of my life

when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."

Psalm 18:16-24 (Msg)

"Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.
Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.
Speak to my pain and confusion.
Speak through my fears and my pride.
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.
I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,
In a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.
And I know that you said there is more to life.
And I know I am not satisfied.
But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.
I've known now, for quite a while, that I am not whole.
I've remembered the body and the mind,
But disected my soul.
Now something inside is awakening,
Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it's something I'm scared of
And something I don't want to stop.
And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portait.
Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.
And I thought it would be hard to believe in
But it's not hard at all.
To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.
And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place.
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.
And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of your faith.
So leave out the thee and thou and speak now."

Sara Groves, "Awakening" song